AFTER this I went to Kilsyth, and by the way was filled with some hope that the Lord would knock off my fetters, and set me at liberty. But unbelief arose against my hope, and darkened all again. On the Monday night I was suddenly enlarged in prayer, and my soul drawn out after a whole Christ, and came away rejoicing in the Lord and His goodness; but I soon began to think myself vain, and to become proud of my duties. However, the Lord did not suffer my pride to swell; for shortly thereafter He discovered to me more of the hidden mysteries of iniquity which were in my heart; which was the means of humbling me in the dust. He blasted all my gifts, so that I could scarcely ask a blessing on common mercies; withdrew from me, in some measure, His restraining grace; and left me to wrestle with my heart-idols. There arose such a darkness and deadness on my spirit that I could not think, desire, or do any thing that was good.
I continued in this condition from the beginning of October, 1742, till the middle of December, wrestling with my own corrupt nature, and thinking that I was given up to evil affections, and to a reprobate mind. At last I set some time apart to inquire into the state of my soul, and to see if there was any saving change wrought in me. While meditating on these things, that scripture came into my mind, Mark viii. 24, “And he looked up, and said, I see men as trees walking.” Then I thought I beheld some glimmering sight of my own case, which the light of nature could never discover to me; and that He who made me, though but darkly, to see those things which were beyond the light of nature, would yet, in His own time and way, restore me to full light, that I might see every thing clearly.
I was also greatly encouraged by reading Phil. i. 6, “Being confident of this very thing, that he who has begun a good work in you, will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”
When I went to the field to meditate after reading the second chapter of Matthew, my very soul rejoiced at a Saviour having come into the world; and I found more than ordinary enlargement in prayer. I had sweet meditations all that day, of the love of God in sending Christ to save sinners.
On the second of January, 1743, being the Sabbath on which the Lord opened my eyes to see the Mediator in all His offices, from that Scripture, 1 Cor. i. 30, “But of him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto us wisdom, and righteousness, and sanctification, and redemption,” I beheld such a glorious sight of the Lord Jesus Christ, revealed in these words, as I will never be able to express. First, I viewed Christ as wisdom, or a prophet, sealed of the Father to this office; namely, to teach me the will of God; and that I had lost communion with God, and all saving knowledge of Him; and that the Lord Jesus Christ was made of God unto me wisdom, to teach the true knowledge of the unknown God whom I ignorantly worshipped (Acts xvii. 23); and when the devil had ruined Adam in a state of innocence, he might more easily deceive me now, to take the shadow of religion for the substance; especially as I am void of all spiritual wisdom.
I saw also that He was made of God unto me righteousness, or a Priest; and likewise saw my need of Him as such, having no real righteousness of my own in the sight of a holy God. The Lord convinced me of the extent of the divine law, which reaches to the very thoughts of my heart, as well as to the actions of my life. My mouth was thus stopped, and I became guilty before God (Romans iii. 19). At the same time I was convinced that I could never, by my own doings or sufferings, satisfy God’s justice in my own person. But the Lord was pleased to shew me His own dear Son, as He is, “holy, harmless, undefiled, and separate from sinners; as a lamb without blemish to satisfy essential justice in the room of sinners;” and that it was by this sacrifice of infinite value that my sins could be pardoned; and that it was by the obedience of Christ to the whole demands of the law, in doing what it commanded, and in suffering what it threatened, that I was to be acquitted from condemnation; that it was the active and passive obedience of the Lord Jesus Christ, by which I could stand complete before His justice; and that this righteousness must be imputed to me, and received by faith alone.
I now saw that He was as just in saving me when brought within the new covenant as He would have formerly been in damning me, while I remained under the old covenant. “He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins” (1 John i. 9). When I considered the complete righteousness of the eternal Son of God, made over unto me, in a covenant way, from Him as the covenant head, my very soul rejoiced within me. I opened my eyes as it were in a new world, and saw glorious things which were hid before. At this time I had marvellous light in reading the epistles of Paul to the Romans, Galatians, etc., etc. I saw that the bed was long enough for my weary soul to rest upon; and that this covering was broad enough to wrap my naked and guilty soul in. “I rejoice in Christ my righteousness.”
I beheld Christ as being made unto me redemption, or a King; and myself a slave sold to the devil, and to my own heart’s lusts. I saw that the debt which I contracted was so very great that nothing less than the treasure of a very rich king could pay it; and that the strong man who kept the house was a mighty tyrant, well armed and fortified in every way, so that nothing less than a stronger man than he could overcome him. “But thus saith the Lord, even the captives of the mighty shall be taken away, and the prey of the terrible shall be delivered; for I will contend with him that contendeth with thee” (Isaiah xlix. 25).
I saw that Christ as a Redeemer was in every way fit for the undertaking; that He had fulness of merit to pay the price; and fulness of power to overcome His enemies. “For in Him it pleased the Father that all fulness should dwell.” He is able to save to the uttermost; and who knows what that uttermost is? Methinks I see the mighty conqueror coming down from heaven, and laying hold on the dragon, that old serpent, and spoiling him of that armour he had in my heart and nature, wherein he had his great trust, namely, darkness, ignorance, unbelief, enmity, etc.; and placing His own armour in their room, namely, light, knowledge, faith, love, etc.
Then I saw that the ransom of the soul was a thing which all the angels in heaven, and all the men on earth could never pay with all their riches and strength; yea, that nothing less than the unsearchable riches of Christ could pay the debt; and that nothing less than the Almighty power of Christ could prevail against Satan.
I saw that Christ was not only wisdom and righteousness unto me; but that He was sanctification and redemption also. Therefore I gloried in mine infirmities, that Christ and all His offices might be magnified. I was made to see Christ to be all in all, and myself nothing.
This is the foundation of my hope, my comfort, my peace, and my safety. And now, O my soul, what think you of Christ? Is not He the fairest among ten thousand and altogether lovely? Is there any thing wanting in Him? Is He not all thy salvation and all thy desire? Yea, He is indeed.
That Sabbath evening, after I had spent the greater part of the day in meditating upon the fulness which is in Christ, I saw how suitable He was for my case in every way; and, as it were, called for my former unbelief, to see if it could object any thing against this complete Saviour, who was now revealed unto me in the gospel; but at this time unbelief durst not appear. I have, many a time, called the forementioned Scripture to be my charter for the heavenly inheritance; for I saw it contained more than I can write or express. O it is wide!
(To be continued.)
YONDER lies a tree newly cut up by the roots! the gardener’s patience could no longer bear with its barrenness. Now, my soul, the axe is laid to the root of the tree with me. If I improve not this gospel-opportunity, which I now enjoy, quickly shall divine judgments cut me off.—O the stupendous patience of God! thrice four years He came seeking fruit, and found none: and what am I, even now, but a barren cumberer of His ground! Yet no stroke of wrath hath cut me off; nay, God hath promised to make my barren heart to blossom and bring forth fruit abundantly.—
John Brown.