(Continued from page 151.)
ABOUT this time I went to Kippon, where the Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper was being administered, and enjoyed sweet manifestations of God’s love at the solemn feast. I had great delight in hearing the word preached, by which the secrets of my heart were made manifest.
On the Sabbath evening I retired to a glen whither I was wont to resort for prayer; and after reading the 17th chapter of the Gospel according to St. John, found that every sentence of it had more light, life, and power, than another; so that my joy was very great. I devoted also some time here in meditating on the difference there was between this and my former exercises in the same place.
* Passages between brackets indicate that these are omitted in the Gaelic translation.
[Formerly, they consisted in working out a righteousness of my own, but the exercises of this day were directly contrary to them; for a better righteousness than my own was revealed unto me, upon which I cheerfully renounced my own rags, and accepted of it as being infinitely better. I rejoiced in the doings and sufferings of the Lord Jesus Christ in my room, and could this evening, with the greatest freedom, call Christ—”The Lord my righteousness,” and join with the ransomed company above in singing, “not unto us, not unto us, but unto thy name be the glory.” The Lord of His infinite grace convinced me of my natural pollution, and of the emptiness of all my duties, and their insufficiency to avail any thing in point of justification or acceptance. It was the real satisfaction of all the powers and faculties of my soul, to exalt the Lord Jesus Christ, and debase myself to the lowest, when I beheld His glory and complete righteousness. Further, my former exercises were forced; for although I performed many duties, they were exceedingly burdensome. But this day I found the love of God in Christ constraining me to holy obedience, and the believing in, and trusting to, the righteousness of Christ made me work more than when I had in view to be justified by my works.] After going to bed that night I thought I might sleep securely, without fearing any evil, since the Lord was at peace with me. I thought that should death come before morning, it would be very welcome. I rejoiced over the fear of death and the grave.
I came from this ordinance rejoicing in the Lord and His goodness, which I had seen and felt; but in case I should be exalted above measure, there was a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan sent to buffet me; for after I came home I found great wandering of heart in time of duty, and also blasphemous thoughts concerning God and the covenant of grace.
On account of these things I proposed to set a day apart for fasting and humiliation before God; and likewise to draw a form of a covenant in writing between God and my soul. For this end I appointed a day, a month previous to my entering on this solemn transaction, and wrestled night and day in prayer that God would fulfil His promise to me. Psalms xxv. 14, “The secret of the Lord is with them that fear him, and he will shew them his covenant.” And also, that He would give me composure of mind when going about such an awfully important service; that He would rebuke my great enemy, Unbelief; that He would furnish me with proper experience in writing it; and above all, that He would determine my heart to accept of His covenant.
The day appointed for this was the 5th of August, 1743. I had frequent enlargement in prayer, and faith in God that He would bestow everything as the work of the day might require, so that my mind was in a great measure quieted. Yet I had great weight upon my spirit about the awfulness of the approach. I read Guthrie’s “Trial of a Saving Interest in Christ,” and the scriptural warrant for personal covenanting with God in express words, and also directions. Every thing was so ordered, that the world was no hindrance to me; and in order to be more retired, I went into the cave of a rock, and as the Lord assisted me, went about this duty in the following manner.
I began the duty by singing a part of the 51st Psalm ; and went to prayer, making confession of my sins by name, as far as I could remember them. Then I began to search them out one by one, according to the rule of the ten commandments, and, after searching, found myself of a different opinion from the young man who came to Christ, and said, “All these have I kept from my youth ;” for I saw that, though it should be said to me, now, “If thou wilt enter into life, keep the commandments,” I could by no means do it.
Again, I took a view of the sins which were there forbidden, and found myself guilty of breaking every one of them, either in heart or life, and which, being attended with heinous aggravations, rendered me the chief of sinners.
Now, O Lord, I do here stand before Thee a law-condemned, a self-condemned sinner, owning myself to have come short of every duty which is required, and guilty of every sin that is forbidden in Thy holy law ; and, therefore, I will justify Thy righteous judgment against me, even shouldst Thou sentence me to the lowest hell ; for it is my just reward.
O Lord, Thou wouldst do me no wrong if this should be my everlasting habitation among devils in the unquenchable flames. Thou art just and righteous, and Thy law holy, just, and good ; and in token thereof, I do, as in Thy presence, subscribe with heart and hand, guilty, guilty to the whole law,
DUGALD BUCHANAN.
Then I spread the black catalogue of my sins before the Lord, by the very sight of which, if my heart was not harder than the nether-millstone, it might be rent, and my pride humbled in the dust. O this was a shameful, heart-rending, and soul-humbling view ! O blessed Jesus, who endured the shame and despised the cross for me ! O blessed Lord, who had Thy heart melted like wax in Thy bowels for the hardness of my heart ! O blessed Jesus, who carried this load of my sins upon the cross, which, to all eternity, would have sunk me to the bottom of hell ! I am now come to Thee, the main design of this day’s fasting, which is to lay hold on God’s free and gracious offer in Christ, promising to be an all-sufficient God to me, and that in a covenant way. I have read the outward call in Thy word, and I find the internal work of Thy Spirit determining my heart to accept of Thee, and, therefore, in Thy strength I proceed.
O ! eternal Jehovah, Lord of lords, and King of kings, the great Creator of heaven and earth, keeping covenant and mercy, even Thou art Lord alone, and all the host of heaven worship Thee. All nations are before Thee as nothing and vanity. They are counted as the dust of the balance. Lo ! these are part of Thy ways, but how little a portion is known of Thee !
The heavens are not pure in Thy sight, and Thou chargest Thine angels with folly. How much more man who is a worm, and the son of man who is a worm ! O what is man that Thou art mindful of him, or the son of man that Thou dost visit him! O Lord, Thou hast made all Thy creatures to shew forth Thy power and wisdom, and Thou makest manifest Thy providence in the glorious government which is seen in their beautiful order. But man only of all Thy creatures in this lower world hast Thou made capable of glorifying Thee, for Thou didst create him in Thine own image, and endowed him with a rational soul.
Thou graciously didst enter into a covenant of life with him, and his seed in him, to perform perfect and personal obedience to Thy holy law; and didst give him strength to do his part of the covenant, and didst pronounce death upon him for the first breach of it; and he, being left to the freedom of his own will, fell by transgression, and plunged himself and his posterity into a gulph of sin and misery, out of which they were not able to extricate themselves, either in whole or in part.
And now, O great and dreadful Majesty, I am here before Thee, one of this guilty and condemned race, and do profess my belief in my fall in Adam as my covenant head, and that I have lost Thy glorious image, and in its stead got the image of the devil; and that I have lost all knowledge of Thee and Thy will. Darkness and ignorance have overspread my understanding, and my original righteousness is also lost, for I was conceived in sin, and brought forth in iniquity, with a chain of guilt wreathed, as it were, around my neck; and as to the holiness with which I was endowed, it is gone and my heart is become a sink of filthiness and uncleanness of all sorts: there is in it a fountain of wickedness which never ceaseth.
I am now an enemy to Thee in my mind; yea, enmity itself, that will not accept of reconciliation when it is offered. All the powers of my soul are now turned into confusion, insomuch, that I cannot meditate one minute upon Thee, without some distracting thought or other pertaining to the devil, the world, or the flesh.
O Lord, I am a hopeless creature in myself. I see the flaming sword of Thy justice keeping me every way from the tree of life; and am now convinced, that it is out of the reach of man or angel to help me, so that I will certainly perish unless Thine own right hand make help for me. But glory to Thy great name, who foresaw this misery from all eternity, and hath, in Thy boundless love, provided a sufficient remedy, and laid help upon one who is mighty to save, even Thine eternal and only begotten Son the Lord Jesus Christ, with whom Thou didst enter into a covenant of redemption, in name and behalf of Thy elect, that He should redeem and save them, by assuming their nature, and in their room satisfy divine justice and fulfil the law which they had broken. Glory to Thy name for publishing this eternal transaction to Adam in paradise, that the seed of the woman should bruise the head of the serpent. And now, O Lord, Thou hast published this covenant in the everlasting gospel, with a full and free declaration to all who would lay hold of it, on Thine own terms; namely, that they should renounce all their own righteousness, and lay hold on the free and gracious covenant as it is now exhibited in Christ, with an entire dependence on His righteousness, both active and passive, for their justification ; and that I am called by the preaching of the gospel into the fellowship of Christ the head thereof.
Therefore, upon the warrant of Thy offer, and in obedience to Thy divine command, I, a poor sinner, do take hold of that covenant for life and salvation, believing on the name of Christ crucified, the Head thereof, offered and exhibited unto me as my great High Priest, who, by the sacrifice of Himself, hath made atonement and brought in an everlasting righteousness for poor sinners. Accordingly I trust in Him, that He with His righteousness will be mine ; that in and through Him God will be my God, to make me happy here, and through eternity.
And now, O my God, I do here this day renew my baptismal engagements to renounce the devil, the world, and the flesh, and take all things about me to witness, that I will, by Thy grace assisting me, break all my covenants with death and hell. I will have no other Lords but Thee ; and I believe that Thou wilt banish any strange god that will offer to usurp Thy throne in my heart ; for Thou hast said, that iniquity shall not have fellowship with Thee in the throne of the heart. And since Thou, in Thy amazing grace, hast condescended to be my husband, I do now give the hand to Thee, that I will be for Thee and not for another, all the days of my appointed time, till Thou take me home to Thyself. Likewise, I renounce all my sins, and particularly my beloved idol. O my God, I renounce all subjection to Satan’s government, and all compliance with the will and interests of the flesh. I renounce all dependence on this present world, for all my treasure is in Thee, O blessed Jesus, in whom dwells all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.
Now, O my God, I do, by Thy grace, acquiesce in that covenant, as all my salvation and all my desire, and seeing Thou art a consuming fire to all who meet Thee out of Christ, I do, therefore, make choice of God in Christ, as my God and portion for time and for eternity ; yet not I, but Thou hast chosen me, and it is by virtue of Thy choosing me, that I have chosen Thee ; for the language of my heart was in former times, Depart from me, for I desire not the knowledge of Thy ways. I take heaven and earth to witness, that I accept of the whole glorious and adorable Trinity ; God the Father to be my Father, God the Son to be my Saviour, and God the Holy Ghost to be my Sanctifier.
O my covenanted God in Christ, this day I give my hearty approbation to this glorious method of salvation by Christ Jesus, and Thou, who knowest the hearts of all men, knowest the language of my heart, for I cannot express the secret act of it. But O this is a wonderful contrivance, beyond the thoughts of men or angels. My soul says, this covenant is suitable, in every way becoming Thy glory, honour and wisdom, in which all the divine attributes shine in the face of the surety ; and O it is a suitable covenant for me. I want the tongue of angels to express the beauty and the excellency of the Lord Jesus Christ, the covenant Head, in whom the promises are all yea and amen, to the glory of God. O how wonderful is it, to think of Thy justice which was formerly engaged to destroy me, now pacified and become my friend. Thou art just, and the justifier of him who believeth in Jesus. O Lord, Thou knowest that my soul saith more in approbation of Thy covenant than my tongue can express. Thou hast declared, that the Lord Jesus Christ is Thy well-beloved Son in whom Thou art well pleased; and if I had as many souls as hairs upon my head, I would venture them all upon His complete righteousness, for I never got rest until I cast my guilty soul into the arms of Thy love and mercy: but I must forbear writing and betake myself to wondering.
O Lord, accept of the meditation of my heart. Again, O Lord, I do here accept of the laws and terms of Thy covenant, and particularly that which excludes boasting for ever, and that suffers no flesh to glory in Thy presence. O send Thy Holy Spirit that He may work all in me and for me, and bring down cursed self to the dust; then will I be glad and rejoice. Now, O God and Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, and my Father, who art in heaven, since Thou hast provided so largely for me, I do give myself up to be a dutiful child unto Thee, to receive correction patiently, and accept of afflictions, losses, and crosses, from Thy hand, because I know it is for my good.
Now, O dear Son of God and my only Saviour, I take heaven and earth to witness, that I accept of Thee in all Thine offices: I take Thee alone for my Prophet, to be taught and directed by Thy word and Spirit, and renounce my own wisdom and the wisdom of this world; and I accept of Thee alone as my Priest and King for time and eternity. And I will never forsake Thee come what will; that which makes me so confident is the unchangeableness of Thy love, for whom Thou lovest Thou lovest to the end.
O God, the Holy Ghost, I accept of Thee as my Sanctifier, Guide, and Comforter. I welcome Thee unto my heart although Thou shouldst come as a Spirit of judgment; “Blessed is He that cometh in the name of the Lord.” O come and mortify my strong lusts and corruptions; spare none of them. O glorious Trinity—three persons in one Godhead, I here make a universal resignation of myself and all that is mine unto Thee, and, as in times past, I gave my members as instruments of unrighteousness to uncleanness, I now yield them up as instruments unto holiness; and my will, which was formerly rebellious, I give up to Thy holy and blessed will—my dark understanding to be enlightened by Thy Holy Spirit that I may come to know the things which are freely given me of God; and my mind to retain Thy precious truths, and to meditate upon Thy law day and night; and my affections which are carnal and earthly to be spiritualized.
And I give up my heart which is deceitful above all things and above all hearts sinful and unclean : O make it as Thou wouldst have it to be, soft, pliable, and holy. Be cast open, all ye gates and doors of my soul, that the King of glory may come in and dwell here for ever. O Lord, search in all the corners of this treacherous heart, and drive out all enemies, that Thy throne may be established in the midst thereof. Set up gates and doors, and keep the keys Thyself, that none may come in without Thy special permission. O watch over this city, otherwise I shall watch in vain. O Lord, accept of this offering, and send Thy Holy Spirit that He may sanctify my soul and body for a temple to Thyself : and since Thou hast said in Thy word, that it is Thy will even my sanctification ; O let Thy will be done.
O Lord, I appeal unto Thee who art my witness, that this is the consent of my soul ; and I ascribe all the praise of this disposition to Thy Holy Spirit who hath thus determined my heart by Thy grace to be wholly Thine. O eternal Jehovah—Father, Son, and Holy Ghost, I have avouched Thee this day to be the Lord my God, and I believe that Thou hast avouched me to be one of Thy peculiar people, to hearken to Thy voice, Thy statutes, and Thy judgments to do them. I take heaven and earth to witness that I desire to be saved by the method of free grace. I make all my promise in Christ’s strength, and rest not in my promise to Thee, but in Thine to me. O blessed Jesus, Thou wast surety of this covenant from all eternity, and in time Thou art surety for the fulfilling of all the parts of it in Thy elect by the operation of Thy Holy Spirit, therefore I believe that Thou art surety for me also.
Glory to Thee, O Father of my Lord Jesus Christ, who from this day I will call my Father, for Thy everlasting electing love, manifested in the fulness of time, by sending Thine eternal Son into the world to save sinners, and me in particular. Glory to Thee, O God the Son, for Thy redeeming love in saving me who am the chief of sinners. Glory to Thee, O God the Holy Ghost, who came into the world to apply this purchased redemption to elect sinners. Glory to Thy name, who by Thy almighty power arrested my course when I was running full career to hell, and hast turned me back and made me willing in a day of Thy power as at this day ; glory to Thee for the sweet communion of Thy Holy Spirit which I have enjoyed this day. It was set apart for fasting, and Thou hast turned it into a day of feasting ; let my soul be glad in the Lord and His goodness, since He hath satisfied me with the fatness of His house. I desire not to rest in anything attained ; my soul is crying for more. O Lord, keep up this appetite, and never let it grow full, in case I should forget Thee ; neither let me want, in case I be found gleaming in another field, and not in the field of this near kinsman. O let me never turn aside from following after Thee, although I be in persecution or in prison. “ O let Thy people be my people,” etc.
(To be continued.)