THE RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE OF A SCHOOLMISTRESS OF THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY.
(Written with her own Hand.)
(Continued from page 68.)
THE Lord was very gracious to me during my abode in that place (Ross-shire), and made up the want of public ordinances and fellowship; for there was nothing but a vast howling wilderness, neither ministers nor people knowing anything of God when I came there. But shortly after the Lord sent the Gospel to that place, and polished a shaft for Himself, to be the voice of one crying in the wilderness, etc., and then the wilderness blossomed like the rose, even as I was made to hope when I came first there. For, being someway taken up with the sad condition of the place and my own loss, I got many a comfortable promise to that purpose, whose accomplishment I saw. The Lord made me also to dispense with the want of kindness from relations, with which I had been well used, so that I did not so much as desire to see them.
I was wonderfully helped to patience under afflictions, though what I met with in that country was not light in itself, and was aggravated by many circumstances, especially from these who should have been most comfortable. I was also helped to as much tenderness in that place as ever I wan to since, though I never had so little external help. I was not altogether left to barrenness in converse, as I had occasion, with persons wanting grace. As for others, I was a considerable time there before I saw any; but afterwards the Lord both gave some spiritual acquaintances, and helped me to improve them to advantage.
There were four lying rods that accompanied me for at least the space of twenty years together, which began with me in that place, by which I received much benefit, viz., sickness of body, death of children, outward difficulties, and many crosses from my nearest relations, besides what were transient; but they were blessed to me for making me a stranger on the earth.
I met with so many spiritual mercies in that wilderness that I desired, before I went from thence, to get an opportunity to declare to others what the Lord had done to my soul; and, as to the substance of the petition, I was heard. For, after I had lived almost four years in Tain like a hermit—not being one night all that time out of the house I had lived in—I came over to Moray for a visit, and fell sick. Then the Lord brought to my remembrance His kindness to me in the wilderness, and I, not being able to contain myself, spoke of it to all that came to see me. So this was reserved for making my acquaintance in Moray, where I was to live for twenty years thereafter, where I was kindly entertained by the Lord and all that knew Him.
I got a call to stay in the parish of Oldearn, which was the place I came to for a visit; and my family being in Ross, where I met with much kindness from the Lord, and having some acquaintances that were very dear to me, especially Mr. Thomas Hog, with whom I desired to consult about the change of the place, I was unwilling to close with it till first I went to Ross. But that behoved not to be, it being the Lord’s mind that I should come to that place; and, had I gone to Ross before I had closed with their call, I would not have been suffered to come from thence, as I afterwards found by their dissatisfaction with my coming to that place. The Lord’s hand remained on my body till I closed with my call to Moray, and then I got health. Ever since that time it hath been the Lord’s way with me, when to remove from one place to another, He still laid His hand upon my body, threatening death; and when I searched and found I was called out of a place, and closed with it, then I got health, importing my unwillingness to change places; but the Lord saw it meet that it should be so.
I met with much mercy in that place, so that for nine months together I had constant communion with Christ, wherein all my spiritual senses were satisfied. I saw, I felt, I heard His voice; I savoured His name as ointment poured forth; I tasted that He was gracious. During that time, for the most part, I was sick, but unconcerned with that; my heart being wholly and constantly taken up with Christ, I saw no beauty in anything but in Him. I met with an extraordinary confirmation of His love, that I incline not to mention, the sense whereof had almost broken my body; but by providence there was a wise friend beside that diverted me, and so recovered me.
But after this I was sore tried with subtle temptations to sin; but the Lord graciously preserved me. I also met with some trials of affliction: One was (besides the death of two fine children in that place, and two before in Ross—some of which were of more than ordinary expectation), I had a young one overlaid by his nurse, whereof I had warning before, which yet I took not, laying more stress on the judgment of others than my own, who thought these things to flow from my affection, and though they often recurred, to the breaking of my peace and health. I could not rest in the night for near a month together; but still judging, with others, that it proceeded from my affection, I fought against it till what I greatly feared came upon me; and then a hell arose in my conscience for blood guiltiness, and sin against light. I roared through the disquietness of my heart, and Satan was also let loose upon me, still sounding that in mine ears, “Pursue and overtake, there is none to deliver.” Only that word kept me up insensibly—Christ’s soul was troubled. Thus I continued in extremity for eight days, much without sleep, crying out against myself. Then I began to enquire what I should do, and I remembered that Christ prayed in His soul-trouble; but I said I could not pray. At length I resolved to make use of words, and so I laid out my case to the Lord, and called for a Bible, and began to look upon Job’s sufferings, and was directed to a suitable place—Job xxxiii. 27, 28, 29. What I noticed most was—If any say “I have sinned, and perverted that which was right, and it profited me not,” then the promise was to such. So I could say that I had sinned, and it was far from profiting me, for it sore hurt me. Now, the promise was—He will deliver him from going down to the pit, and his life should see the light. This was very suitable to me; but Satan fought by all means to make it ineffectual, and did so far prevail, through my great weakness, that I thought, except I got a parallel of that promise, I could take no comfort from it. And so the Lord in mercy directed to Jer. iii. 13: “Only acknowledge thine iniquity,” etc. This proved only a little divertissement from the extremity, for my trouble remained till I was almost gone. And then the Lord sent an interpreter—one of a thousand—out of another country, whom I longed to see, viz., Mr. Thomas Hog, and as the sight of that faithful friend did a little divert me, so he was directed to put me upon a right way of recovery, which was by “quieting my mind under present trouble, both outward and inward, and taking with all that Satan could charge me with, and then making application to the blood of Jesus, that washeth from all sins.” And that friend taking me to his house, where I stayed for the space of a month, the Lord made out the former promises, and thoroughly restored my soul before I returned. And all this I had for rejecting warning, and to scar from the meddling with the like in time coming, He having a mind to lead me through a pathway that my inclinations were very averse from.
After this I met with a sore blow from a Christian acquaintance and neighbour, who, through emulation—I being noticed (though most undeservedly) by some fearing God more than that person was,—proved such an affliction to me that I was either necessitate to leave the place, or suffer the way of God to be reproached. This was an old professor. So, after I had stayed four years in that place, I went to Forres, where I stayed eight years, and I shall but remark a few of many remarkable providences I met with there.
(To be Continued.)