Note: the meditation below shows how seriously Christians prepared for the Lord’s Supper in the past. No wonder, then, that they prized services of preparation beforehand, as well as a thanksgiving service on the day after the Communion service. These services are collectively referred to as a Communion Season.
“They were exceedingly sorrowful, and began every one to say, Lord, is it I?” (Matt. 26:22).
It was a commendable exercise of Christ’s disciples, before partaking of the holy supper, to be searching themselves, and looking inward with a holy suspicion upon their own hearts, especially when Christ had told them that there was a traitor among them, and at the same time looking up to Him that is omniscient to assist them in the search, saying, Lord, is it I? Am I the traitor? Will I betray my dear Lord and Saviour?
Ah! every one of us have within us traitorous hearts to Jesus Christ, and have reason to suspect ourselves as they did, and acknowledge that we have many enemies of Christ, lodged in our bosoms, such as “unbelief, pride, malice, envy, ambition, worldliness, atheism, wanderings from God, backwardness to duty,” etc. by which we have betrayed Jesus Christ.
And as the disciples, when searching themselves, “were exceedingly sorrowful,” so ought we before we partake: and good reason have we for it, when we reflect upon our former guilt and treacherous dealing with God, and when we consider the present deceitfulness and desperate wickedness of our hearts, and that they are as ready to betray Christ as ever; yea, that there is hypocrisy and treachery in our hearts against Christ, which we have not yet discovered. Upon all which accounts, we have ground with the disciples to be “exceeding sorrowful.”
Now is the time, O communicants, to search and examine yourselves, and to be exceeding sorrowful for the many traitorous wounds you have given Christ, by breaking both tables of the law, and every commandment thereof; by sinning against light and conscience, against mercies and judgments, warnings and reproofs, confessions and prayers. By unthankfulness for redeeming love, neglecting gospel offers, not loving and resting upon a crucified Jesus, not accounting all things loss and dung for Him; not delighting in attending His ordinances, and in remembering His love in the holy supper, O how treacherous have your hearts been to Christ!
How bloodthirsty have your sins been against Him, in pressing Him down in the garden, in nailing Him to the cursed tree! How are you able to look to Gethsemane or Golgotha, with unconcerned hearts or dry eyes! Were not your sins the principal actors in that horrid tragedy? These, to be sure, were the traitors, which, by the hands of Judas, delivered up Jesus to be crucified: what were Pilate, the Jews, or Romans, but the executioners of your sins? Who put the sword in justice’s hands? Who raised the tempest of wrath against your Surety? O! it was your sins. Blame none so much as them; they were the Judas that betrayed Him, the Herod that mocked Him, the Pilate that condemned Him, and the soldier that pierced Him! Will you not then be ‘exceeding sorrowful’ for your traitorous hearts and bloody sins? Could they ever have been guilty of a more horrid crime than murdering the Lord of glory? O shall the rocks about Jerusalem rend asunder, the earth tremble and shake, the sun vail its face, and the whole heavens put on a mourning habit, when Christ suffered for your sins?
And shall you, the criminals, who deserved all this punishment, stand unaffected? O what stupid hearts must you have, if they do not mourn for your sins, which brought on such agonies upon the Son of God, before they could be expiated? Had you, in your passion, given a deadly wound to any poor innocent man, your hearts would have bled for it all your days! And will not your hearts much more relent for slaughtering the innocent Lamb of God! One that never wronged you, but was always interposing for you, and doing you good!
Remember what David said to the Lord, when he saw the people destroyed for his sin: “Lo, I have sinned, and done wickedly, but as for these sheep, what have they done?” In like manner say you, Lord, I have sinned, I have done wickedly; but as for this spotless Lamb, what hath He done? I have “eaten the sour grapes” but His teeth were set on edge.” O when will your hearts melt, and your eyes weep, if not now? Never was there such a moving sight set before your eyes, as the Lord of glory pierced and slain by your sins. Now it is that “deep calleth unto deep” – deep sufferings in Christ for deep sorrow in thee.”
-Taken, with slight editing, from The Practical Works of the Rev. John Willison, pp. 358-359.