Tobermory, 25th April, 1858.—Felt cast down on account of a wandering frame of mind in the morning, but attained to some earnestness and fixedness of thought in secret after breakfast, and retained somewhat of this after going to Church. Had some liberty in expressing myself in Gaelic, but the congregation seemed listless. Alas! who believes the report? Oh! the infatuating nature of sin, when people can listen to the most awful truths, and never feel as if they had anything to do with them. Lord, send Thou Thy truth home with power, for, except Thou build the house, the builders lose their pain. Felt straitened in the English service, and during the evening was much depressed. Lord, look upon a poor sinful, helpless worm, entrusted with the care of souls; give me grace and strength; make me instrumental, in Thy hands, in bringing souls to Jesus; and in feeding Thy sheep. All that they need is Thine; give them food in due season, if not by me, by Thine own truth, read and meditated on in private. Give graces to the graceless; undeceive the hypocrite, and make such as are openly profane a people for Thyself. I am weak and weary. Grant me rest in the Beloved; impart the peace of His blood, and surround me with Thy favour.
26th April.—In the morning felt as on the previous evening, depressed by the low state of religion among the people under my charge. This depression increased on my going out to visit among them; some I saw in a dying state; to them I spoke but little, and attempted to pray. I fear some are so ignorant as to imagine prayer does them good. In such cases I know not if it be duty to pray with them, though I have no question of the duty in other respects. The Lord Himself have mercy upon them! Felt unfit for my usual reading. What a weak creature I am! How frail! Teach me what the apostle was taught, namely, that when he was weak, then he was strong. True, this does not refer to bodily, but to spiritual weakness, and in this respect, too, I feel my weakness. Give me to lay myself on Him, who is both life and strength, and all in all. Oh, may I be found in Him, and then all shall be well.
27th April.—Felt more tranquil to-day than I have done for some time back, and was able to read and to think with some measure of delight in the truth. What would I have not given during the last two or three months to be able to do this! I read a portion of Turrettine on the Trinity, but could scarcely follow all his distinctions. I cannot help thinking that some of his statements are rather too unguarded. It is a dreadful, and holy, and unspeakable mystery, which can never be comprehended by a finite creature. The only refuge I find, the only ground to believe, is the declaration of Scripture as to the fact, and every attempt, by reason, to make this mystery more patent to the understanding seems to me absurd. What is acknowledged by all to be completely beyond reason cannot be explained, neither can more light be shed on it than what the Word says regarding it. It is enough that there is but one God, and that the Three Persons, the Father, the Son, and the Spirit, are this one God; that the Father is distinct from the Son, and the Spirit from both, as persons or substances, but that the Father is God, the Son is God, and the Spirit is God, and not three Gods but one; that They are co-equal, co-eternal and co-essential. Any attempt at explaining how They are Three, and at the same time One, only bewilders the mind, and instead of giving it anything to grasp, launches it into an unfathomable abyss. Enable me to believe steadfastly the truth of the Word, resting assured, without any doubts regarding it, even though I cannot grasp it; give me to believe the whole truth, and furnish me with grace and gifts for the work in which I am engaged. Thou, who canst work by any means, however weak and contemptible, canst, if it be Thy will, work by me, weak, dark and unbelieving as I am. O fill me with Thy Spirit, as Thy servants of old were said to be filled.
God hath many sharp-cutting instruments and rough files for the polishing of His jewels; and those He specially loves, and means to make the most resplendent, He hath oftenest His tools upon.—Leighton.