(WRITTEN BY HER OWN HAND.)
(Continued from page 107.)
ON Wednesday afternoon, it being the time my comrades and I set apart for prayer; in which place I got a new discovery of the Lord’s favour to my soul. I can tell it—to the praise of God—that we seldom met in this duty but I got some experience of the love of God manifested to me.
On Thursday, being the fast day, I was in a very ill frame—nothing suitable to the duty of the day. The sermons had little effect on me, if it was not in the afternoon, where Mr. William Crichton was on Amos vii. 2. I thought there was something of the Spirit of God witnessed with him, speaking of the pardon of sin.
On Friday, Mr. Meldrum preached in the Tron-kirk, on 2 Timothy iv. 8, “Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness.” He observed, that a child of God might come to a distinct knowledge of their interest in Christ while here, and that there was nothing else here they could make sure to themselves but this only. As many a time he hath been God’s messenger to me, so was he this day, where I found the breathings of the Spirit of God on my soul. After I came home I thought I got the Lord’s presence in some measure again, where I besought he would make me ready for that solemn occasion now near approaching, and that my graces might be put in exercise, so that I might be a bride for Christ.
On Saturday morning I found the reflects of what I met with Sabbath last beginning to revive again, and the Spirit of the Lord quickening me, where I was enabled to cry for these petitions, which at that time lay weighty on me, to have granted. Such as a loathsome sight of sin; an holy and spiritual walk at all times, in all places, and in whatsoever circumstances; and that I might be a useful Christian in my day and generation. This was a time more than ordinary to me, where I got leave to act faith, that the Lord would grant me these requests; that word being borne in upon me, “To-morrow the Lord will come down and do wonders among you.” This made me go joyfully to the house of prayer, waiting for the out-makings of these promises. This day Mr. William Mitchell was on these words, “Woman, why weepest thou? Whom seekest thou?” John xx. 15. Where he observed, First, That the soul that was seeking Christ would never give over till it find Him. Secondly, That Christ’s absence was such a trouble to a believer, that all other sights in the world could not content them, till they found Him, no, neither angels nor ministers. To this doctrine I could set my seal; for what is all the world without Him? Give me Christ and nothing, rather than a world without Him.
But that which was more particular to me was Mr. John Anderson on covenanting, from Ezek. xvi. 8, “I entered into a covenant with thee, and thou becamedst mine.” Where he observed, that it was the privilege of believers to be in a covenant relation with God. He spoke to the parties covenanting, and to the terms of both parties; at which time, and in what place, I called all in heaven and earth to witness that I was made willing and content to this bargain. This sermon was so desirable to me that I cannot forbear to set down some of the terms, both on God’s part and the believer’s. As to the first, That God, in His covenant, promised to make over Himself, and all that is His, for the supplying of the needs and necessities of His. Secondly, That He would take up His abode and dwell with them. Thirdly, That He would defend them from their enemies. There were several other things he had on this head which my memory hath slipped. The terms on the believer’s part were, First, To receive Christ as Lord. Secondly, To renounce all other lovers. Thirdly, Resignation of all to Him, and subjection to His holy will for evermore. O what power I found come along with these things, so that I thought every sentence had more weight and life than another! I thought I would never weary of this sweet subject, which was like marrow to the bones. After the public worship was over, I began to lay these things seriously to heart, and anew to enter covenant with the Trinity of heaven. O that I may have it to say with David, “Thou hast made with me an everlasting covenant, well ordered in all things, and sure,” that I may not be calling it in question, as I have done formerly. O seal me by Thy word and Spirit, and I shall seal the covenant with my heart and soul, and subscribe it with my hand; and let this peace be a standing witness betwixt Thee and me, that I am Thine, and Thou art mine for ever. Then were the terms of the covenant laid out in broad band before me. I shall set down what then I engaged and solemnly vowed before the Lord, with lifted up hands, on my bended knees.
“I here desire to receive Christ into my heart in all his offices, as prophet, priest, and king. O Lord, when I stand in need of any of them, deny me not assistance, that when I am in the dark anent my duty, either concerning my soul or things of this world, that, on my application to Thee, Thou wilt direct me what to do: O say Amen to this according to Thy promise! Psalm 1. 15. Thou also knowest, that by reason of a body of sin and death, I am daily polluting myself, so that I soon lose my confidence in approaching the throne of grace. O let Thy righteousness be in stead for me; intercede for me there, that I may get free access every day, as often as need requires. Lord, say Amen to this also, according to that word—Eph. ii. 18. Thou also knowest that I have many enemies from without and from within; the devil to tempt me, the world to allure me, pleasures to captivate me in a wrong way, a corrupted nature inclined to everything that is evil: O come then as a king, fight against all these my enemies, for they are not
only my enemies, but they are Thine also; for they all agree in one—to destroy the work of grace which Thou hast planted in my soul! O Lord, whenever any of these assault me, because I am weak, I have no more ado but make my recourse to Thee for help against them. And let Thy good word be made out to me, Who commandest us to cast our burden on the Lord, and Thou wilt sustain us. This day, O Lord, I desire to put a bill of divorce—ment in the hands of all my strange lovers, and say with Ephraim ‘What have I any more ado with idols?’ Thou only knowest what a nest of unclean creatures I have within me: since Thou first took a dealing with me, I never wanted some idol or other, contending for Christ’s room most unreasonably; but I here promise, before heaven this day, in Thy strength, there shall never any other get such room in my heart, but Christ only: and in token hereof, I give my affections to Thy keeping, let them never go out after any thing but what shall be pleasing to Thee. O but I find this one of the hardest pieces of religion, to get the right hand and the right eye of my affections plucked out; but this I know, Thou commandest nothing but Thou hast promised strength to perform. I here this day make a solemn, voluntary, and whole surrender of myself to Thee, soul and body, with all the faculties and members thereof: all that is mine, or ever shall be mine, I devote to be for Thee and Thine. If, in providence, Thou shalt see it meet to bestow on me any of this world’s goods, it shall be at Thy disposal whenever thou callest for it, either to support or supply any of Thy needy members; or, if to lay it down to bear a testimony for Thy truth and interest, all that is mine is Thine: and, for my ordinary walk, I dedicate the tenth of all that I possess; have I much, or have I little, this I desire to observe. And any other enjoyments Thou shalt be pleased to bestow on me, let me know, in that state and station, how to lay out myself for Thee and Thine. Lord, accept of this dedication, and give me light in this matter that I run not into extremes, either to the right hand or to the left; and let me have that part of the covenant made out to me—Psalm xxv. 14. I here again, in the sight of heaven and earth, desire to subject myself to Christ, to be content with whatsoever lot He shall be pleased to measure out to me in this world, and, with Paul, to learn, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. If, in Thy providence, Thou trystest me with poverty, I am content; if with reproach, for Thy name’s sake, I am content; though all the world should become mine enemies, for Thy name’s sake, I am content to suffer persecution and trials for Thy interest, though it were to lie in a prison or dungeon, to be scourged or tormented, I lay my account with it, and am content to be brought to a gibbet or a stake to be burnt at, for to bear a testimony to Thy truth. I here, this day, willingly take up the cross to follow Thee through all difficulties whatsoever, without a grudge. My life is a sheet of blank paper, fill it up with what Thou pleasest. I am here this day content to live as long as Thou pleasest, to die when Thou thinkest
convenient; Thy will is my will. Now, O Lord, Thou seest I make fair promises; but, in Thy sight I profess, I will never keep one of them, but on condition Thou put the same mind in me that was in Christ Jesus, to have a suffering spirit, and Thy presence to be with me. I commit myself to Thy keeping; if ever Thou bring a trial to Scotland, Lord, never suffer me to turn my back upon Thy persecuted way, be the hazard what it will, keep me from sinful compliance any manner of way. I am content to take up my cross and follow Thee; but not in my own strength, for without Thee I can do nothing. O Lord, grant this unto me, that this Communion pass not over with as little fruit and success as others have done; but, from this day, let there be seen a real change on my conversation: whereas before it was foolish, carnal, and earthly, now let it be holy, spiritual, and heavenly, that I may endeavour, as near as possible, to attain to perfection. O that I may never sin deliberately any more. Now, O Lord, all that I desire from Thee, as to things temporal, is that Thou wouldst give me bread to eat, and raiment to put on; let me have neither poverty nor riches, but food convenient for me, without being burdensome to any; and that Thou wouldst seek me out a being in this world that may be most for Thy glory and my good: whether out of service or in service, only let me be a dedicated servant to Thee all the days of my life.”
I dare not but acknowledge that the Spirit of the Lord enabled me to put up these petitions to the Father in the name of the Son; and I got great faith to believe I was accepted, and that He would come down and work wonders amongst us, and that He would do for me above what either I could ask or crave. Meanwhile, I was thus banqueted in the house of love, O but the case of others lay weighted on me! I got leave to put up these requests for them, on whose account I refused to take a nay-say; but especially for the church which was in the furnace of persecution. I thought I could have suspended my communion to them, but that I knew there was enough in God for them and me both. I got leave to plead for the overthrow of their enemies, the Turk and Antichrist, with that proud tyrant in France, and all that were lending in their power to fight against the Lord. Our own mother church in Scotland lay very near my heart at this time, that the Lord would be a wall of fire about us, to preserve us in time of common calamity, so that we may never want pure ordinances in it, without the mixture of popery or prelacy, or any other error whatsoever: whatever thou do with us in a way of judgment and mercy, let it have a tendency to make us holy people to Thyself.
While I was thus supplicating for my Christian acquaintances and relations, the case of my mother (who at this time, I thought, was drawing near to the grave) lay very weighty on me, that her peace might be secured with Christ before a dying hour; on whose account that word came with power, “Because I live, she shall live also.”
This night was so very remarkable that I could not but record it, it being a long time since I enjoyed the like before, and was persuaded that the Lord would not only answer my request, but would do more for me than either I could ask or think.
On Sabbath morning I came to the place to get the seal of heaven to this covenant-transaction, and communicated at the first table, which was served by Mr. Thomas Paterson, who preached on John i. 16; where he held forth a full Christ to the empty soul. I cannot but say the Lord was very gracious to me at this table; but yet I found a great fear on me that I would never keep my resolutions. Through this day I got not that which I was expecting, but was helped to believe that I would get it ere the work was ended.
On Sabbath night I was informed that Mr. Meldrum was to preach on Monday. This was no small satisfaction to me, on the consideration what a blessed instrument the Lord had been pleased to make him many times to me; meantime, I was thus comforting myself, I was checked for it, thinking, What is this I am doing, expecting any thing from the creature? It is but justice though his sermon be blasted to me for so doing. But I bless the Lord that my fears of this nature were mercifully prevented; for the last day of the feast was the greatest day to me—a day indeed never to be forgotten by me, but to be kept in everlasting remembrance. In the morning I got leave to believe that the Lord would grant me all that I was seeking, and was confirmed of this by two Scriptures—“And God granted him all that he requested.” 1 Cor. ii. 9—“Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath it entered into the heart of man what God hath prepared for them that love him.” In the hope of this, I can express to none my joy. Then I came to the place of public worship, where Mr. William Wisheart was on these words—Rev. iii. 11—“Hold that fast which thou hast, that no man take thy crown”: Where he exhorted us to hold fast in many particulars, but especially what we have received at this Communion, telling us that it was more difficult to keep what we had got, than it was to find it when lost, which, to my sad experience, I know full well. But, among other things, he exhorted us to hold fast the profession of the Presbyterian Government, so that none of us should ever consent to the inbringing of prelacy again, which Scotland had spued out; and shall we be like dogs, to lick up our own vomit? where he pronounced a curse on that person that should in any manner of way help to rebuild Jericho. At this I was glad to hear him so faithful, there being great need of such doctrine at this time.
Now, I am in a strait how to record what followed in the next sermon, there being something in it extraordinary to me, which was better felt than can be told, while Mr. George Meldrum was on these words—Jer. 1. 5—“Come and let us join ourselves to the Lord in a perpetual covenant that shall not be forgotten”; this being so suitable to the text on Saturday—“I entered into a
covenant with you”—and so suitable to the work which the Lord had been helping me to at the time of personal covenanting. So the very reading of this text spoke good things to me; and glory to God, I was not disappointed; for, of all the sermons ever I have heard, this was beyond them all. Though I have heard many sweet and comfortable sermons, and many glorious days did I enjoy under his ministry (he being the first minister that ever I heard preach Christ to me so as to receive Him), yet there was something in this sermon surpassing all the rest. I found a great deal of the Spirit and power of God in this sermon, so that I knew not what was sweetest, for it was a time to me no less than the gate of heaven. He spoke of some marks of them that had truly covenanted, and how they should improve their covenant relation. By which marks I was persuaded that I had them in some measure, and my whole soul went out with great desire to have them more and more imprinted on my conversation. He spoke so particularly to these things that I could not but see the Spirit of God witnessing with him, and wrought so upon my spirit that I was put beyond all doubt that I was one that had gotten acceptance, and was received into covenant with God himself, not for any righteousness of my own, but the righteousness of Christ the Mediator, and that this day was the sealing of the covenant of grace with me, those three all bearing jointly witness of the truth of it:—First, His Spirit working by a day of His power. Secondly, My spirit was made willing and content to the terms by this day of power. Thirdly, His servant, as the external instrument, was made to confirm this by his sermon. So all these three agreed in one in this matter: but what my impressions of this were I cannot put in write, for it was beyond all expression, which gives me ground to say, with David, “He hath made with me an everlasting covenant,” never to be forgotten. Then there was a song of praise and joy put in my mouth:—Praise, praise and glory to the great God, who hath done such great things for poor me, who by nature deserved hell and wrath; but the rich mercies of his free grace hath exalted me; at this I call heaven and earth, angels and saints, and everything that hath a being to praise. O that I may be so helped to praise Him in my conversation, that it may evidence my thankfulness in my after-life, though it should be filled up with trials or difficulties of whatever sort or nature; that I may still carry as one in covenant with the Lord, being well content with His way with me. Again I recommended myself to the Lord, and I am well content with the order of the covenant of grace; and here I bind myself to the Lord’s way and to the profession of the Presbyterian Government: be the hazard what it will, I shall stand by and contend for it, with all my might and power, on condition I get strength and wisdom to do it, for of myself I can do nothing. And in witness hereof, I have subscribed this with my hand, the 10th of August, 1702.
ELISABETH WEST.
Next sermon, Mr. George Andrew was on Song ii. 3—“I sat
down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste,” where he answered many cases of conscience, that poor things might be perplexed with, and that this apple tree would protect them from all storms whatsoever. After the public worship was over I began to inquire what the Lord was speaking to us by the tempestuous storms we had met with, and was answered—that thereby the Lord was learning us the A B C of afflictions, and that by this lesson to prepare for greater. There was a word borne in on me to this purpose—Jer. xii. 5—”If thou hast run with the footman, and they have wearied thee, then how canst thou contend with horses?” If so little a trial be troublesome to you, what will you do when you may be forced to run from mountain to mountain—forty or fifty miles through frost and snow—to seek the word of the Lord and not find it?
On Sabbath morning I was in a very dead and confused frame of spirit, and remained so till Mr. Moncrief came out with these words—Psalm xxiv.—”Lift up your heads, O ye gates; and be ye lifted up, ye everlasting doors, that the King of glory may come in.” At which my heart began to melt, for my soul was longing for that sweet guest to take up an habitation in my heart, and to purge me of everything that hindered it. I went to the first table, where the Lord was pleased to shine on me with that word, “Ye shall be mine in that day when I make up my jewels,” in which place I took heaven and earth to witness that I was solemnly devoted to serve the Lord. This was a sweet time to me, and I believe it was so with a great many more, for the glory of the Lord filled the house and wrought a desirable frame on the spirits of men and women so that it could not be hid. O that I could praise and never forget that day! for I was persuaded there were wonders wrought among them.
On Monday morning, I must acknowledge, the Lord was very gracious to me in secret, but more particularly when I was in prayer with one of my comrades; but, when I came to the public worship, I met with a new difficulty, Mr. George Hamilton being on these words—Psalm lxxviii. 36, 37—”Nevertheless, they did flatter him with their lips, and lied to him with their tongues, for they were not steadfast in his covenant.” Where he, for the most part, insisted on this—that many people, for all their fair show and pretence to covenant with God, yet were but dealing treacherously and lying to him with their tongues.
O the distress this doctrine put me into! so that I could not hear the Lord’s servant deliver his message, but with discontent, and I fretted the whole time—I was so discouraged and heartless. Whatever effect this sermon had upon others, I know not; but for me, it dang me both stupid and senseless, so that I wist not what to think or to say, for I thought if I have been dealing treacherously and deceitfully I am out of hope ever to deal honestly. The thoughts of this put me out of case for duties of any sort, and I continued in this discontented frame for some time.
(To be continued.)