Being a continuation of God’s gracious dealings with my soul
from August, 1745, to December, 1750.
THE Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper being about to be dispensed in a neighbouring congregation, I went there and got a soul-refreshing view of Christ at His own table both in a way of correction and comfort, these Scriptures being presented to my view: Ezek. vi. 9, “Because I am broken with your whorish heart, which hath departed from me.” “Behold, I am pressed under you as a cart is pressed that is full of sheaves” (Amos ii. 13); which turned my eyes to the sufferings of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, whose dying love I was now commemorating, and to view my own sins as the cause of His sufferings. I beheld God’s eternal Son pressed by His Father’s divine fury as a cart is pressed under sheaves even to agony and bloody sweat. Oh! it was not what the Jews, the Romans, or what the devils did to Christ, that I was made to see, but what my sins and whorish heart did, and what His heavenly Father did to Him in the days of His hot displeasure when He stood in my law-room and stead as my surety. And how it pleased the Lord to bruise Him and put Him to grief, when He made His soul and body an offering for sins, yea, for my great sins, etc.
Oh! my soul, behold God’s hatred against sin; His love to sinners. See, O my soul, what Thy sins cost the Lord of life, and try if you can make light of it again.
Thus I got a view of the price of my redemption and the heinous nature of my sins which tended to break and melt my heart into real sorrow for my sins, and to mourn and be in bitterness as for an only son.
*[Then I was made to take a new hold of Jesus Christ as my covenant Head, and of His righteousness as a sufficient clothing for my naked soul. I was made see that, Jesus Christ the Son of God, by His being flesh, became my elder Brother (Hebrews ii. 12), and that it was by Him only that I had the adoption of a son. I saw plainly that I had need of Christ in all these respects, for my own righteousness was too narrow a covering, and my duties too short a bed to rest upon. Then I said, O Son of God, who, in Thy adorable humility, was pleased to become the son of man, that through Thee the sons of men might become the sons of God! Oh! Thou who art called the repairer of the breach and the restorer of the paths to dwell in, repair the breach between God and my soul and restore me to the paths of
* Passages between brackets indicate that these are omitted in the Gaelic translation.
righteousness. Yea, Lord; there is such a heap of rubbish, guilt, and unbelief between me and the foundation, that I find it more difficult to find Thee again as my sure foundation than when I was brought from a state of nature. O, then, let all these ruins be under Thy hand and discover Thyself to me as my sure foundation, otherwise I’ll never dig through this heap of guilt and unbelief and build upon Thee alone.] At evening I went to secret prayer, and if ever I was sincere in anything, it was in dedicating myself to the service of God and to the honour of His name in yielding up all my members as instruments of righteousness unto holiness; yea, I was made to believe that He accepted me in the beloved, therefore, I concluded that my mountain stood strong and that I should never be moved; but little did I think what a storm was coming and what a journey I had to go before I was to get another meal, no less than two whole years.
[Soon after this the rebellion broke out in the north, but my spirits were so stupified during the whole time it lasted that I could not be concerned for anything, for I had a rebellion in my own breast against God. Sometimes I got my soul revived by viewing the method of grace in Christ and the promises of the new covenant. Yet, notwithstanding these short blinks, I found that grace, as to its exercise, was under a manifest decay in me, even that which remained; namely, the habit as well as the exercise was ready to die. As I was one day lamenting my sad case before the Lord, beseeching Him to revive His work in me as in the days of old; and that He would graciously look upon the present woeful decays of faith and other graces in me; and that He would send forth His Spirit to renew the decayed face of my soul; while I was thus wrestling with God by arguments drawn from the covenant of grace and the firmness of His purposes, and that nothing less than an unchangeable purpose of grace and love, could suit such a fallen creature; these words sounded, as it were, in my ears: “And I will bring the blind by a way that they know not; I will lead them in paths that they have not known; I will make darkness light before them, and crooked things straight. These things will I do unto them and not forsake them” (Isaiah xlii. 16).
At this time I did not perfectly know that there was such a word in the Bible; especially the last part of it, “these things will I do unto them and not forsake them.” Instantly there followed peace and calmness into my disturbed soul. There light and life also sprang up, as when Christ said, “let there be light and there was light.” Here I found, to my great surprise, an answer to two whole years’ prayers in one verse. O the unsearchable grace and comfort I found in this passage of Scripture! It was to me as if God had said, “my people are all of them blind by nature as well as others; therefore I will lead the blind by a way they know not.” Yea, by a way they never thought of, and I will lead them even in paths they have not
experienced nor heard of, for I have paths to lead my people in which no fowl ever saw, and which the vulture’s eye hath not seen; but it is a path of judgment, for I lead in the ways of righteousness. I will make them know that I have a path of weeping and supplication to bring to Zion, as well as a path of comfort, for my way of bringing sons and daughters to glory.
“Therefore, blind soul, trust me to bring thee to myself in my own way, and to exercise thy graces in my own manner. I have opened thine eyes to behold something of my grace in my Son; but, as yet, thou art blind in respect to what is unrevealed. I bring all my children to glory by a way of crosses and losses, by a way of disappointments, tribulations, temptations, and afflictions. I am He who destroyeth the hope of man. I will destroy thy hope when thou hopest in anything but my grace. I am the way myself, and what I do, or how I lead thee, thou knowest not now, but thou shalt know hereafter. Only for the present follow me, and though I should lead thee through fire and water, I will bring thee to a wealthy place, and lead thee forth by a right way to a city of habitation. These things will I do unto thee and not forsake thee. Thou art still afraid that I will not pursue the designs of my grace in thee which is to destroy thy sins and sanctify thy nature and establish thee in my righteous ways, and thou art yet more afraid that I will forsake the work of my hands. But, O thou of little faith, wherefore dost thou doubt? O fool and slow of heart to believe all that my prophets have said and all that my people have experienced in every age. Read my promise: ‘These things will I do unto thee and not forsake thee.’ Believe my promise and rely upon my faithfulness to my promise. Trust my almighty power to make the promise forthcoming unto thee. What is thy petition? Is it that the body of sin may be destroyed and thy nature sanctified, that the image of my Son may be restored in thee, etc. All these things will I do unto thee and will not forsake thee after I have done it, for I will do unto thee far above what thou art able to ask or think. I will deal with thee according to thy Advocate’s intercession at my right hand.”
“He has the tongue of the learned and I hear Him always. Because thou art naturally bent to forsake me, thou thinkest that I am so too to forsake thee. But thou shalt know that I am the unchangeable God, and that therefore thou art not consumed. I know what thou wert before I manifested my Son Jesus unto thee, and I know what thou art yet and what thou wouldst be if I would leave thee. Thy goodness is as the morning cloud and early dew that soon pass away. And it was not my foreseeing any good in thee above others which made me love thee, but my sovereign pleasure to manifest the riches of my free grace in thee. I loved thee because I loved thee, and will rest in my love towards thee and not forsake thee altogether. So that thou mayest be confident of this very thing,
that I who have begun the good work will carry it on till the day of Jesus Christ. Yea I will do better unto thee than at thy beginning, that thou mayest know that the whole of thy salvation depends upon free grace from first to last.”
I walked in the comfort of this promise more than twelve months, and in all my addresses unto God I turned that promise into a prayer, saying, “all these things do unto me and not forsake me,” etc.
Many a soul-refreshing and comforting meal I had from the promise of God in Christ in whom all the promises are yea and amen.
In the months of July and August, 1748, the Lord confirmed His love in the preaching of the Word and also when receiving the Sacrament of the Supper, and thereby prepared me for that dreadful storm which was coming. And though it is now over yet I tremble to relate it; and O that I could do it in such a way as that God may have all the glory and His people get warning, though I should be exposed to the greatest shame and ignominy.]
In the year 1745 the greater part of my relations were concerned in the rebellion, some of them fell in battle and others suffered at Carlisle,* but though the cause was bad yet I was heartily grieved and could not forgive those who, by their power and false witnesses, were instrumental in their death, and so, by degrees, I began to entertain resentment against them. The devil seeing me harbour revenge added fuel to the flame by representing the pleasure of being revenged on such persons though they were entirely out of my reach, yet the meditating thereof was now become very pleasant to me. Sometimes, conscience would fly in my face with these or the like Scriptures: “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath, for it is written, vengeance is mine, and I will repay, saith the Lord,” etc. But I could not hearken either to Scripture or to reason. Nothing would satisfy me but blood, therefore I spoke favourably of that sin though contrary both to my reason and judgment.
[I acknowledge to my own shame and to the glory of God’s patience that He bore long before He let Satan and my own heart loose upon me. But at last I was left to myself for a season as a just punishment for my sin that I might know more of the desperate wickedness of my heart, and, no doubt also, that God’s sovereign mercy might be more manifest in my recovery from those devouring depths into which I had now fallen.
The devil having once got this master-sin off his hand presented more to which I was formerly addicted, and being so far left to
* One of the individuals here alluded to was Francis Buchanan of Arnprior; he had not been concerned in the enterprise of 1745 in any way. He was taken prisoner at his own house of Leny, Perthshire, and carried to Carlisle, and condemned by false witnesses, and hung on the 28th of October, 1746, not at Carlisle, but at Penrith.
myself I was easily overcome and soon embraced one, and after that another till I was fast enclosed in his snare. Then I cried to the Lord to help but He would not hear, and all my prayers and fastings could not recover me out of the snare of the devil by whom I was now led captive at his will. The Lord spoke to me in my prosperity but I would not hear, and now in adversity He gave a deaf ear to all my cries when desolation encompassed me about like a whirlwind.
I might now say with Job, “God hath now delivered me to the ungodly, and turned me over into the hands of the wicked.” Satan set upon me in good earnest, drew me daily into acts of rebellion against God to the dishonour of His name, the wounding of my conscience, the grief of my sincere friends, and to the hardening of the wicked in the ways of sin. I said with Peter, “Depart from me, for I am a sinful man, O Lord,” and at last gave up secret prayer; for after I had been in secret lamenting my folly and madness, Satan was sure to fall upon me more furiously than ever.
Then I laid it aside altogether to see what the event would be, but I was afraid to give over public prayer in my family lest religion should suffer on that account. So I kept it up in a superficial way and for this the devil never troubled me, he cared not though I had a name to live if I was really dead. And O! was it not strange that any person who had experienced so much of the love and favour of God should be so far deluded as to give over private prayer once so pleasant and comfortable?
(To be continued.)
The late Mr. John Mackenzie,
BOOR, POOLEWE, ROSS-SHIRE.
THE January number of this Magazine reprinted an appreciative and friendly notice of this worthy’s death and funeral, which had appeared in the Northern Chronicle a short time before. It was the intention, however, all the time that one or other of the Free Presbyterian ministers would frame a brief notice of this truly excellent man, and so, by the earnest request of the Rev. D. Mackenzie, Gairloch, with whose congregation he was connected, the duty has devolved on the present writer, as one that knew him longest and most intimately.
John Mackenzie was born at Boor, Poolewe, about 1833, and at Boor he died on the 14th November, 1914. His experience of “the early rain” of the Spirit’s influences was a thing many years in the past, when the present writer began to make his acquaintance in 1892. I have reason to say that he was but very young when he gave evidences of being one that feared the Lord. The late Mr. James Mackintosh, Poolewe, a nephew of that distinguished layman, Mr. Donald Duff, taught a Sabbath school
in Poolewe in his boyhood. This Sabbath school he attended, and I have had it on excellent authority that he acknowledged late in life that if ever God spake to him by His word, He began to speak to him when attending that Sabbath school.
As he grew to manhood, he appears to have grown in discernment and in appreciation of the truth. When he was a young man and in the prime of life, the Free Church congregation of Gairloch had the great privilege of being ministered to by the late Rev. Duncan Matheson, and in Gairloch Free Church our friend became, in those days, a frequent if not a constant hearer, so that, if his passing from death to life was not instrumentally due to Mr. Matheson’s ministry, it is certain that under that ministry his soul was long and often fed, and thus was he trained to an intelligent appreciation of gospel ordinances. The ministry of the late Rev. John Baillie was also much prized by Mr. Mackenzie. In Mr. Baillie’s days, however, John Mackenzie was elected to, and accepted, the office of elder in the congregation of Aultbea and Poolewe, the district of Gairloch within which Boor is situated. Of course that meant that his connection with Gairloch was, for a period, less close than in Mr. Matheson’s days. Even in those days John Mackenzie was an unflinching witness for the truth, and he was prepared to endure obloquy on this account. When, in 1893, the Free Presbyterian Church was formed as a distinct body, John Mackenzie was one of the earliest to come out. The present writer was then officiating in Gairloch, and it need scarcely be said that it proved a very great encouragement to him and to others to find that Ian ‘Bhoor, as he was familiarly called, joined himself to the remnant meeting in Leabaiddh na bà bhine, thus making the Gairloch congregation again his own as in the days of his youth.
My own experience was that he was exceedingly helpful, both as an office-bearer and as a member of the congregation. He was childlike in his simplicity, and having regard to nothing but the advancement of the Lord’s cause in the parish, he was most easy to get along with in the kirk-session. But he was distinguished for his appreciation of Gospel preaching. He was no stranger to temptations, and like Israel of old, was used to be “emptied from vessel to vessel.” This caused that he was kept low in his own estimation, and a crumb from the Master’s table would bring the tear to his generous face. But of these days I shall not speak here more at length, lest I should seem an egoist.
John Mackenzie was a man given to secret prayer, and often as a consequence, was the “dew” upon him, both in his own family and in the more public prayer meeting. How he witnessed for the sanctity of the Lord’s Day was well brought out in the notice referred to in our opening sentence. For some time before he died he was appointed as missionary, and had charge both in Laide and in Inverasdale, the latter place being not too far from his own home.
I have spoken of his having had the joy of “the early rain” past ere I saw him. He had also some precious showers of “the latter rain.” It was on the last occasion I was privileged to meet him that he told what, for some time before then, these words meant to him—”The law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus hath saved me from the law of sin and of death.” At first the words came to him with the aspect of a stern rebuke, and he felt his chastisement sorely. However, through grace, he was enabled to receive with meekness the engrafted word, and his experience was that, in virtue of this word, Christ came to dwell richly in his heart, in a manner more richly than He seemed to himself to have ever dwelt in him before. This had the precious effect that, although he endured not a little suffering in putting off the tabernacle of the body, his hope of eternal life was never stronger than in the evening of his days.
The Free Presbyterian congregations of Gairloch and Aultbea mourn for him. The deepest sympathy is also felt for his worthy and now aged helpmeet, and for his sorrowing son and daughter.
J. R. M.
The late Mrs. Mackenzie,
CARNACH, STRATHERRICK.
WHEN I think of the time that has elapsed since the decease of this worthy woman I feel almost ashamed to take her name up in this way. There were just two main factors that caused the delay. On the one hand, on account of my regard for Mrs. Mackenzie as a mother in Israel, I had wished to write something worthy of her. On the other hand, it so turned out that my materials that would help towards framing a just tribute were fewer than I at one time hoped. The foregoing short notice of the late Mr. John Mackenzie seems, however, to present an opening to place something, however brief, on record regarding Mrs. Mackenzie, who was Mr. John Mackenzie’s near friend, not only in the Lord but also by the ties of nature.
Jessie Mackenzie, née Macdonald, was born at Gairloch nearly ninety years ago. She would have been, I suppose, a girl in her teens when the Rev. Duncan Matheson came to Gairloch, and although I am unable to give any account of the beginnings of Mrs. Mackenzie’s seriousness, it is more than likely that we may associate it with Mr. Matheson’s ministry. A layman, a native of the parish of Gairloch, whose teaching also seems to have influenced her deeply, was the late Angus Munro, of Cove, Inverasdale, and from him she was fond of giving some pregnant notes. “You ask a mark of grace,” Angus would say. “I say it is a feeling of unholiness and a desire after holiness.”
When comparatively young in life she married Mr. Murdo
Mackenzie, a native of Little Lochbroom, and a highly-respected man. Not long after their marriage they removed from Gairloch to Allanbank of Allangrange, where they remained for twelve years. This was the great opportunity of Mrs. Mackenzie’s life to hear the late eminent Dr. John Kennedy of Dingwall, for, like quite a few people in the Black Isle, who thirsted after “the water of life,” Mrs. Mackenzie found frequent opportunities in those days of making her way to Dingwall, as well as, of course, hearing Dr. Kennedy at Communion seasons in the surrounding congregations. For Dr. Kennedy she had the profoundest veneration, and it is not too much to say that there were but comparatively few of his hearers that appreciated his teaching more.
After twelve years spent in the Black Isle, an opening occurred in Carnach, Stratherrick, of which they availed themselves, and here both her husband (who predeceased her by nearly twenty years) and she herself finished their course in this world. When Mr. Donald Duff lived and taught in Stratherrick, Mrs. Mackenzie, who could appreciate teaching of a searching kind, was always his warm friend and supporter.
By the year 1893 Mrs. Mackenzie had become recognised by the Lord’s people in Stratherrick and surrounding districts as a woman at once of deep piety and great prudence, and the fact of her, from the first, joining herself to the Free Presbyterians of that strath, proved a great moral support to those who, with a feeling of weak hands, sought to maintain there what they regarded as the cause of the Lord and of truth. Even to the end of her days, which occurred on the 12th of January, 1912, her presence, or latterly her prayers and counsel were a source of great strength to the Free Presbyterian ministers and lay preachers who, in providence, had a call to serve in Stratherrick. She was a gracious person that suffered great conflict of soul. Once, after passing through a fiery trial, she spoke to a very dear friend, who is still spared us, of the extraordinary comfort it gave her, that once more she could say that she loved the Lord. To her, indeed, belonged the character given of “the hungry soul,” to whom every “bitter thing is sweet.” She told us once of a friend of hers who was maligned in the newspapers on some account, and, although she resented the correspondence referred to, yet did she praise the Lord for it, and that on this account. The maligned friend she looked upon as one of the Lord’s people. The attack made on him drew out her love to him, and she took this as a token that she was herself one of the Lord’s people. Mrs. Mackenzie’s memory is fragrant in Stratherrick as a deeply-exercised, truly pious, wise, and affectionate mother in Israel.
She had the comfort of being attended upon to the last by a truly affectionate son and daughter. To them and to the other members of this worthy family, our sympathy still goes out.
J. R. M.