(WRITTEN BY HER OWN HAND.)
(Continued from page 307.)
The Sabbath before the fast for the Union I came to Edinburgh to hear Mr. Webster, who was on the Prodigal Son, “who would fain have filled his belly with husks”; which he compared to false doctrine, and applied to the Church of England, which was corrupted with the false husks. He named very many of their errors, but my memory cannot retain them distinctly, which gave me occasion to think he designed this against the Union, though at this time he knew not the articles of it. When I came home to the rest of the family they told me that, had I been at Libberton-kirk, I would have been pleased, for he seemed to be flat against the Union. I told them I was at no loss, being so well where I was; but I was very well pleased to hear that any of the godly was against it, and the truth is, the most part of the godly in Scotland were against it, and that on just and solid grounds. As for my own private case, it seemed to leave me for a time so that I was not so much troubled anent my own perplexities concerning myself, for I thought, let the Lord do with me as He will, but Scotland, Scotland lies near my heart!
The night immediately before the fast-day I found myself in a very ill-frame, capable for no duty, I was so dead and lifeless, nowise in order for the day approaching, which was heavy on me. This ill frame continued with me until I was just casting off my clothes to go to rest; then I found a vehement desire arose in me to be at prayer again, which motion I followed, and desire to bless the Lord therefore. For in this place I enjoyed a sweet (though short) while of communion with God, where clouds were removed, and I got leave to plead for my mother-Church, that He would make Jerusalem a quiet habitation. What a comfortable time this was! I intended only to ask good things for the Church, but my liberal Lord not only gave me good things for Scotland, but many great and good things for myself too.
I saw that sore judgments were abiding this land, and this Union was a forerunner of them; but that I might not be swallowed up in sorrow, these cordials were given me from His Word: “I will cause the enemy to entreat you well. Surely it will be well with thy remnant.” I also saw that there was a glorious day abiding Scotland, the like of which hath not been yet, and that my eyes should see it. This was confirmed to me by three Scriptures: “Thine eyes shall see the King in His beauty. Ye shall not taste of death till you see the kingdom of God come in power. Ye shall be brought to the grave in a good old age, as a shock of corn full ripe.” These sweet Scriptures came with life and power, and I was made to believe and lay stress on them. This bred in me hope of a good fast-day approaching, and I thought may be the Lord will confirm this to me in public. In the morning I was allowed near access to the throne of grace, when that word came with power, when I was pleading for the Church of Scotland, Christ’s married spouse, and my mother, “Ask what you will, and it shall be granted to you.” Where I was strengthened to put up these requests, “That God, for Christ’s sake, would preserve the ark among us, pure, without the mixture of popery, prelacy, and the Church of England, with its errors in doctrine and worship. O let us be a Church and nation as long as the sun and moon endure. Revive Thy covenant-work among us. O come back with days of Thy wonted power, and let the womb of the Gospel become fruitful, and bring forth many sons and daughters to Christ.” I also did put up some requests against the Union, and was answered with that word, Psalm xxxiii. 10, 11: “The Lord bringeth the counsel of the wicked to nought, but the counsel of the Lord that shall stand. He breaketh the ships of Tarshish with the east wind.” When I came to the public, where I thought to be strengthened, I found the contrary; for I was wounded, and that to the heart. Mr. Semple was on that place: “At what instant I spoke against a nation or kingdom,” &c., where he endeavoured to please both parties, but especially those that were for the Union. He said, “It is expected I will speak anent what this day is set apart for—concerning an Union betwixt Scotland and England.” “The truth is,” said he, “we are all one kingdom, we are all one island, we are all one religion, they are the greatest bulwark against popery.” Thus he went on, to the grief of some, and to my grief also, for the application was very easy, that he spoke here for the Union. After sermon, I got leave to tell my mind again in secret against this black bargain. I would fain have believed that a stop would be put to it, yet I remained very discouraged with fear it would be. I was enquiring how the ministers of Edinburgh were pleased ; they told me that Mr. Sandilands said in his sermon, that if this Union was carried on, England would make us hewers of wood and drawers of water. This, indeed, looked something like plain dealing, and, as he was watchman, to warn his people of their danger.
A little after this the articles appeared ; but this is such an unpleasant subject, that I weary to write how every thing contributed to the grief of my spirit. To see our noblemen and gentry, that were parliamenters, so mad as to go in with so unreasonable terms. There were none among them all to witness and appear for this poor nation but my Lord Belhaven, who spoke to good purpose in his two speeches against the Union ; but to no effect, for this was concluded.
After all was done and over I began to have some sad reflections on what had been done, and how melancholy it was that we were sold to the hands of our enemies, who ever sought our hurt, but never our well ; for then were these things brought to my consideration : First, It but fares with Scotland as it did with Christ Himself ; for He was sold into the hands of His enemies, and what needs it be thought strange though they have sold His house and family ! Secondly, Christ was sold by those in His own house and family, and so was poor Scotland ! It was our own nobles and some of our gentry that did this mischievous thing. Thirdly, Judas sold Christ for money, though he was not the richer of it ; so our Judases sold this land for money, as they call equivalent ; O sad equivalent ! Fourthly, After Christ was sold by Judas, then did they mock, reproach, and use all manner of contempt to this ever-blessed plant of renown ; so it is with us, are we not become a reproach to all our neighbours ? And those to whom we are sold, they use very bitter and malicious speeches against us, and with venom do they spue them out, to the grief of the most part of the godly in this land ; and even they that are but true Scotsmen cannot but be touched with such indignities done to us. There was a word went much with me for some time, which I applied to this case : Isa. xxiv. 16, ” The treacherous dealers have dealt treacherously ; yea, the treacherous dealers have dealt very treacherously.” I desire to bless the Lord however it went ; I was sometime, now and then, getting the King’s ear in secret, which kept up my heart when almost sunk. As for the public ordinances, they were much deserted as to me ; I found little of the Lord’s mind there. I shall lay the blame on myself and no other. I went to several places where the Sacrament was given, but I found an absent Lord ; yet I dare not say this altogether, for I heard Mr. John Flint at one of them on Rev. iii. 12, ” Him that overcometh will I make a pillar in the temple of my God, and he shall go no more out.” O what I felt of the love of God in this sermon ! In every sentence I thought I found life and power, and a vehement desire to be where I would go no more out to sin and a vain world again.
(To be Continued.)