Edited from the Original MSS., with Illustrative Notes,
BY THE LATE REV. WM. TAYLOR, M.A., STIRLING.
(Continued from page 256.)
Wednesday, May 8th.
—Alas! alas! my old peevish passionate temper broke out this evening, heedlessly and inadvertently; but woe’s me! why should I be one hour, one moment, off my guard? Wretch that I am! I loathe, I abhor myself. I flee to the blood of Jesus and the mercy of Jehovah for pardon; I implore His omnipotent grace to crush and destroy this enemy: may its cursed head be laid low, and never appear any more for ever! Amen.
Sabbath Eve, 19th.
—The Lord rebuked as usual my bodily indisposition, or rather cured it, as He many a time did, in the pulpit. This was by far the best Sabbath as to the free, full, and enlarged preaching of Christ which I had for six weeks past, though it was the most sickly day as to my poor feckless* body. I felt nothing of my threatening malady since I went to the pulpit. O how medicinal is the sacred chair to my body!—there I have been many a time cured of ails which anyone would think were almost incurable. Glory to my adorable Master, Saviour, Husband, and Physician! Amen.
* Strengthless.
Monday, 20th.
—Visited the sick who have no pastor, no soul-physician to notice them, in D—s, A—r, and P—y, and had great freedom and enlargement in praying with them and for them; for I found them sweetly exercised, some of them indeed under deep exercise. They have been relieved and refreshed by the compassionate Redeemer while I was with them. In these bounds there are some hundreds of people who have had ministers forced in upon them, by presbyteries as well as by gentlemen, whose language they cannot understand. But though they have been cast off by men and ministers, the adorable Shepherd of Israel has taken a particular concern in them, and seems to be doing more good among them than I can find in any corner of the North. This is like Himself! Glory, glory and praise be to His blessed and adorable name! Amen.
Friday, 24th.
—Oppressed and fooled to-day by that accursed enemy, unbelief. Ashamed and confounded may I be! O crush this enemy, Lord Jesus, and win my blessing for ever! Amen.
Tuesday, June 4th.
—Letters of importance. Some sweet gleams of heaven to-day.
Wednesday, 5th.
—Little done to-day except some worldly business, and that troublesome and entangling. Lord, take my feet out of the net!
Friday, 20th (Fast-day at Resolis, preparatory to communion).
. . . O Lord, make this solemnity a daybreak from heaven—a time of love never to be forgotten. O that it may be the dawning and beginning of a glorious revival of decayed religion in the North; and may it spread south and north, east and west! Amen! Amen!
Saturday, July 6th.
—This being the preparation-day, worthy Mr. M’Phail preached a most suitable seasonable sermon on John iii. 16: ‘God so loved the world.’ The Lord helped him greatly. It fell to poor me to preach immediately after him; but I had so little to say after the great things that were declared, that I was really ashamed to step up to his place; and yet the Lord was pleased to give some little countenance to the most unworthy of all His servants, and afforded some new things that I know were from Himself—and such things have been blessed by Him.
Tuesday Morning, 30th.
—The solemn day [of the communion at Croy] is now drawing nigh. Would wish to be much retired, if the Lord will, for prayer, meditation, self-examination, deep humiliation, and studying for the great congregation—having had little or no time till now for retirement because of numbers of young precious Christians who are preparing to seal the everlasting covenant, and with whom I spent a great deal of time, and could not bestow it better. The Lord make it up now! Pour out Thy blessed Spirit on the parched ground of my soul, and meet with me in secret; and help Thy dear lambs of my flock and family: carry them in Thy bosom! Amen.
Thursday, August 1st.
—The solemn work is now begun, not without some token for good. More and more, for the Lord’s sake! Amen.
Sabbath Eve, 4th.
—The Lord was kind and good to poor this day—the least and worst of all His sent servants.* I was weak and feeble in body, having several ails hanging about me; but my Master strengthened and supported me in some measure and beyond expectation, though I have heavy complaints of coldness and deadness even in the time of communicating; yet I could not help rejoicing, and was indeed very happy in the honour and glory that was done by hundreds better than me this day to my adorable Lord and Master, whose name shall endure for ever, and last like the sun—in whom men, myriads of men, shall be blessed, and whom all nations shall call blessed! Amen! Amen! Amen! So let it be—and so shall it be!
* A characteristic expression! The deep humility that made him count himself “the least and worst of the Lord’s sent servants,” was too genuine to permit of the affectation of classing himself with the unsent ones, to whom he alludes several times as “pastors whose language the Lord’s people do not understand.”
Thursday, 8th.
—I have many causes of thanksgiving to the Lord at this time, but little time for retirement. One cause of joy and thanksgiving to the Lord God of our fathers—to the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, is, that my three boys have been inclined and determined, by Divine grace, at this time to ascend to the mountain of myrrh and the hill of frankincense to give up their names to Christ, and publicly and solemnly to enlist themselves under the banner of our great Emmanuel. They sat down at the same table with their father; and as I have good ground to believe that they’ve been honest and sincere in this solemn transaction, what shall I render to the Lord for this great comfort? This was one of the things I was most earnestly asking of the Lord; and glory to His name, it is now granted! Now that they are enlisted, Lord Jesus, help them to fight the good fight of faith till they win that crown of righteousness which shall be laid at Thy feet in glory!
Wednesday Morning, 14th.
—Have much need to be retired to-day, if the Lord will, to think on what we have been about, etc.—to bless the Lord for the great things He has done for me and my children and my people—to confess with contrition and sorrow my great failings and shortcomings, etc.—to deplore before the Lord the deadness and formality that has hung about me this season, though in other respects one of the happiest seasons I have ever seen, particularly in the number of converts that have joined themselves to the Lord this summer. But I am very poor and low. Lord, pity and help and enlarge my straitened and languishing soul! I mean likewise to be concerned for my worthy distressed brother at Nairn, etc.; and for my excellent and amiable brother Mr. J. B—, now at Bath, that the Lord may restore health to his feeble body, and bring him home to his flock freighted with the blessings of the gospel of peace. Lord, shine on Thy poor servant this day: pour out on me Thy blessed Spirit as a Spirit of grace and supplication, for the sake of Jesus! Amen.
(To be continued.)