Period V—From March 1743 to May 1744
(Continued from Vol. 76, page 339)
Glory to Thy holy name, for a revelation of Thy will in the blessed Bible. I bless Thee that my lot has fallen in this land where the way of salvation is recorded; and that I was born of such parents as gave me education; and that it has been sanctified. I bless Thee, who hast made me content with the portion of this world’s goods allotted me. I have Thyself as my portion and exceeding great reward, therefore I cannot want; all Thy divine attributes are engaged on my side to render me completely happy in time and in eternity.
O my covenanted God, all things come of Thee, and of Thine own have I offered unto Thee this day, for I am Thine by creation and redemption; therefore I plead for the sake of Christ that Thou wouldst accept of this offering, and forgive anything that is amiss in this transaction. I believe that, what Thou hast done for me, and in me at present, and at other times, is ratified in heaven from eternity, and stands upon an infallible foundation, more sure than the covenant of works, because it is founded upon better promises which cannot be broken. O my God, save me from taking the very least encouragement to sin because of the stability of Thy covenant. O let it be a never-failing spring of comfort unto me all the days of my life, and at the hour of death, that I may rejoice in Thee as my covenanted God in Christ both in time and through all the ages of eternity. And in confirmation of this my assent and consent to all the terms of the covenant, I do subscribe it with my hand, heart and soul; and that God is true in the record that He hath given of Christ, I set to my seal that there is life in Him and nowhere else.
At the Cave of this Rock,
6th August 1743.
Dugald Buchanan.
Before I left this place, my closed lips were opened, and my mouth filled with the high praises of my God; my chains and fetters fell off, and I was set at liberty. O that was a sweet day unto my soul, when I sat in the cave of the rock, and the Lord proclaimed His name in Christ, and made all His goodness to pass before me—”The Lord, the Lord God merciful and gracious, long-suffering, abundant in goodness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity, transgression, and sin”. (Exodus 34: 6). The Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper was to be dispensed next Sabbath at the Port of Monteith, and I went there to receive the seal of the covenant; and when at the table, Mr S. . . . h served, and proposed the following questions to the communicants: “Have you,” said he, “broken your covenant with death and hell, and joined yourselves to the Lord in a perpetual covenant never to be forgotten? Have you given your consent to this method of salvation by Christ Jesus? What think you of it? And how do you love it? Is it all your salvation and all your desires? How are you pleased with the laws of it? What love have you to the Surety of it?” In short, he went through all my exercises, and I found my heart giving consent to all that I had written on that day. “Well,” said he, “if this be your case, viz, that you have laid hold upon God’s free and gracious covenant, I may freely give you the seal of it, wherewith you shall be sealed to the day of redemption.”
So I received the seal of the everlasting covenant, and, before I arose from the table, with what grief, joy, and wonder, did I behold my dear Redeemer bruised under the Father’s wrath, which justly belonged to me, and also stretched out upon the cross, grappling with the powers of darkness and coming off a Conqueror, having received His elect, and me in particular, and came away having my soul satisfied as with marrow and fatness.
On the Sabbath evening I heard a very comfortable sermon from Psalm 48: 14. The minister shewed part of the believer’s happiness in having God to be his God, etc. After that I went to Kilsyth, where the Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper was a-celebrating, and had many meditations by the way. On Sabbath morning I heard Mr Robe preach the action sermon from Rev. 1: 17, 18. I never felt more of the power of God that I did on that occasion. I hope some plentiful drops of divine influence fell upon my parched soul. I might, indeed, call that place a Bethel. I said in the meantime, O Lord, it is good to be here. I thought that I could dwell in that place all my days, to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to rejoice in His holy temple.
I rejoiced to see the conquering Redeemer making a willing sacrifice in the day of His power. I was likewise filled with joy after I
came out of the kirk, when I saw those who were clothed in scarlet lying on their faces on the ground at the foot of the Almighty King of Zion weeping and making supplication without being ashamed of it before others. I rejoiced no less at the door of utterance which was granted to the ministers of the gospel. In short, I came away from this place rejoicing that the kingdom of Christ was advancing, and the kingdom of Satan falling like lightning from heaven. Afterwards I reviewed my whole exercises from the day in which I was first awakened to that moment, and saw that the foundation of my peace was built upon the Rock of ages; and then with the foolish virgins fell asleep for some time till the Lord sent a messenger of Satan to buffet me. He suffered my corrupt nature to come alive again so that I became in my own eyes a sink of abominations. I found by sad experience the truth of that Scripture, “The carnal mind is enmity against God”.
I was brought to think that all my former experience was a delusion which now became a terror to me, and so great was the strength of this temptation that it made me both ashamed and afraid to pray. Oh the terrible confusion my soul was in! but I endeavoured to still an accusing conscience from the Scriptures of truth, and then had an answer from several passages that I was converted. John 1: 12; Romans 8: 30. Then I said: Can such a power of sin be upon any person who is converted, as I find in my heart? Sometimes I would wrestle with God for His grace to subdue my sins, and at other times would refrain from prayer through a sense of real guilt. I endeavoured to take some directions to myself which the Lord enabled me to give others formerly, but I could not. I may say that I underwent greater trouble by this discovery of my own heart than at my first awakening. I received a letter from a Christian friend to whom I had communicated part of my case, which, by the Lord’s blessing, was made useful to me by shewing me some of my mistakes; I shall therefore quote a passage of it here.
“I sympathise with your case. These things and much more of the sort, my own perverse heart has given me too much experience of: if it were not so with us, perhaps we would not be so readily convinced that we owe all to the grace, not that is in us, but to that which is in Christ Jesus, and to the daily and continual supply from Him. When one seems to be convinced that he has all from the Lord, yet he may be less convinced that even grace, as in himself already, received from the Lord, cannot do his business, but that he must fail if he be not continually receiving new supplies from the stores laid up in Christ, and from thence drawn out through faith wrought in him by the Holy Ghost: which persua-
sion keeps a sinner humble, and in continual dependance on the Lord in the exercise of faith, and which every moment’s experience makes him thus to see to be indeed precious faith.
“I will not say any more upon this, my dear friend, but consider 2 Cor. 12: 7, 8, 9, 10. Though we have not that abundance of great revelations which were bestowed on Paul, yet our little allurements tend to humble us and keep faith in exercise. Paul had the thorn sent to him, and it sent him to God. And God’s answer was the sufficiency, not of anything of, or in Paul, but of the Lord’s own grace. He saw the reason why the thorn was sent to him, namely, that he might not be too much exalted by what had been bestowed upon him? No; that would not have been like taking it as sent, that he might not be exalted; But what did he do? he besought the Lord thrice against this thorn, and got this answer; that the ‘Lord’s own grace was sufficient for him’. He was still weak after all he had already received. But it was the strength of God, the power of Christ, that was to rest on him, and to carry him forward.”
When I read this letter, I saw my fearful error of restraining prayer before God, and His design in sending such a thorn. At the same time the Lord rebuked Satan, and strengthened me to overcome my sins, that had sung so many triumphs over me of late. The reasons or cause for which the Lord sent this grievous and sore trial, were the following:—
First—To reprove me for my sloth and security, “thine own wickedness shall correct thee, and thy backslidings shall reprove them”, etc. (Jer. 2: 19). It was as if the Lord should say, Since the wickedness and backslidings of others did not serve to correct thee, thine own wickedness shall do it. Thou hast seen what David suffered for his backslidings, and how I made him to roar all the day long for his sins, yet this did not serve to correct thee, therefore thine own wickedness shall do it. “Know, therefore, and see, that it is an evil thing and a bitter, that thou hast forsaken the Lord thy God.” And indeed, I was made to know the bitterness of it; yet, alas! how soon is it forgot; so that I have still to learn the same of watchfulness. Secondly—The Lord sent me this trial for my uncharitable thoughts of those who had been tempted and overcome. Therefore, the Lord shewed me that I had no strength of my own to withstand the temptation, more than others who were overcome.
I observed that man’s trial or temptations are often in proportion to the grace received. Abraham had great faith, and it was greatly tried. The Apostle Paul had great revelations and he had a messenger of Satan sent to buffet him; the Lord gives no grace to
any person to be idle, for to whomsoever He giveth fine gold He trieth well (Rev. 3: 18).
Then I learned the great danger of unwatchfulness, for by it I am exposed to every snare of the devil, who is restless, seeking an opportunity to entangle me into some snare or other.
I never began to sport with a temptation to sin, but I was thereby overcome and wounded. Proverbs 6: 27, 28. From hence I see more of the depth of Satan, how he uses all his endeavours to allure and draw me to the ways of sin and folly, and whenever he has gained his point, immediately turns accuser. O the unsearchable windings of the old serpent! And O the unsearchable wisdom of the Lord Jesus Christ, who can make the deceits of Satan turn out for the good of His people!
I see the only way to overcome temptations is to resist the very beginnings of sin in the heart. Sinful thoughts harboured there with delight have sometimes led me captive to sinful actions “Resist the devil and he will flee from you.”