(Continued from page 22.)
IN this melancholy situation, O what burden did all religious duties become to me! Verily I thought it was a weariness to serve the Lord, when I could not find Him in the duty. And amidst all my down-castings, I had the roaring lion to grapple with, who loves well to fish in muddy waters. The enemy would often persuade me that there was no reality in religion. However, these considerations enabled me not to credit it. 1. If there were no reality in religion, how comes it to pass that graceless sinners, when they come to die, when people are for ordinary most serious, do so frequently desire to be religious? 2. If there be no reality in religion, how comes it to pass that the religious are so often encouraged by God in the practice and profession of religion, and meet with so many mercies from the God they serve; and many of these mercies come to them as the answer of their prayers? 3. If there be no reality in religion, how comes it to pass that the judgments threatened against the wicked, in God’s word, have so frequently such an exact accomplishment? But we have need to take heed of fighting against Satan with human reason; for that leviathan laughs at the shaking of this spear—his skin is too thick, and his scales too close to be pierced by it.
Did Satan leave me so? No, no; he came so fiercely on me, and to such a degree, that I was tempted again to self-murder. Then I cried to the Lord, and said, “The Lord rebuke thee, O Satan; even the Lord that hath chosen Jerusalem, rebuke thee.”
Whatever has been in my lot of judgments or mercies, I see matter for a song. 1. The judgment of “temptations;” they are not like the gall of asps, bitter and deadly, but like good rhubarb and aloes, by which iniquity shall be purged. 2. The judgment of “corruption” humbleth, and layeth us low; so that we may become the habitation, where the Lord will dwell. And is not this matter of a song? and it sends us many errands to the throne of grace. 3. In the judgment of desertion we want not matter of a song, for this, among other reasons, because the Lord thereby teacheth us that we cannot stand on our own feet: we are like a broken glass that cannot stand without a support. When I enjoyed the light of God’s countenance, I thought never to be moved; but now He hath hidden His face, and I am troubled: and yet it is matter of a song, and that because this long desertion is but making for a new manifestation, where we shall get a “new song put in our mouth” (Psalm xl.), where David was shewing how he was “in the depths, where there was no standing;” but what follows? “He set my feet upon a rock, and put a new song in my mouth, even praises to our God.”
This week our minister had a fast-day, and he preached on Psalms cxliv. 5, “Bow thy heavens, O Lord, and come down; touch the mountains, and they shall smoke.” He observed, that there were mountains of Bether between the Lord and his people; but if He would touch them, they would smoke or flee away. This was very refreshing to me, for I was at this time greatly deserted. The Sabbath-day following, the sacrament was to be dispensed in Mr. M’Cara’s congregation, where I resolved to attend. When I came to the place, O how sweet and refreshing were the sermons on Saturday to me! Mr. Moir discoursed upon Gal. iii. 1, “Before whose eye Jesus Christ hath been evidently set forth, crucified among you.” The whole of it was sweet to me; but when he came to the application, he gave us some marks of trial, and in the meantime my heart could have sealed the truth of the evidences he condescended upon me: he spoke of the very language of my heart, and I wanted not some measure of joy in hearing this sermon. I thought he spoke directly to my case, and I got a new confirmation of my adoption.
Mr. C. was on Phil. iv. 19, “But my God shall supply all your needs, according to his riches in glory, by Christ Jesus.” O but this was a sweet sermon to me! for I saw in glorious Christ that which could supply all my wants. Am I ignorant? He is a Prophet: am I guilty? He is a Priest: have I enemies? He is a King. What though the devil tempt me to misbelief, I can answer him with promises; what though I meet with afflictions, a crown of glory will make up for all. Yea, all things are in glorious Christ that I want. This was a very comfortable night to me, and these words haunted my mind, “Sanctify yourselves, for to-morrow the Lord will do wonders amongst you.”
Mr. M’Cara had his action-sermon in Deut. xxx. 19, “I call heaven and earth to record this day against you, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and cursing: therefore choose life that both thee and thy seed may live.” He called all things in heaven, and all things in the earth to witness against us, if we would not accept of Christ. I thought there was a remarkable power came along with the words, making me willing to consent to this blessed bargain. In which place I took to witness the heavens and the earth, that it was a sealed bargain betwixt Christ and me; for I was made willing with the offer. After that I had consented to this blessed bargain deliberately, I went to get it sealed at the table of the Lord. My petitions at the table were these:—That the Lord would continue His gospel in Scotland for ever; and that He would continue the gospel in that congregation; for, at this time, there were great surmises of Mr. M’Cara’s leaving them, which was great sorrow to me then, and still more so when it actually took place, as it really did a short time after this. My third petition was, That the Lord would open the hearts of sinners in that congregation to consent to glorious Christ, so freely offered to them in the gospel. There were also some petitions put up for myself; particularly, that He would keep me from all sin: “I here this day promise, as in Thy sight, O Lord, to stand to Thy interest though persecution should arise; and to lay down my life, if Thou callest for it. Come, Lord, tie both me and my resolutions fast to Thyself, that I slide not back in trying times. O but this was a comfortable day to me, wherein my interest in Christ was as visible to me as if it had been written in golden letters before mine eyes. It is impossible for the tongue of men and angels to declare the joy and comfort I experienced, when I thus gave myself to the Lord; and in testimony whereof, I take myself to witness, and all in heaven and earth, that I am not my own, but the Lord’s. Written and subscribed at Bruntsfields, the fourth Sabbath of July, 1757.
MARION LAIRD.”
(To be continued.)