(Continued from page 24.)
PERIOD FIRST.
Containing an account when the Lord first began to take a saving dealing with her, the means by which He effected it, the manner of the Spirit’s operation, and the gracious effect thereof; together with an account of the religious connexions she made choice of, with the grounds and reasons which induced her thereto.
IT has been the practice of saints, both in former and later times, not only to keep in memory, but oft-times to commit unto writing, the many instances of the Lord’s goodness manifested to them, for the honour of God, to evince the reality of religion, and to edify and comfort fellow-saints. This we find exemplified by the practice of the man according to God’s own heart, Psalm lxxvi. 16, “Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul.” It hath seemed good unto me also to attempt something in this way. O that I could so record what God hath done for my soul, as that He may get the glory of all, and that I might take shame and confusion of face to myself; and that others, who hear of these things, might fall in love with glorious Christ and holiness. O what great reason have I to wonder and admire at the goodness of the Lord, that did not send me to the pit in the pitiful condition of seeking justification by the works of the law, never remembering what I was by nature! In this unhappy situation I remained until it pleased the Lord to send Mr. Smiton into the west country, in the year 1740, upon the last Sabbath of March, I being then about eighteen years of age.
Mr. Smiton, at that time, preached on these words, “We all with open face, beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord,” &c. He gave us some marks of those who had seen the glory of the Lord in the glass of ordinances; and immediately it was impressed on my spirit that I had never seen his glory.
He prefaced on the 80th Psalm, and gave a very large and free offer of Christ to captive sinners. He called the whole earth, from the rising of the sun unto his going down, to embrace the Saviour; then I was sure he called me, with the rest, to come to Christ. After urging the call, he said, “Ye have gotten a call to come to Christ this day, and if ye refuse to come, where will ye flee when Christ cometh to take vengeance on them who have not obeyed his voice in the gospel?” He moreover added, “If ‘they that despised Moses’ law, died without mercy, how much sorer punishment suppose ye shall they be thought worthy of, who have trodden under foot the Son of God and have counted the blood of the covenant an unholy thing? There remaineth no more sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful looking for of judgment, and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries; namely, the despisers of Christ.” He also spoke of the Lord’s having a controversy with the inhabitants of the land: and amongst the many sins he spoke of, he mentioned the breach of our solemn covenants, the burying and burning of them, and the blood of the Lord’s remnant that was shed, in this nation, for their adherence to the Lord’s truth and cause, and for which the Lord hath a controversy with the inhabitants of the land. Now, I thought I never heard of these things before, and they grieved me all that week.
I heard him preach the next Sabbath day. He gave us again a very large offer of Christ. He said, “I, in the name and authority of my great Lord and Master, on the first Sabbath of April, 1740 years, make offer of Christ to every man and woman here; and it will be recorded in heaven, whether ye embrace him or not.” O this was a witness in my heart that I had gotten an offer of Christ, but had not embraced him. And this remained a question with me, what would become of them that had never seen glorious Christ? When I was meditating on this, all of a sudden my depraved fallen state was more fully laid open to me than what I could well conceive of. I was filled with wonder and amazement at the dreadful wickedness of my heart, which was like a hole full of serpents when the light of the law did shine upon it. The law said, “Cursed is every one that continueth not in all things written in the book of the law to do them.” Before this time, I thought I had a good enough heart, “but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died:” and now I saw my heart to be “enmity against God;” I saw I had lost that noble end for which I was created, namely, to “live to the glory of God.” Now I saw myself to be a condemned criminal, but I knew not the day of my execution. I thought that there was nothing between me and hell but the brittle thread of natural life, which could soon be broken at God’s command. “I remembered God, and was troubled.” I was filled with tossings to the dawning of the day. And when it was morning, the cry was, when will it be night? and at night, when will it be morning? “The arrows of the Almighty did drink up my spirits.” My case, at this time, was similar to that of the Psalmist, mentioned in Psalm cxvi. 3.
“Of death the cords and sorrows did
About me compass round;
The pains of hell took hold of me,
I grief and trouble found.”
One time I went out into the fields, so filled with fear of divine wrath, that I thought—Where will I flee when the Lord will come to take vengeance on them who have not received Christ in the offer of the gospel? I thought, when Christ would come to take
vengeance on them that had not obeyed his voice in the gospel, my language would be to the rocks and to the mountains to fall on me, and cover me from the wrath of God and of the Lamb. O this sin of despising glorious Christ lay heavy on my conscience. And in this dreadful confusion, I durst not sleep, lest I had awakened in everlasting flames.
In this perplexed situation, I took my Bible in my hand, but, at this time, it was all alike to me: the first words I looked upon were Psalm cxl. 7, “O God the Lord, the strength of my salvation; thou hast covered my head in the day of battle.” These words were sweet to me for a little time; but thoughts soon arose in my mind, that they were not for such a wretched miserable sinner as I am, who deserved nothing but hell and wrath. I resolved that I would cry for mercy while I was out of the place where his mercy is clean gone, but thought the Lord might bid me “go to the gods whom I had served, and let them deliver me;” because when the Lord cried, I would not hear: although he cried to me by the rods of affliction and by his voice in the gospel, I would not listen; “so they cried, and I would not hear, saith the Lord of Hosts.”
At this time, there was a minister of the Associate Presbytery to preach in our bounds, which was both joy and grief to me, for I thought I would get another offer of glorious Christ, and afraid that would heighten my condemnation in hell. The minister prefaced on these words, “I waited for the Lord my God,” &c. Psalm xl. 1. He observed, “That it was often the lot of the Lord’s children to be in the deepest and fearfulest pits; but the Lord seasonably delivers them, and puts a new song in their mouth, their God to magnify.” “A bruised reed he will not break, and the smoking flax he shall not quench.” “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun the good work in you, will perform it unto the day of Christ.” These words gave me a little hope, and the minister spoke well to my case; for, at this time, I knew so little of God, or his way of dealing with sinners, that I thought none ever was in my situation. O but the burden of guilt lay heavy on my conscience! whether I went out or in it always haunted me. So perplexed was I, that at one time I drew this hellish conclusion; I even wished I had never known the burden of sin, for I even thought it a wonder that it sank me not down to the pit. But, O the amazing goodness and condescension of God, who supported me with His precious word!
At this distressed time, these words were borne in on my mind, 1 Cor. ii. 9, “Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have it entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him.” But, alas! I could not believe that God had thoughts of love to me. But then these words came into my mind with power, John iii. 36, “He that believeth on the Son hath everlasting life; and he that believeth not the
Son, shall not see life; but the wrath of God abideth on him.” O what sorrow did this fill my heart with! for I could not believe; and to have the wrath of God abiding on me, O how did this pierce my soul! I found, however, a strong bias in my heart to have life by the works of the law. O the pride of my heart, it would not bow to the sovereign grace of God.
By this time, my natural strength was much gone; for the arrows of the Almighty drank up my spirits. But this was not all, for at this time I fell into a severe fever, which I imagined would be death to me, and hell after death. “My heart he did bring down with grief, because I wrought rebelliously against him.” O the confusion I was in during the time of this fever! I cannot tell how little I slept, lest I had awakened in everlasting flames.
There came a young woman of my acquaintance to see me in my trouble: I told her something of my case. She exhorted me to essay believing on the Son of God. To which I replied, I can no more believe than I can remove mountains. She farther said, So might the man say that had the withered hand, “I cannot stretch it out;” but he obeyed the command and power came along with it. So do ye. To which I replied, I see the holy law of God pursuing me for the debt of perfect obedience.
When I was thus reasoning with myself, these words were borne in on my mind with power, Rom. x. 4, “For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to every one that believeth;” with these words, Job xix. 25, “For I know that my Redeemer liveth, and that he shall stand at the latter day upon the earth: and though after my skin worms destroy this body, yet in my flesh shall I see God; whom I shall see for myself, and mine eyes shall behold, and not another.” O wonderful love; O that I could praise him for his love!
“O that men to the Lord would give
Praise for his goodness then;
And for his works of wonder done,
Unto the sons of men.”
“For he hath delivered my distressed soul from death.” O with what joy was my soul filled! I had now peace of conscience and joy in believing.
Before this, I feared that death would come to me, armed with the sting of death, which is sin, to drag my soul to the prison of hell; but now I beheld death to be a vanquished enemy, for I saw that glorious Christ has paved the way to heaven and glory for me. “Thanks be to God, which giveth me the victory, through our Lord Jesus Christ.”
Thus the Lord led me to Mount Sinai, and discovered to me His awful majesty, and that He is a consuming fire out of Christ; and then to Mount Sion, and shewed me the glory of His grace. The Lord wrought this deliverance for me in the year 1741. I was not only immediately healed in spirit, but in body also; for
the Lord rebuked the fever, and it abated. Now, O how sweet was Christ to my soul! I could then have rolled these words as a sweet morsel under my tongue, Rom. viii. 2, “For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath made me free from the law of sin and death.” Now it came to be a piece of serious exercise with me to know whether it was my duty to continue in communion with the ministers of this church, when I consider the backslidings of the present judicatories, in their exercising a lordly power and authority over the heritage of God, by obtruding ministers upon the flock of Christ, in all corners of the land; so that they have scattered the Lord’s flock, and made them wander on the mountains in the dark and cloudy day, and obliged Christ’s sheep, who know his voice, but will not follow a stranger, to wander from sea to sea, and from one part of the land to another, to hear the pure and good word of the Lord, and many times could not find it.
And, moreover, of late the Sabbath of the Lord hath been publicly profaned, by the most part of ministers, by their reading the Act of Parliament concerning Capt. “John Porteous,” by the reading of which, the alone headship and sovereignty of the Lord Jesus over his church has been invaded, and his free and independent kingdom is likewise given up with; and having likewise subordinated their ecclesiastical meetings, in appointing fasts and thanksgivings, to the civil powers, whereby the Redeemer’s crown has been profaned and cast down to the ground. Now, if it be the duty of the flock of Christ to flee from, and not to hear strangers, hirelings, and such as the Scripture characterizes to be wolves, thieves, and robbers, then I cannot see it my duty to hear them. See Rom. x. 15. “How shall they preach except they be sent?” “Yet I sent them not, nor commanded them; therefore they shall not profit this people at all, saith the Lord,” Jer. xxiii. 32.
(To be continued.)