Period V—From March 1743 to May 1744
(Continued from page 21)
About the beginning of March, 1744, the Lord began to restore my peace as a river after my long trouble since the first of November, 1743. He shewed the holy end He had in suffering me to be tried with such temptations, and that there was “a need-be” for everything which had befallen me. But I observe, that no sooner one trouble goes than another comes in its room, and perhaps greater than the former. But blessed for ever be the name of the Lord, who, with the temptation, makes a way to escape. The Lord shewed me unspeakable comfort from these Scriptures anent my approaching troubles: “Casting all your care upon him, for he careth for you. Be careful for nothing”, etc. (1 Peter 1, 7). And in Psalms 4, 6 “Commit thy way unto the Lord. Trust in him and he shall bring it to pass. The Lord will perfect that which concerneth me. But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus”.
14th March—
When I was at Morning prayer I had more than ordinary sense of my wants, and also of the difficulties of a present life; but I was wonderfully refreshed from the above Scriptures, and the Lord helped me to gather all my wants both spiritual and temporal, and cast them upon Himself; whereby I found my spirit as sensibly eased as if I had gotten a heavy burden cast off my body. When I went to work in my lawful calling, my spirit at the same time was rejoicing that I had got all my cares cast upon Christ as upon a faithful creator; and while musing upon these things, the fire did not burn afresh in my breast, which forced me to cry out, How great is the pleasure of religion! how sweet it is to cast all my care upon God! how good is it to believe that God careth for me! These thoughts made me work cheerfully at my lawful calling wherein I was placed. My anxious cares were taken away, for I believed that the Lord would perfect that which concerned me in every way, and bring it to pass in the way which would tend most to the advancement of His own glory and my good. I saw that whatever the Lord had promised to His people, He had also appointed means for obtaining. Then I saw that when I was under trouble, it was my duty, as a reasonable creature, to find out the means which God hath appointed for the accomplishing of such an end, or relieving from such a burden, etc. So that when I am found in the practical use of those means which God hath appointed to further my spiritual or temporal happiness, although the thing wherein I am labouring or avoiding should fall out contrary to that which I had designed or expected, I have real peace and comfort, especially as I had committed such a matter to the Lord, and was not negligent in the use of the means appointed by Him. Here is my peace, to be still in the use of means, looking to the Lord to give what issue He pleaseth (Ezek. 36, 37).
How sweet is it to be making every day one bundle of all my cares and casting them over upon Christ, when faith can read these words, “He careth for me”. Blessed be God that the government is set upon His shoulders.
I think it would be impossible to bear my crosses and troubles, unless the Lord had shewed me something of the mystery of providence revealed in that word, Romans 8, 28, “We know that all things work together for good to them who love God, who are the called according to his purpose”. I find that Christ’s yoke is easy and His burden light, so that I may say, that I have neither crosses nor afflictions. Although it may seem strange, yet it is true, and all the reason I can give for it is the view that God hath given me in the passage just mentioned in the eighth of the Romans.
Whenever I meet with a cross I renew my submission to His will, but can never declare the pleasure my soul findeth in this exercise. I think that, though religion had no reward in a future state, I would not exchange the sweetness of it in the meantime for anything in the world. Now, when I find these very crosses and troubles which were wont to make me complain, become sweet and easy, it affordeth just ground of praise and thankfulness to the Lord, who hath bestowed such an unspeakable mercy upon me the chief of sinners. Therefore, since I believed that it is the sufferings and afflictions of the Lord Jesus Christ which make satisfaction for sin, and the God never afflicts His children but in a way of chastisement and not of satisfaction, I am resolved to be at the disposal of His infinite wisdom. But if He in love defers my chastisement, I will praise His name, and if He in faithfulness afflicts me, I will endeavour to praise His name. “He is the Lord, let him do unto me what seemeth him good”, and, whatever He is pleased to do, I will be satisfied. I am not anxious how these things come to pass; but all my care is how to be found prepared for either of these which God may please to send. “Thy will be done.”
1st May 1744—
I have been long in doubts about perfect freedom from sin, which now, in a great measure, are cleared up. At this time the Lord kindled vehement desires in my soul after holiness of nature and conformity to the image of His dear Son. I groaned in this tabernacle, being burdened with corruption, and said, “O that I had wings like a dove, then would I flee away and be at rest”. I can freely say that it was not any trouble that could befall my body or injury done to my name in this state which made me wish to depart, but a real desire to be free from in-dwelling sin and corruption; but when I took a view of the universal corruption of my nature, and how deeply sin was rooted in every faculty of my soul and member of my body, my heart began to fail, and I said, How shall such a body of sin and death be destroyed, or how can I think of perfect freedom from it in another world? How can I think that my heart will be so fixed on God as not to have one wandering thought through all eternity? How can I believe that I shall serve God for ever without weariness? No, I could scarcely believe it. Sometimes I considered the almighty power of God, which could make new heavens and a new earth; then I said, Why not new natures, new bodies, and new spirits also? Then the Lord convinced me of the certainty thereof, and kindled my desires more and more after the enjoyment of it. Oh! how sweet was my meditation on the beauties of holiness. The following Scriptures were sweeter to my taste than the honey-comb: Isaiah 14, 3, 4, “And it shall come to pass in the day that the Lord shall give thee rest from thy sorrow, and from thy fear, and from the hard bondage wherein thou wast made to serve, that thou shalt take up this proverb against the king of Babylon, and say, How hath the oppressor ceased! the golden city ceased!” Even so I will say in a scriptural sense, When the Lord shall make me enter into an eternal rest in Himself, how hath the devil ceased? how hath my unbelieving heart ceased? how hath the tempting world ceased? how have the secret springs of sin in the heart ceased? how hath all weariness in the service of God ceased? how hath secret love to sin ceased? how hath everything that is contrary to a holy God in the creature ceased? Eternal thanks and praise to God, who hath made us partakers of the divine nature and translated us out of darkness into the kingdom of His dear Son. This was a sweet declaration in Isaiah 95, 17, 18, 19, “For, behold, I create new heavens, and a new earth: and the former shall not be remembered, nor come into mind. But be ye glad and rejoice for ever in that which I create: for, behold, I create Jerusalem a rejoicing, and her people a joy. And I will rejoice in Jerusalem, and joy in my people; and the voice of weeping shall be no more heard in her, nor the voice of crying”. Here an objection of my mind was answered to the full; former things shall not come into my mind, for I was afraid that the remembrance of former evils would either breed shame or fear again; but glory to God, that former things shall not come into my mind. The next Scripture was “For our conversation is in heaven, from whence we look for the Saviour the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall change our vile bodies”, etc. Here is a change indeed, to be made on a vile body! I lose myself in thoughts on this wondrous change. O! mighty Redeemer, who can subdue all things to Thyself, hasten the day in which it shall be done. Praise to God, who hath wrought in my heart the faith of this resurrection by His Holy Spirit, and hath given me good hope through grace of a part in the first resurrection. With what joy and delight do I read that passage in 2 Cor. 5, 7, 8, “For we walk by faith, and not by sight: we are confident, I say, and willing rather to be absent from the body, and present with the Lord”. Absent from this body of clay which is such a clog on my spirit in Thy service, absent from these eyes which have carried my mind after a thousand vanities and unclean objects. O! that I may be enabled to labour, so that, whether present or absent, I may be accepted of Him; absent from the flesh wherein I am kept as in a prison, so that all I can do is only to look out at the windows of my prison-house. O! when shall they be darkened? O! when shall I appear before God, in whose presence there is perfect freedom from sin and fulness of joy, and at whose right hand are pleasures for evermore? May the day break and the shadows flee away! Amen. Even so, come quickly, Lord Jesus! For some time after this the Lord gave me great light of mind and warming of affections. I rejoiced much at the undiscovered mystery of godliness which I believed would be full revealed in due time; and the Lord showed me greater things than ever from the passage of Scripture above mentioned.