THE RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE OF A SCHOOLMISTRESS OF THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY.
(Written with her own Hand.)
(Continued from page 215.)
ANOTHER remarkable passage was: One morning, I being to meet with a sore affliction, the Lord began to speak comfortably to my heart, by promising me these things that He knew were most comfortable to me: as (1) an outgate from all the troubles that were then upon me, bringing in that word, “Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord, that he is very pitiful,” and that He would choose my lot: I had seen the folly of my own choice. (2) As to my spiritual condition, His Word should be my rule, His Spirit my guide, His love my principle, and His glory my end in all my actions. This was very comfortable, being often desired by me. (3) Some particular passages of my life that were to come, being comfortable providences, were made known unto me. (4) A promise of fair landing, for as rough a sea I was trysted with. And all was shut up with that, “I will be your God.” This last I wondered at, knowing that He was my God. But I found since that there was need of this, for not only were all my other comforts too weak to bear the burdens I met with since, but also these comforts I formerly enjoyed—by which I was helped to bear my troubles—were in a great measure taken from me, so that, if I would not take consolation from my relation to Him, I should have none at all.
Then I met with the death of that excellent lady, the Lady Park, even at the time she had finished a house that she had caused build for me, that so I might be near her, about which she had been at great pains. This was a stroke I thought I would never have been able to bear, but I was wonderfully supported to the admiration of onlookers. She had in the beginning of her sickness told me she was to die, and desired me to come to that place, notwithstanding of her death, for her children’s sake. I desired her to forbear speaking of her death to me, it being a thing I was not able to bear (measuring the trial with my present strength, and not with the strength I met with suitable to the trial), and forbade her to expect my coming there if she died. And, finding it so with me, she forbore further speaking, and committed it to the Lord. Thereafter I could have no peace till I went to that place. I met with opposition from several airths, and amongst others, from my worthy neighbour, it being at a greater distance from him, and likewise fearing my solitude might wrong me. But I was still put in mind of this: that I used to get my will by quitting it, and so I did in this particular, for within a short time thereafter he was brought to that place, out of which the lady died, by a providence that neither of us did expect. So, a little after I came to this solitary place for her children’s sake, the Lord made intimation to me that He would come there and be a comforter unto me and a blessing to my family, which, when He had prepared me in some measure for, He performed it. The manner of His preparing me was, by working such an estimation of the gospel in my heart that I thought it could not be too dearly bought, though at the expense of the greatest temporal afflictions: nay, I thought it a sufficient compensation for all other losses from that place. “Though they eat the bread of adversity, yet their eyes shall see their teachers.”
I was at that time under a very sore trouble, which I had been wrestling with and seeking deliverance from for some time before. It was continued and increased; yet the Lord wrought in my heart such an estimation of the gospel that I was content with the continuation of the rod and any additions that He pleased so that I might enjoy the gospel. When my heart was brought to this, then I said, I have sold all for the field where the Pearl is. By this frame, which the Lord brought me to by degrees, I found two great benefits. The one was the pleasantness I had in bearing the affliction I was under; the other was a blessing with the Word, so that it was never so blest to me as a little after that eminent servant of God was set down beside me. I met frequently with that Scripture, Isa. lx. 1, 2, 3, 4, but understood not what the Lord intended by bringing this testimony so often in my way. At last I found that the end for which the gospel was preached was to carry on His work so in the hearts of believers, as at length they should be “called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified,” as in the third verse. So the Lord carried on His work by degrees in my soul, that it came to some desirable period, by the Lord’s blessing of his ministry and the afflictions I was under, accompanied with the secret teaching of His Spirit. Before I had the occasion of his preaching, the Lord took the teaching of me in His own hand, and cleared up His Word to me by His Spirit, and this was instead of fellowship and preaching, but never suffered me to conclude any thing without clear testimonies from Scripture, and so kept my judgment sound. And when I got occasion of useful fellowship that was able to help me in intricacies I was entangled with, though I was countenanced in using these helps, yet the Lord usually expelled all my darkness or ever I could take the opportunity of improving them; and then, when I had communicated my case, I was confirmed by these helps that what I met with was of the Lord. And when I had opportunity of hearing what I was taught all the week over, I was confirmed in on the Lord’s Day. And the reason, as I conceived, of this singular providence was (1) There was a long time I had no opportunity of lively means, and lest the alteration of His way should be too hard for me to bear when necessity, because of sad afflictions, drove me to live only upon spiritual mercies; the Lord, in the depths of His condescendency, continued the same way with me when I had the means. (2) Also, the Lord foreseeing that there were days of darkness coming even upon these whose lips should preserve knowledge, and at whose mouth the law should be sought, and from His tender care of keeping poor unworthy me in His way in such a day, He continued, even when I had the means, in His usual way of teaching me in secret; and to keep me at the work of dependence on Him for His teaching, He filled my hand with such intricate cases, which after trial none could help me in but Himself, and He did it clearly. And to confirm me that it was the Lord that cleared up these intricacies, and that I was not deluded nor mistaken, He taught me ordinarily in secret these very things that I met with afterwards in public. (3) A third reason, I conceive, was to learn me to cease from man, and not to be discouraged when I should want these occasions, as I did afterward; seeing He Himself without them, and in them, was all and all to me. The Lord, out of the depths of His mercy and condescendency to me, put me upon the exercising one grace after another, and in order to the discerning of these in my soul, I was called necessarily to such frames as were evidences of these graces? As instance, 1. Humility. I was so put to it in outward and inward trouble that I got no outgate, till I was to two things: (1) Quietness of heart to the Will of God under the trouble. (2) Abhorrence of myself for these ills that the Lord discovered to be the cause of my trouble. Instance 2. Faith in reference to things I would have been at, either as to the clearing of the understanding or the mortification of sin. As to the first, I found great darkness and doubting about some fundamental points; and after much pains by reasoning with myself, but to no purpose, it was brought to my remembrance that the Lord in His Word had said so, which presently dispelled all mists, which could not be without belief of what was spoken. And as to the second, viz., the mortification of sin, it was made discernible to be by the faith of the operation of God working me up to a laying hold on the promises for that end, after I had used other helps, but to no purpose. Instance 3. As to the grace of love, He cleared it up to me. (1) By the manner of my love to the Brethren, which was not from any selfish end, but as they bore the image of their Father, whether known or unknown. I once tried the nature of my love to one of my most intimate acquaintances. And 1st, As He had been very useful to me, I loved Him; 2ndly, As He was a member of the same body with me in Christ; 3rdly, As He was an Ambassador of Jesus Christ. But I found I loved Him most of all as bearing the image of Christ. But (2) I loved Him; for His love was shed abroad in my heart, both by that inconceivable glory in Himself that He was pleased sometimes to discover, and likewise by reflecting upon His workmanship in my soul. When He had thus by degrees brought His work in my soul to some period so that I was able clearly to discern these things freely given me of God, thereupon I had for some time an heaven in my soul uninterrupted and love very discernible, both by admiring Him who had dealt so liberally with me, and also longing to be in a capacity of enjoying Him uninterruptedly and in another kind of degree.
These mercies I enjoyed by Mr. Thomas Hog’s ministry, and other helps mentioned before, he being sent by the Lord to me and my family in a day of great distress, and recommended to my heart by the Lord as a great blessing, and one in whose heart the law of his God was, and that none of his steps should slip, and with whom I might converse confidently. He was also a great blessing to my family in converting some and confirming others. And to make it evident that he was mainly sent to me in the time of these great depths which I was under in that place, when some had come to hear him that had not so esteemed him as they should, he would have been laid by from preaching, though he knew nothing of their being there, even after he had resolved to preach; and this became so ordinary that when we saw some folk coming to hear we concluded we would get nothing that day. Thus the Lord kept up the esteem of that faithful servant, and kept us in fear of misprising our great privilege, lest we should be served as others were.
(To be Continued.)