Edited from the Original MSS., with Illustrative Notes,
BY THE LATE REV. WM. TAYLOR, M.A., STIRLING.
(Continued from page 285.)
Inverg., 15th Dec., 1735.
—My dear but offended Lord has not yet so sensibly returned as he departed; but graciously encourages my hope, and disposes and inclines my soul to wait for Him in the use of means. He helps me in some measure to cry and breathe for the north and south winds of the Spirit to remove the fatal indisposition I laboured under last night, to revive decayed love, to restore that ancient friendship and fellowship—that holy intercourse and familiarity with God and Christ, which was once my crown, my joy, and glory; and, in a word, to cause the spices of my garden so to flow and flourish as I might with holy confidence, humble boldness, and joy invite my Beloved to His garden to eat His pleasant fruits.
Inverg., 29th Dec., 1735.
—T’other day, being in some measure concerned and humbled on account of vain thoughts and carnal views in the immediate acts of worship, it pleased the Lord next morning to afford some spirituality and enlargement, which I foolishly and vainly leaned to and trusted in, as if it were sufficient of itself to bear me up in future exercises and emergents. I secretly imagined that my mountain stood strong and secure, and that I should never be moved. But the Lord sadly convinced me of my weakness and folly by a sensible desertion in the very next exercise. Upon my retiring I was surprised and grieved at this sudden turn, and cast up my Bible with a view to inquire and know the cause of it; when lo! mine eyes fixed upon that passage, Prov. xxx. 21, 22, “For three things the earth is disquieted, and for four which it cannot bear; for a servant when he reigneth, and a fool when he is filled with meat.” Oh! vain, proud, self-sufficient soul, learn humility at length on your own cost; learn to trust always on the grace that’s in Christ, and to glory in your infirmities, that His power may rest on you and be glorified in you. O this is a difficult and hard lesson! Lord, enlighten by Thy Spirit, that I may creep in the dust and walk softly all the days of my life.
Inverg., 9th Jan., 1736.
—I had several little ups and downs since my last observation, which I did not record partly by reason of laziness and partly because of hurry. I hope the Lord has in some measure been teaching me the elements of the life of faith all this while. I was somewhat helped (I record it as a monument of the Lord’s goodness) to trust and rejoice in what Christ did and possessed for His people amidst my felt poverty and spiritual straits. Particularly I found this exercise, this afternoon, attended with more than ordinary freedom and pleasure, arising from a firm persuasion that this was one peculiar way of glorifying God and Christ and exalting free grace, while I acquiesced in the Lord’s dealing thus with me, and desired nothing more than to be kept in a spiritual, calm, even, uniform frame and temper, wherein I was generally greatly deficient. I thought a powerful unction and effusion of the Holy Spirit might have a mighty influence this way, even to transform and spiritualise my carnal mind, and to make me night and day cry out, “None but Jesus: whom have I in heaven but Thee, and there is none on earth I desire besides Thee?” which, therefore, I with submission prayed for; and glory to His name, He suddenly put this new song into my mouth—(though I could not raise it with such a strong and lively assent as I could wish)—Lord, keep humble and thankful, that I may come afresh with the empty pitchers of faith to the inexhaustible fountain that is in Christ, without dependence on what I have already received, the folly whereof I have often experienced to my cost. O to be preserved continually by the mighty power of God through faith to salvation!