Finding some sweat on his face, he said, “I fancy that is an indication of a greater change. I can compose myself, I bless His name. I know not how it comes to pass that somebody that has met with so much of God should be so unthankful as in the least to doubt Him about the rest. O what an ‘evil heart of unbelief’ (Heb 3:12), cursed unbelief and cursed self have I! O how has God honoured me! O that I should yet have such an enemy in my bosom as an evil heart!”
He caused them to read 1 Thessalonians 1:4 and chapter 5. And when someone said, “Sir, I think you need to take the night’s rest,” he answered, “I have no need of any rest, were it not to make me able to ‘finish my course with joy’ (Acts 20:24). Lo, what are the power of Christ’s death and the efficacy of His resurrection! And now I find the advantage of One at the right hand of God who is ‘able to save to the uttermost’ (Heb 7:25); and that is the sight I long for; He will but shut my eyes and open them in glory! O it is a great matter to believe, yet we have strong grounds to believe; only we have evil hearts of unbelief. This I dare say: to have my soul entirely submissive to God and all things, even every high imagination and thought made subject, is my sincere desire; but I will get that done shortly. Then there will never be a reluctant thought, nevermore a thought estranged from God: ‘Now . . . it doth not appear what we shall be; but . . . when He shall appear, we shall be like Him; for we shall see Him as He is’” (1 Jn 3:2).
To someone that alleged he was faint, he said, “I am not faintish; I am composed; I am refreshed; I am not drunk with wine, and yet I am refreshed with wine, with the spiced wine; O there is a sweet calm in my soul! And my desires are towards Him and the remembrance of His name (see Is 26:8). Remember Him! Why should I not remember Him that remembered me in my low condition? He passed by and said, ‘Live’ (Ezek 16:6); and when He says, He commands, He gives rest.”
Afterwards, he caused them to read 2 Corinthians 1:1-11, and after the ninth and tenth verses were read, he said, “Now there it all is; God has delivered and filled me with peace, when I was under those low spirits; and I hope that He will deliver, even from that which I feared in death, and let me find that I have gotten the victory and that the God of peace will bruise Satan shortly under my feet, and that he will get up no more; and I will get the victory over the cunning world, the deceitful heart. O many a weary day I have had with my unbelief. If I had had faith to believe things not seen, if I had had faith equal to the convictions I had in my soul, that my happiness lay not in things seen or temporal, but eternal; if I had had faith’s abiding impressions, realising these things, I would not have known how to remain out of heaven a moment.”
This is an edited extract from “an account of some of his last words on his deathbed” in 1712, taken from Faith and Experience, volume 4 of the James Begg Society edition of Halyburton’s Works. Three extracts were published in this Magazine last year, in the issues from February to April. This article resumes the series, continuing the report of what he said on September 18.
A little thereafter he said, “As I preached the gospel in my life, so I desire to die preaching it; and though I live not to a suffering time, I may get in among the witnesses. I will be a witness against St Andrews, I will be a witness against the professing Christians that have come about me, if they follow not the Lord.”
He was a divinity professor in St Andrews.
When asked to lie quiet and take sleep, he answered the people: “I am going to ‘rest not day nor night’, but cry, ‘Holy, holy, holy!’ (Rev 4:8). ‘They that wait upon the Lord . . . shall mount up as with wings as eagles’ (Is 40:31).”
Then he said, “Find ye any alteration as to my coldness? The only reason why I ask is, I would not lose my time: Ah, poor uncomely I, that thinks it shame to come in among that fair company”. Someone said, “You will be as fair as the rest”. He said, “Blessings to His name for composure. I cannot get my heart in a right tune, as I would have it, but in a little I will get it so.”
After he had lain quiet a little, someone said, “You have slept none”. He answered, “No, I had much work but, blessed be God, pleasant work”.
Afterwards, when his wife asked how he was, he answered, “My dear, I am longing for the salvation of my God and hastening to it”. Then seeing her very sad, he said, “My dear, encourage yourself; here is a body going to dust, and a soul going to heaven, where I hope you are to come”.