(Continued from page 363.)
MR. John M’Cara’s sacrament at Bruntsields was dispensed fourteen days after Stirling, also in the year 1755. Between these two sacraments I had some sore assaults from Satan; but I got also some sweet meditations of the Lord’s loving-kindness in the intervals. On Saturday Mr. Cock preached on these words, Zech. xiii. 1, “In that day there shall be a fountain opened to the house of David, and for the inhabitants of Jerusalem, for sin and for uncleanness.” Mr. James Erskine was much on “the crucifying of Christ.” But all the time I could not get a view of glorious Christ, and this grieved me much; for I thought I had sinned Him away from my soul. On the Sabbath morning I was sore troubled because the Lord hid His face, and this led me to take a more close view of my heart-plagues. And I got a discovery of the sin of unbelief, and thought it was the sin for which the Lord hid His face; especially one day I recollected in the time of Mr. C.’s sermon, by the violent assaults of Satan, and my own unbelieving heart, I could not believe that the Lord would love the like of me, a black lump of hell; and so concluded hell would be my portion for ever. At this time I got such a clear view of my sin of unbelief as though I had crucified Christ in Crawford’s-dyke. Oh! this grieved me sore to think of the wounds I had given to glorious Christ. At this time these words were borne in on my mind, Hebrews vi. 6, “Seeing they crucify to themselves the Son of God afresh.” Ah! I sinned against light. O that abominable sin of unbelief, which parts between Christ and the poor soul. Then I thought, O if I had but one blink of His glorious countenance again; but I had sinned Him away from my soul.
Mr. M’Cara’s action sermon was on 1 Peter iii. 18, “For Christ also hath once suffered for sins; the just for the unjust, that he might bring us to God.” He spoke much of the sufferings of Christ, and the whole of it was a remarkable discourse. When he had served the first table, he invited the people to come speedily to the second; and to encourage them, he said, “God will not lay His avenging hand upon you, for He hath laid it upon Christ: He beheld the blood of the covenant, and He laid not His hand upon them: ‘And they saw the God of Israel, and there was under His feet, as it were, a paved work of sapphire stone, and as it were the body of heaven in His clearness; also they saw God, and did eat and drink.'” He said to believers, “There is no fear though ye be under a cloud, it is not a cloud of wrath” (Exod. xxiv. 10, 11, 18). O the majesty that I saw in these words! there was such a power came along with them, that it had a savour for many days, for I got leave to make application of them to myself. Then I resolved to go to the table of the Lord with both joy and sorrow: sorrow for my sins, and joy that God had laid His avenging hand upon Christ, and therefore He would not lay it upon me. I went to the table in the faith of it, wondering at the love of God, and He sweetly manifested Himself to my soul. O that I could praise the Lord for His love! When I was about to remove from the table I was sore afraid that I would again dishonour God by unbelief, or by complying with Satan’s temptations. However, I was enabled to take a new hold of the promise that I got in the time of temptations before. The word of the Lord is the ground of my hope. And when I was coming away from the table these words came sweetly in my mind, “Fear not to go down to Egypt; for I will surely bring thee up again.”
One Sabbath-day in the month of August, 1755, Mr. C. preached on Jeremiah iv. 2, “The nations shall bless themselves in the Lord, and in him shall they glory.” One head of the doctrine was to speak of the “seasons” that we are to glory in the Lord. Among the many seasons he mentioned that we were to glory in the Lord, the time of “trouble” was one; the time of Satan’s temptations was another; and a third when the law came for the “debt of obedience.” On this head he observed, “That the ghost of the old husband is sometimes as frightsome as the husband himself.” But when this is the case, he told his hearers they might say, “O law, thou hast gotten more glory from Christ, my husband, than if I had stood in the state wherein I was created; for, He who made the law, hath ‘magnified the law, and made it honourable.'” Another season that we were to glory in the Lord was at “death,” because Christ hath unstinged death: “O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?” A fifth season that we were to glory in the Lord was in view of appearing before the “judgment-seat of Christ.” We are to glory in Him then because He is near of kin unto us. O that I could praise the Lord for such a day! I must acknowledge that this was one of the most glorious days that ever I beheld: it was like an emblem of heaven; for the glory of the Lord so filled my soul, that I got liberty to glory in Him as my Husband, as my Redeemer, and as my near Kinsman. O that I could bless Him for the gospel of Christ, being an account of His love, and the greatest proof of it. I believe His love with application to myself, and I desire to be in Him.
The next Sabbath morning, as I was going to the ordinances, the adversary suggested that I would fall a prey to him one day or other, and so wound religion. At this I was sore grieved, for I knew that by the deceitfulness of my own heart and the temptations of Satan, I would fall a prey to him, if the Lord did not uphold me. But then, O how sweetly were these words borne in upon my mind, Psalm cxxi. 3, “He will not suffer thy foot to be moved; he that keepeth thee will not slumber.” O how sweet were these words to me! for I got leave to glory in the Lord as my keeper. This was a day of power indeed, as ever I felt: I saw that it was the Spirit of the Lord speaking by His servant. O that I could bless the Lord that ever He brought me under Mr. Cock’s ministry, for he has often been the minister of Christ to my soul.
This sacrament was to be dispensed at Glasgow on 31st August, 1755. Some time before this I was under sore affliction for some time, and my trouble was so very great that I thought it might be death. Whereupon these words came into my mind, with power: “For yet a little while, and He that shall come, will come; and will not tarry.” O when will that “little while” pass away? O when will all these shadows flee away, and that day come when I shall have uninterrupted communion with Thyself, and no doubts about the truth of promises—no faint views, no questioning our interest in them; but then a day without a cloud in it, or a night to follow it? O come! my lovely Lord Jesus, come speedily.
I saw it to be a rod, however, in the hand of a loving Father. But one thing that grieved me was, I thought the Lord was chastising me for sins formerly committed in attending on ordinances, on account of which I thought the Lord might keep me away from the sacrament which was at hand. But it pleased the glorious Hearer of prayer to bear in on my mind, by His word and Spirit, that He would both deliver me from my trouble and bring me to the ordinances. And so it fell out; for I got a very remarkable deliverance from my trouble, and I went to the sacrament.
On the Saturday I got leave to hear with application. But on the Sabbath morning these words haunted me, Exod. xxxiii. 3, “I will not go up in the midst of thee, for thou art a stiff-necked people; lest I consume thee in the way.” Oh! how did these words grieve me! I could not think of His wrath flaming against Israel. I went to prayer, crying, “See, O God, our shield; look on the face of thine anointed dear, thy dear Son,” with many more petitions; but found no comfort. I was sore grieved for the congregation, lest the Lord should make a breach upon us, as He did on the sons of Aaron, because they offered strange fire before the Lord, which He commanded them not: “And there went out fire from the Lord, and devoured them; and they died before the Lord” (Lev. x. 2). I was afraid that some of us might offer strange fire before the Lord, and so provoke Him to make a breach upon us. I fell prostrate with my face towards the ground, grieving for my own sins, and for the sins of God’s Israel; and earnestly begged that He would purge away our sins, for His name’s sake; and come forth with ministers and people to the feast, and glorify Himself, shewing mercy to us, notwithstanding, of our rebellion and ungratefulness to Him: and praying that His presence might go with us, and that would make a gladsome feast. And I must say to the praise of the Lord that He condescended to hear unworthy me, and by His word and Spirit so shined in upon my soul that I was filled with wonder at His love. The words which He brought to my mind were Exod. xxiv. 8, 11, “And Moses took the blood, and sprinkled it on the people, and said, Behold the blood of the covenant. And upon the nobles of the children of Israel he laid not his hand: also they saw God, and did eat and drink.” O how sweet were these words to my soul! O what joy was it to my soul to see that God had laid His avenging hand upon glorious Christ and would not lay it upon us! I then went to the meeting-house, wondering at His love, and sat down at the first table.
Mr. Fisher, at that time, preached on Psalms xxiv. 7, “Lift up your heads, O ye gates; and be ye lift up, ye everlasting doors, and the King of glory shall come in.” After explaining the words, he observed the following doctrine, viz., “That as there is a solemn charge given to sinners of mankind, in the dispensation of the gospel, to open or lift up the doors of their hearts to Christ the King of glory, in a way of believing, so it is secured, by promise, that He shall come in.” In discoursing the subject, he proposed to do the following things: “(1) To speak of the solemn charge here given to sinners of mankind, to lift up, or open the everlasting doors of their hearts. (2) To speak of the King of glory, in whose favour access to the heart is demanded. (3) To speak of the promise of His in-coming to the heart of sinners. And then to apply the subject.” And I must say to the praise of the Lord this was as joyful a day as ever I saw all my lifetime; for a bright display of redeeming love did, with power, shine in upon my soul. This whole day I got leave to delight myself in His love, and I had little molestation from enemies without or within my own heart.
(To be continued.)