About three months after I was awakened to mind the concerns of my salvation, I happened to meet with a man who possessed a great deal of general information, and acquainted with him, I began to ask what kind of principles those people held who are denominated Arians, Deists, and Socinians? He consequently told me some of their opinions, upon which I said, that it was a wonder such profane men were allowed to dwell among Christians. He then laid down some arguments, and proposed questions in their defence which I was not able to answer. This circumstance, and, at the same time, reading erroneous books, overturned my faith; Satan also made an attack and said, “How can you pray to Christ when you see the absurdity and inconsistency of His being God and man?” And when reading the Bible he suggested, “How can you believe that for which you have no proof or authority?” which brought my soul into sad perplexing thoughts. This was the fruit of my curiosity. I felt convinced that no person believed the divinity of Christ, or the authority of the Scriptures, etc., except ignorant people who knew no better, and who had no judgment to know things in a right way; and that the ministers themselves did not believe what they were preaching to others. By these abominable thoughts my life became a burden to me. However, I was comforted in thinking on the many oppositions which the Gospel had met with and yet that it could never be brought to nought, which was a strong argument to me that it came from God. After that, I met with a book called “Some Thoughts concerning Natural and Revealed Religion, tending to show that Christianity is indeed nearly as old as the creation: supposed to be written by my Lord P – – – t.” By reading this book many of my doubts were removed, and the secret objections of my mind answered in a rational way. I can say that I did not read one page of this book in vain. Oh! but grace and learning when they meet in one person shine bright! Yet, after all, the temptation returned and suggested, How can these things be? Then the Lord gave me another sight of man in his fallen state, and of the infinite breach which was made between God and man by reason of sin; I saw that Adam, through a sense of his guilt, could not endure a holy God speaking to him, and therefore fled from His presence, so that all correspondence between God and man had for ever ceased without a Mediator who might lay His hands on both parties; and I saw that the Mediator behooved to be God and man in one person, for if He was God only that He could not transact with man, by reason of His justice and holiness, and that, if He were a mere man, He could not transact with God by reason of His imperfections. But the Lord, to the exceeding joy of my heart, showed me that both these qualities were in that glorious person called “Emanuel, God with us”.
Then I was taught that the Eternal Word had a body prepared for Him, and so was made flesh, wherein He fulfilled the royal law which was violated by man, and suffered as Mediator to satisfy essential in the room of all the elect. The Lord also showed me something of the mystery of the covenant of grace, as being made with Christ the Head, and with believers in Him; with which there came an irresistible light and power which convinced my mind of the truth thereof, by the infinite wisdom and love which I saw shining in it. I observed by this noble contrivance that the glory of God was restored, and the salvation of the sinner secured, so that my whole soul consented to it in every way.
Now, it was not a blind assent that I was made to give to this method of salvation by Jesus Christ, for the Lord enlightened my understanding to see the excellency and the beauty of it. And I found that the Lord bound my will to consent, and drew out my affections in love to this incomprehensible mystery of godliness, “God manifest in the flesh, justified in the spirit, seen of angels”; by which this temptation got a mortal wound, and never recovered its strength.
I shall now show how my mind was settled as to the divinity of the Scriptures. The Lord did this by often shining on His own word now and then, and by bringing it home to the conscience, either in a way of comfort or terror; so that it evidenced itself to be the word of God. I saw many things from the nineteenth Psalm, as to the power and efficacy of His word. “The law of the Lord is perfect, converting the soul.” He gave me a reflecting light about my own exercises in times past, and made me to consider these portions of His word, wherewith He had awakened me at first, and with which I was comforted. It was by the Word that my slothful soul was made to run cheerfully in the way of God’s commandments; it was by the Word I was directed now to walk when I was blind, and that the clouds of darkness were dispelled from my mind, so that the light shined into my soul. I felt the agreeable beams of the Sun of Righteousness warming my affections. I was reprov’d from the Word for these sins, which none but the heart-searching God could know.
The Lord convinced me of the divinity and authority of the word by His Holy Spirit, witnessing with my spirit. “He that believeth on the Son of God, hath the witness in himself” (1 John 5 : 10). “All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness; that the man of God may be perfect, thoroughly furnished unto all good works” (2 Timothy 3 : 16, 17).
A few Reflections on these Temptations and on part of the preceding exercises
First — When I look to the gracious and holy end which God had in suffering me to be so long tempted about the fundamental truths of religion, I have great reason to adore His infinite wisdom, who out of such confusion can bring order. For when He granted me a deliverance from these temptations, it was in such a way as made me more established and confirmed in the truth of those things than ever.
Secondly — When any of the former objections came into my mind, and suggested, How can you believe that Jesus is the Son of God, when His satisfaction is so inconsistent with reason, and how can you believe the doctrine He taught to be divine, being delivered in such a mean and simple way? Although I cannot answer every thing brought against my faith in express reasoning, yet I feel the power and efficacy of divine truths on my mind; therefore I am able to give a spiritual reason for the hope that is in me. I find that all the reflections I can make on this head, are done already to my hand by that learned and holy man Dr Watts, in his third sermon concerning the inward witness to Christianity, in which doctrine I greatly rejoice.
Thirdly — I am led to see the folly of those men who think to find out God by their own shallow reason, and maintain that the light of nature is sufficient to guide into happiness; and, therefore, that it is no wonder that such men wander endlessly in the mist of their own vain imaginations, when they reject the Lord Jesus Christ, the true light that enlighteneth every man who cometh into the world of grace.
Again, I perceive that these men were never taught of God, otherwise they would own Christ and His doctrines. For it is written in the prophets, “and they shall be all taught of God: every man, therefore, that hath heard and hath learned of the Father cometh unto me” (John 6 : 45). But the truth is, that there is no knowledge of the Father but by the Son. No man knoweth the Father save the Son.
Lastly — From what I have experienced of the power of sin, and the strong temptations of the devil, I am persuaded that there is a power and reality in the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, above the power and art of nature; that it is mighty through God to the pulling down of the strongholds of sin and Satan in heart and life.