Some of our readers will remember Luther’s three requisites for a shepherd of souls, “meditation, temptation, and prayer.” We have seen how the years of awakening under James Calder’s ministry were preceded and accompanied on his part by much meditation and prayer (along with humiliation and thanksgiving), and we have read his testimony to the benefit that had flowed from the special days which he set apart for those purposes. In 1768 he reached a new stage of his ministry; and there came special temptations, to prepare him for perhaps more difficult, if not higher, parts of his pastoral work.
“January 11th, 1768.—Saturday, Sabbath-day, and this day, my soul has been (except the time I was lecturing and preaching in the house of God) involved in darkness, distress, and awful desertion, which was most sensibly felt at the midnight hours, when mine eyes were kept waking and my soul meditated terror. On Sabbath night especially I had a clear, distinct, and most humbling and alarming view of the atheism and wiliness of my heart and nature—of the pride and vanity and formality which mingled with my duties and sacred administrations. The sight filled me for a moment with trembling and horror, and ‘unless the Lord had been my help, almost my soul had dwelt in silence; when I said, My foot slippeth, my soul sinketh, thy mercy, O Lord, held me up.’ I was held up a little, yea sustained, by these words: ‘Look unto me and be ye saved, all the ends of the earth;’ and these other comfortable words, ‘The Son of man came to seek and to save that which is lost;’ and many other passages and promises of the Word of God came to view in this sore emergence, which removed a great deal of that terror and slavish fear that had seized on my soul. Nevertheless a perfect cure was not yet effected; my sore still ran in the night. I remembered the happy time when I had my songs in the night; but now I thought the Comforter was at a distance, and my silent harp hung on the mournful willows. But blessed be His name, though weeping endureth for a night, on the morn joy ariseth! The clouds began to scatter in the morning by some comfortable beams of the Sun of Righteousness that darted in from His blessed Word on my benighted, disconsolate soul; and at family worship in the morning I had uncommon liberty and enlargement.
At night my discouragements recurred—the clouds began to gather again; but in time of the evening sacrifice they were happily dispelled.
“Two things I observed as to this dispensation: one is, that at this precise time, when I was in greater distress of soul than I had experienced for twenty years past, providence (and a noted providence it was) put into my hand the Memoirs of the great and venerable Mr. Th——s Sh——d,* in which I found exercises and distresses of soul very much resembling my own, for which He blessed God as an infinite mercy to him; and glory to His name, I hope I can join my note of praise to his! I had infinite need of these humbling views of myself; and I think I see more need of Christ this day for my poor soul than I have seen for twenty years past; and I see enough in Christ—glorious, precious Christ, the adorable Redeemer—to justify, to sanctify, to save, to solace, and glorify a poor castaway like me, a mass of guilt and corruption like me, to the eternal praise and glory of free, free grace! May heaven and earth praise Him! Amen.
(To be continued.)