THE RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE OF A SCHOOLMISTRESS OF THE
SEVENTEENTH CENTURY.
(Written with her own Hand.)
(Continued from page 350.)
ANOTHER remarkable passage was: The sore sickness I fell into, threatening death, which was a check both to my friends and me for being so unwilling to part when He called me so to do; which, some of them perceiving, told me that if I recovered and were pressed to go from that place, they should not any more oppose it, which proved a beginning of deliverance to me from that sickness. The causes which the Lord discovered to me of this long and sore sickness, and of His changing one of the fairest days that I ever yet met with (and that for a quarter of a year uninterrupted) into a sad night of desertion, were these: 1. The neglect of a duty I had been many times and ways encouraged to, and have been many times sharply rebuked and chastised for the omission thereof, which aggravates it exceedingly, viz., that I dealt not sincerely with God in seeking and waiting His mind in a particular though of no great consequence, my mind being biassed; which provoked the Lord to leave me to another sin, which He had likewise been at pains to teach me to shun, which was unadvisedness in words and carriage, and both these in one day, after the Lord had put me in one of the desirablest frames, both in reference to the public and private, that ever I remember to have been in. From which I observe: First—That reiterated guilt, together with the foresaid aggravations, win not away without a sicker stroke, where the Lord intends special mercy. Secondly—That there is ever the greatest hazard of falling into some hand-weakening sin, through security, after the Lord hath appeared most gracious to the soul. Moreover, one sin makes way for another, and all contributes to the Lord’s withdrawing. I suffered the weight of my afflictions to come upon me, notwithstanding of the Lord’s declaring against this frequently, willing me always to rejoice in the great goodness of God that through grace He had made me partaker of, and to reckon that the sufferings of this life were not worthy to be compared to the glory that was to be revealed in me. And this, which was my sin, became my punishment; for when I would have shunned the weight of my troubles I could not, my strength in a great measure having departed from me. But the Lord, who hath ever taken the occasion of my destroying myself to become my help, took the opportunity of my plunging myself into these
depths, to bring to the exercise of faith, and thereby both supported me and drew me out, even when I may say, Deep called unto Deep.
The Lord taught by this affliction (1) Living by faith and wrestlings; and by this giving me the victory over my sins, crushing them in the very roots thereof by His mighty power, as also my tentations and afflictions, and having by degrees brought His work in my soul to some period by His sensible presence, made it an easy work to keep the victory over all these. But I having provoked the Lord to withdraw His sensible and comfortable presence from me, He hath been training me all alongst to mortify sin, to overcome temptations, and to bear afflictions, by the exercise of faith without sense, driving me to the promises; He having in His great mercy, in my greatest extremity inward or outward, kept clear the knowledge of my interest in Him, in whom all the promises are yea and amen. (2) The confirmation of a lesson that the Lord had many times taught me formerly, viz.: That the Lord afflicts not willingly. Which He made appear to me thus: First—As His manner hath been for the most part, He showed me a way to avoid the trouble before it came. Only, through the deceitfulness of my heart, I did not so thoroughly see to evade this trouble before it came as I have done at other times, and as now I do. Secondly—By the Lord’s threatening before He struck. Thirdly—By the Lord’s striking me with lesser strokes, and an easy gentle sickness for six or seven weeks together, compared with what I met with after, which I could not want. This I note, with indignation at myself, and to the praise of the admirable faithfulness, condescendency, free and rich mercy of God in Christ. (3) Tribulation and anguish must be on every soul that doth evil, and, though He forgive, vengeance must be on their inventions. And in this not only His goodness and faithfulness to His people appears, but His holiness also in appearing against sin in them whom He loves most dearly. (4) To prize the Word highly, in being most useful in this strait. (5) All enjoyments beneath prove broken cisterns in times of extremity. (6) The Lord hath been teaching me by this sickness to keep my heart in a constant and careful readiness to go out of time, and to keep loose from all entanglements. (7) The sins that I see the Lord takes most notice of in me are those that relate to man, either the people of God or the world. (8) In making enquiry after the Lord’s mind in affliction, ’tis necessary that the circumstances thereof be not neglected. (9) Mercies misprized and little noticed by me, the Lord hath discovered to be among the very greatest of mercies. As, for instance, I having been seeking deliverance from some trouble, the Lord answered me with a promise of strength to my soul. I, apprehending that that presupposed a lengthening of my trouble, did really misprize it; yet the Lord in His wonderful goodness both gave it me and continued it with me, and afterwards withdrew it, and made me to know the worth of it by the
want of it; but was pleased to bestow it upon me again after frequent seeking and seeing my folly in misprizing so great a mercy. And now, through His great mercy, He hath brought my neck to undergo His yoke voluntarily as long as He shall think fit, if He put strength in me, which I am bound to believe He will, because of His promise. (10) I find it dangerous sometimes to refer the clearing of a case to Providence. (11) Our unbelief will not make the faith of God of none effect.
The next thing I notice is, the mercies I met with in this affliction. And, 1. The great pains the Lord was at to prepare me for it a long time before it came. 2. The bringing it on by degrees. 3. All the time I had ready access to a throne of grace, though the Lord was pleased to deny an answer as to a present outrage, but gave that which was certainly better. 4. Suitable promises were given against all my fears, which were many, and I had an opportunity thereby to exercise faith. 5. In all my troubles, outward and inward, from the Lord’s absence and Satan’s constant temptations, I was never tempted to question my interest. 6. Light and teaching accompanied this affliction. 7. No difficulties to part with them that were dearest to me, and this because I was confident that I was going to Christ that is best of all. 8. Little or no trouble about what might become of my family after my death, but committed them confidently to the Lord. 9. The company and sympathy of them that were dearest to God in that place I lived in, and dearest to me, and so most desirable. 10. Nothing wanting to my body, either as to attendance, diet, or quietness; and she who attended me supported all the time, which was a great wonder, circumstances considered. 11. I was brought back from death to life merely by the Lord’s condescendency to His people’s prayers; this was palpable. “My soul, bless the Lord, and all that is within me bless his holy name; who forgiveth all my sins, and healeth my diseases.” These, and many more mercies, the Lord was pleased to bestow upon me, and, according to His faithful Word, suffered me not to be tempted above strength, but gave frequent breathings, at least once in twenty-four hours, and so drove gently; the night was also short, for I could sleep none in it; and He mixed sweetly my bitter cup of inward and outward troubles, and did not bring upon me an only evil.
(To be Continued.)
International Commission on Opium Traffic.—This Commission has been meeting at Shanghai during February, with a view to consider the assistance of China in its desire to terminate the Opium traffic, and we earnestly hope that the Commissioners may have wisdom to come to the right decision. There are representatives of Great Britain, the United States, Holland, and other countries, Continental and Eastern, sitting. May the Most High bring to an end the great curse of China!