(Continued from page 297.)
THERE is one thing I have to observe, from the Lord’s way with me in my journey heavenward; it is up the brae and down the brae. The whole way I was the last day, was, as it were, upon the top of the brae; and now upon the back of this, I must down the brae, and enter a new combat with my predominant sin again. Alas! my predominant sin was like my shadow, it never left me. O the confusion that in a short time it brought me under! till at last I concluded my spots were not the spots of God’s children; for I thought I was one of the most abominable creatures that ever was born.
One night I dreamed a dream, and thought I saw a woman going through the streets in the most vile and loathsome condition imaginable, she being a monster of uncleanness. She was crying, Will none have pity upon me? I looked upon her, but was forced to put my hands upon my eyes, so that I might not see her again: and I said to her, Woman, thou art such an object that none would pity. With this I waked, and began to think upon my dream. I thought, What if a king’s son were coming by, and seeing this object (that none would pity), should take her into his coach, and wash her himself; this would be thought wonderful kindness.
Immediately the 16th chapter of Ezekiel came into my mind, and in a little time I saw myself to be an object of a more heinous nature by far than the woman was; and yet the King of Glory came by Himself, and pitied me, when I was cast out into the open field. For many days the impression of this woman went not out of my mind; and many sweet meditations I got from it, all which consisted in these three:—1st, What I was by nature. 2ndly, What Christ had done for me. 3rdly, What I had proved, and was like to prove, after all this love. The more I read in this chapter, I still saw my own picture the more drawn to the life; but especially how ungrateful I proved to so kind a Lord, and had taken His jewels, and His fine embroidered garments which He gave me to cover my nakedness, and had bestowed them upon the Canaanites and Amorites, my strange lovers: my idols and predominants got all the earrings, and jewels, and love tokens I got from my kind Husband; and not that they forced them from me, but I gave them deliberately.
Then went out that sentence against me, “O harlot, harlot, hear the word of the Lord.” I was under the impression of these things for many days; yea, every verse in this chapter had an express language to me, so I thought myself unparalleled for abominations of all sorts. In the meantime, when I was thus exercised, I heard of a communion to be at Dalkeith: I was resolved to lie about the pool’s mouth with all my grievous maladies, and also inquire what might be the cause why I was so dragged and tormented with the corruptions of my heart? I went there, but durst not approach to the table, I was such an unclean beast.
When all the work was over, I retired myself alone, where I received a strong conviction for neglecting the duty of communicating; the conviction came by way of question, and it was thus: “What brought you to this place?” “Had you any errands?” “If you had any, why came you not to the King with them?” “And if ye had none, why came you here to disturb my people and only to bear bulk?” With that my heart began to melt: and in His sight I could appeal, that I came not there without an errand; and that the weary sighs and groans I was giving could testify that these brought me to this place, to see if I could find out the cause why I was in these confusions. I must acknowledge, that the Lord was gracious to me in this place; and although I was not at the table yet I bless His name I was taken into the party, where I got some discoveries of His goodness and condescension, and the cause of my perpetual confusion. In the same place He made me resolve, that the first occasion of that nature I should not neglect it, as I have done this, though all the devils in hell, and corruptions of my own heart, should oppose it.
Now, I come to remark and record another wonderful providence, which yet, I think, far excels all that went before. It pleased the Lord, that the first occasion I heard of, was in Fife, at Largo; at the hearing of which my heart leapt within me for joy, though indeed it was at a time when I was sorely perplexed with in-dwelling sin; so that the properest name I could give myself was Legions, because they were many, and also unknown to the world; yet was I resolved to go to the market of free grace, I myself being as merchant that would want many things there. O how earnestly did I long to have a trading with heaven!
I met with opposition from without to hinder me to go; but they were no more to me than the blowing of a feather in the air, for to Largo I must go. Another and I took our journey on Friday morning; and the way was very pleasant, for the Lord helped us to suitable converse, inquiring at one another what our errand was at Largo!
On Saturday morning, when we came to the place, Mr. John Moncrief was on these words, Zech. ix. 9, “Behold thy King cometh unto thee.” He told us, of a truth the King was coming; therefore make ready: do as Joseph did when he went in before Pharaoh, shave yourselves, and change your garments.
Then Mr. George Hamilton spoke on these words, Col. ii. 6, “As ye have received the Lord Jesus Christ, so walk ye in him.” As the one was telling us, “The King was coming,” so the other exhorted us “to receive Him;” the Spirit of the Lord bearing witness with them both, that they were sent expressly from their Master, Christ; and that I hope many can put their seal to.
After sermon, one asked me, what I thought of this day? I replied, there is a prospect of an excellent market day to-morrow, we have had such a brave fair even. I was big with expectation that the Lord’s presence would be with us. That word, Psalm xx. 4, went to duty with me, “Grant thee according to thine own heart, and fulfil all thy counsel.”
On Sabbath morning the tempter was not idle with me, to discourage and disquiet my spirit; and began to question with me, whether it was my duty to communicate or not? I answered, I was persuaded it was my duty, for I got a sharp reproof last communion I was at and did not partake. But, did the devil leave me so? No, no; he took another way with me; for it was against his will that I should communicate that day. He awakened up all the devils and corruptions of my heart, and when I saw them, I presently concluded I would not communicate that day; and, as for my unbelief, it mastered me to such a degree that I could believe nothing, I was so struck with stupidity, Mr. William Moncrief, who was the minister of that parish (it being the first communion that was given there), being on Matt. xxi., “Come to the marriage, for all things are ready.” In the time he was delivering these great truths (and wonderful and large were the offers he made of King Christ that day) there arose the greatest frame upon the spirits of the people that ever my ears heard, or eyes saw. Notwithstanding of all this, I remained a stupid hard-hearted creature; and still the temptation ran with me, it is not true the minister is saying, and many such suggestions were whispered in my ears by the tempter.
When he came to fence the table, I thought he cut me off; for there was not one sin that he mentioned but I was guilty of it; yet there was a secret word borne in on me, “This is the voice of my beloved.” But how shall I testify what a change was wrought in a moment? And O that my recording of this were for the glory of God, and for the edification of those that hear it! how the Lord suddenly surprised me, when I was not thinking on it! so that I was never so sensible of an immediate call from the Spirit of God, as at this time.
When the minister had declared faithfully who were not worthy to come to his Master’s table, then he came to open his commission whom his Master had warranted to call in; in which number I was; for I heard my name and surname there, and was persuaded of it, the Spirit of the Lord bearing witness with my spirit to the call, so as it could not be resisted. And that word came with force and power, “Now, this is the voice of my beloved, arise my love, my fair one, and come away.” With that there arose such a vehement desire in my heart to be with Christ, that I had no patience, but to the first table I went, where immediately that word came, “I in you, and you in me, as the branches are in the tree.” What a frame of spirit I was in, is better felt than told: where my vehement desire was, that the Lord might imprint His image on my heart, and that the Holy Spirit might take up an everlasting abode with me, and that I might have sympathy with the Church in all her distresses; but I having so much to say, and so straitened for time, I besought the Lord to suspend the communion till I went to secret at some dyke-side. I must acknowledge that this was one of the most glorious days ever I beheld; it was like an emblem of heaven, for the glory of the Lord filled the house. And as I came from the table, these two scriptures came into my mind, “This day you have avouched the Lord to be your God. You are a chosen vessel to me, to carry my name.” O how did I rejoice that ever the Lord privileged me to see such a day! For though I had gotten nothing myself, yet, considering what a glorious work was among the people, there could not be but occasion for joy; there was more than ordinary motion of the Spirit among them. There were a great many young communicants at the second table, and indeed there seemed to be travailing of the new birth among them, which occasioned Mr. William Moncrief to cry out, when he was serving that table also, “King Christ, King Christ is come, and has gotten a bride among the young bodies this day.” And as for the old people, there was a great weeping among them, so that the people might well be called Bochim. I cannot but set down some of the words of Mr. John Moncrief had at the table he served. He said, “Communicants, what hath made all this weeping among you to-day? O, say some, We are weeping with Mary, because of an absent Christ. Is this the cause of thy weeping, poor soul? I shall tell thee: may be ye shall meet with Mary’s comfort. Jesus may be nearer thee than thou knowest of. When she thought her Lord was gone, He says, Mary, and presently she was comforted; Rabboni, is this my Lord? O but, says another, I am weeping with Peter, because I have denied Him. Well, let me say this to you, may be it shall fare with thee as it did with Peter; Christ says to Mary, Go tell my disciples and Peter, that I am risen. Poor mourning Peter, he must be comforted. But, says another, I am weeping with Christ Himself at Lazarus’ grave for love; the love of Christ makes me weep. If it be so, may not I then say of you, as the Jews said to Christ, Behold how the folk of Largo love Christ to-day! We thought other congregations had got a singular talent, but Largo has gotten ten this day.”
(To be Continued.)