Period VI – From August 1745 to December 1750
(continued from page 146)
22nd July – I got intimation that the Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper was to be dispensed at Muthil*, where I had several sweet communions with God, and I think that was the place in which my soul was first made to lay hold upon Jesus Christ and was often instructed and comforted by the ministry of the word. And having many Christian acquaintances there, I resolved to go and see what judgment they would make of my case and to lay myself open to the preaching of the word, but had no thoughts of going to the Lord’s table. However, as the day was very rainy and my body very weak, I frequently repented that I had set out, but at last I came to the place, and upon Saturday evening heard a sermon preached by the Rev. William Gillespie, minister of Cumnock, and whom, to the praise of God’s grace, I never heard in vain. The subject, of his discourse was 2 Cor. 4:8, “We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed,” etc. The very reading of this text was a sermon to me. I wondered that I had never seen that Scripture before when searching the Bible. He shewed a great many of these grievous distresses and perplexities of the Lord’s people arising from remaining corruption and the subtlety of Satan. And he likewise showed the reasons why they were not in despair by all that the devil, the world, or the flesh could do, etc.
I was melted down where I sat under this sermon, and thought all my bands were loosing and the clouds dispelling. But immediately Satan raised an objection that such a person as the minister was describing could not be a child of God.
Satan, perhaps knowing that his time was but short, endeavoured by all possible means to give me a deeper plunge into the ditch than ever, thinking thereby to cause me to abhor all the ordinances of God. And it is my opinion that a few days more of this exercise would have driven me to a desperate end. One link added
*See footnote on page 180
to Satan’s chain would have devoured me. Indeed, my strength was gone, the water being spent in the bottle and no well appearing made me to cast away my hope for lost.
I had furthered the design of hell by my own compliance and foolishness, but God who is all eye to see as well as all ear to hear and who knows my frame then remembered that I was dust. O! sweet Scripture, if He should be always wroth or contend for ever, the grace which He had given would not only fail but the soul that He had made, etc.
On my way home I sat down to rest and in a minute’s time all my doubts were dispersed, the gates of brass and iron bars of unbelief were broken in a thousand pieces and my captive soul set at liberty. The Shepherd of Israel took my soul half-consumed out of the mouth of the lion. He took the spoil from between the teeth of the terrible and plucked me as a fire-brand out of the burning and before I arose my tongue was loosed to sing the high praises of my God. At the same time Jesus Christ the Son of Righteousness arose upon me with healing under His wings.
I might now say with King Nebuchadnezzar when he returned from the society of beasts, as I was from the society of lusts and devils, “I lifted up mine eyes unto heaven, and mine understanding returned unto me, and I blessed the Most High, and I praised and honoured him that liveth for ever, whose dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom is from generation to generation” (Daniel 1 v. 34).
But, oh! when I lifted up the eyes of my faith and saw the lovely Redeemer leaping upon the mountains and skipping over the hills of crimson guilt and scarlet sins, I was even like one in a dream. And oh! His kindness was great, He did not so much as upbraid me for evils in His absence, but said, “Son, be of good cheer, thy sins are forgiven thee.”
The whole gates of my soul lifted up their heads, and the everlasting doors were set open and the King of glory came in. O stupendous miracle of grace! O astonishing and unexpected visit! But O! when He came near me in the glory of His pardoning grace and mercy, proclaiming Himself the Lord, the Lord God merciful and gracious, long suffering, etc., how was my soul overwhelmed with His grace! My soul failed when He spoke. But was it any wonder that I was glad? It was rather a wonder that I did not give up the ghost with joy. Though all the mountains around me were gold
and silver and all my own, I would esteem them as dung and dross in comparison of the excellency of Christ Jesus my Lord. Was it any wonder though I was glad to see Him whom I had not seen these few years but seldom, or as a wayfaring man that turneth aside to tarry for a night, and for the last two years not at all: But when my Redeemer was absent, O how was His love despised, His name reproached, His spirit vexed by my ungodly deeds! But now He is come! O He is come! Blessed be His name who hath taken away the difference. And what shall I say? Yea, what could David say more? “But is this the manner of men, O Lord?” I’ll say with Hezekiah, “He hath both spoken unto me and himself hath done it: I shall, by his grace, go softly all my days in the bitterness of my soul.”
If any should ask, What is they Beloved more than another beloved? I’ll tell in a word what I think of my Beloved. He is altogether lovely: He is a lovely king upon His throne as well as a lovely priest upon His altar, His law and precept are lovely as well as His promise and grace: He is altogether lovely. And I love Him to that degree that I can as well tell what are the outgoings of paradise as tell the various outgoings of my soul towards Him in all His offices and relations as Mediator, nor yet how my soul feeds by faith upon Him. He is a sun and shield unto me, He is my hiding-place and my shield.
My soul discovers many avenues where Satan can throw his fiery darts, and yet in less than a minute my faith can turn Christ, my shield, into a safe bulwark of defence at the head of every avenue, and then I see safety in Christ against all enemies and a complete fulness for all wants. He is dearer to me than my bosom friend, than my only son etc. He is the very life of my soul and soul of my life. Yea, I had such a discovery of Christ in His mediatory offices as made me put my whole trust and confidence in Him. I am sure there was never a man born blind who trusted his father or any friend to lead him safely in the way, more than I trusted God to lead and guide me by His Spirit unto all truth.
There is no devil nor damned reprobate in hell who can have more frightful views of their sins than I have of mine in all their most aggravating circumstances, and yet, when I view Christ as a Priest, and the efficacy of His blood, the merits of it in the sight of God and the sanctifying virtue of it in the soul when applied by the Holy Ghost, I am as much confirmed of the love and everlast-
ing favour of God as the elect angels are who were confirmed in their first state and never sinned. And when I view Christ as King of kings and Head over all things to His Church, I undervalue the power of Satan, and wicked men, etc. as I do the dust under my feet. I rejoice, I triumph, I conquer in Christ, and have no confidence in the flesh while I earnestly covet His example. And now that I am a believer in Christ Jesus, the peace of God that passeth all understanding fills my whole soul.
I came home the rest of my journey as one who had been raised from the dead. Yea, I could scarcely forbear to tell my joy to those whom I met by the way.
13th December. As there has not been one day since the 26th of July in which I have not experienced something of the love and power of God, and for the most part of that time there has not been five minutes at one time except when I was asleep in which the Lord has not been either instructing or quickening and comforting me. And at this day the high tide of God’s consolation has almost overwhelmed my spirit. How long I shall enjoy the manifestation of God’s love in Christ is not for me to determine, but I expect to enjoy it through all the ages of eternity. Therefore I shall record the fruits and effects of this grace of God produced in my soul, and what a glorious change grace has made upon my principles and practice; and, as it is with a design to glorify God, and partly that I may treasure up these things in these days of plenty — not knowing what is between me and the grave, but that I may have need to remember God from the land of Jordan, etc. — so I shall, as a person who hath obtained mercy of the Lord, declare the truth as near as I can, and nothing but the truth, in these works of righteousness which evidenceth the truth of faith to my conscience, according to the written record of God. For, as the Apostle saith, “though I have whereof I may glory, through Jesus Christ, in those things which pertain to God; yet I will not dare to speak of any of those things which Christ hath not wrought by me,” or in me by his spirit (Romans xv. 17,18). “Neither will I,” as the same Apostle saith, “boast of things without my measure” beyond my real experience; for in this I am not afraid to exceed my warrant at all, because I know, that while in the body I’ll never declare the hundredth part of that which God hath manifested to me of His love; nor yet shew forth, either by my words or practise, these draughts of Christ’s image which are engraven
in my heart, not by pen and ink, but by the Spirit of the living God. I am sure if a person of more learning were to write these matters of fact he would do it to much better purpose.
[FOOTNOTE]:
The work of conversion to which we have in the preceding notes aluded in reference to the parishes of Cambuslang and Kilsyth extended itself to other parishes also, and among these to the parish of Muthil in Perthshire. Mr. Halley, the minister of this parish, to whose ministrations Mr. Buchanan bears an honourable testimony, speaks of it in a letter addressed to the Rev. Mr. Robe in the following manner:—
“The work of God is going forward in this parish. Many seem truly awakened to a sense of their condition as connected with eternity. All those with whom I have conversed appeared to be touched to the very quick, the arrows of the Almighty shot to their very hearts, trembling like the Jailer crying out against sin and breathing and thirsting after a Saviour. My bowels were moved for them, and I hope the bowels of a compassionate Redeemer were yearning over them when they were with Ephraim bemoaning themselves. As a token for future good, a praying disposition among the people not only continues, but is upon the increase. Thirteen Societies for prayer have been recently instituted and a new one is about to be established. I cannot express how much I am charmed with the young people. They have now three Prayer Societies. The members of one of these made me a most agreeable visit upon the first Monday of the year, a day which young people especially usually spend in mirth and folly. Upwards of forty attended and continued in prayer and other exercises till about ten at night. And oh! to hear the young lambs crying after the great Shepherd, to hear them pouring out their souls with such fervour, with such beautiful expressions, with such copiousness and fulness, did not only strike me with admiration but melted me into tears. I wished in my heart that all contradictors, gainsayers, and blasphemers of this work of God had been where I was that night.” In a subsequent letter Mr. Halley thus writes:— “The concern in hearing the Word still continues, though not with such a noise and outcrying as formerly. And though the public awakenings are not so discernible as they were sometime since, yet few Sabbaths pass but there are some pricked in their hearts, and with great anguish of spirit, crying, What shall we do? A law work is still severe and
of long continuance with many, but the Lord is supporting, helping to wait, and keeping them thirsting after relief in Christ.”]