AFTER this it was my employment for several years to keep my father’s cattle. From the eighth year to the tenth year of my age, I was much delighted with my book, so that I was not only content with the reading of it, but so retained it on my mind, that when I had not time to read I might have it to meditate on. All the day-time I was still in the fields alone with my flock; but in the winter seasons, especially in the long nights, I was busy getting lessons from any that would teach me, and whenever I could read distinctly for myself, I carried my book always with me, and as I read there shined a light on my mind, so that I was filled with wonder at everything I read. From the tenth year to the sixteenth year of my life, it pleased God, in holy sovereign grace and mercy, to discover both my misery and the remedy more clearly, as also, when I read, I found a difference. For in the former two years, wherein I was filled with wonder, the Word was all alike to me, but now there were passages sent into my mind, with power, suitable to my case. I remember one day I went to prayer, as I was wont to do, and that word was brought into my mind: “The sacrifice of the wicked is an abomination to the Lord” (Prov. xv. 8). On which I fell a thinking and applied it to myself, and I saw, although my conscience could not charge me with a wicked life, yet I had a wicked nature, and by this I came to see that, although I had never committed actual sin, yet there was as much sin in my nature as would make my best duties hateful to God, and so I went to prayer again, with these words in my mouth, “Oh! that God would renew me after his own image, and give to me His Spirit, and enlighten my mind in the saving knowledge of Himself;” and that Scripture was brought to my mind, “Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord,” etc. (Hosea vi. 3); and that, “And they that seek me early, shall find me” (Proverbs viii. 17). After this I felt more light and power in reading the Word, and was taught to observe the inward frame of my heart.
At this time, the particular places of the Word of God I was most delighted with were the four evangelists. Oh, how pleasant
was it to me to read over the birth, life, and death of the blessed Redeemer! As also the book of Psalms, many of which I retained on my mind and sang them when I was alone. There was also the Song of Solomon and the prophecy of Isaiah; and it being my lot to live alone, and none to instruct me in what I read, and having no opportunity of hearing the Gospel preached because of my employment, so when I read those Scriptures, I fell a reasoning what this and the other expression meant, and therewith I went to God and pled with Him by prayer that He might open mine eyes, that I might see the wonders of His law. After this there shined a light into my soul, by which the Word was made as a lamp to my feet and a light to my paths, inasmuch that there was no action, either religious, moral, or natural, but this light discovered the law to be a rule to them. But this light did not always continue, and so I came to know it by its comings and its goings. I observed when it was absent my prayers were as so many dead words, and the Word itself as a dead letter; but when this light was present my prayers went well with me, for I could have prayed and read so as my natural spirits would have failed me before my furniture. Oh! how pleasant then was the Sabbath-day to me, wherein I would have joined with my neighbour shepherds in prayer and praising God, and some of them, whom God by His grace did call, had sweet remarks to put on those days as well as I.
There was one day when this light was absent I was going by a corn-field. I stood up by a stalk of corn, and it was higher than I, at which I fell a weeping when I considered how short a time it had been in the earth and yet had come so great a length, and I had made so little progress in my way to heaven. I remember another day, when this light was absent, I sat down to eat my bread, and as I asked a blessing, that, as it were, stared me in the face, that the creature was cursed to all them that were out of Christ; so I carried my bread about with me all day, and when I would have eaten the curse still stared me in the face. Another day I came to a well to drink, and I sat down to ask a blessing, in which there shined a light in my soul that made me see the curse removed by Christ, and mercies coming through the channel of the covenant of grace to believers. Oh, this made me drink of water more sweet than any wine! I remember another day, when I was keeping my sheep at the back of a dyke, in the loop of a snow-wreath, I sat down to pray, and there I met with that I could never tell the world of. But this I do remember, I would have been content to have gone from that place to eternity, never to have seen any relation again. Another day, when I was under the impressions of man’s misery by the fall, I saw a neighbour-shepherd going along whistling as he went, at which I fell a weeping, and said, “Oh, if you saw what a state you are in by nature, you would not be so merry;” so I fell a reasoning thus with myself: Yon person is cheerful in his way, and I cannot be
cheerful in mine. With this I went to God in prayer, and there I got up my heart, and could rejoice in my way as well as he did in his way.
Sometimes in meditation on spiritual mysteries I was carried so far above myself that I would have forgotten where I was and whither I was going, and yet Divine Providence would have so guided me and brought my flock together to my hand, although (being so taken up in meditation) that at that time I would have forgotten to look after them myself. I remember also, when I would have heard the birds singing, it would have stirred me up to praise my God. And sometimes I remarked in a cloudy day that the sun would have given a blink, and immediately the cloud would have covered it again: Oh, thought I, this did represent to me my condition in this world; and then I would have longed for the day when the Sun of righteousness should shine to all eternity on my soul, never to be covered with a cloud any more. This passed before the sixteenth year of my life. Here I shall make some reflections on this second period of my life:—
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As I observed in the first period my loss of not being sooner taught to read, so I find in this period the unexpressible advantage of having the Scriptures and reading them.
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I find the light I spoke of in the first period shining on my soul, making me to understand when I read.
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I find this light and the Scriptures joining together in my soul’s experience, and bringing forth the following effects:—(1) I was sent to God to seek a new nature and a restoration of His lost image, that consists in knowledge, righteousness and holiness, as the Shorter Catechism taught me. (2) I was taught and encouraged to ply duty; the duties I most plied were reading, meditation, prayer, and self-examination. (3) This light so shined on my soul as made natural darkness fly before it, and enlightened my understanding so as it made me to take up things divine; and thus the faculties of my soul were taken up in reflection and meditation, and were set agoing, and this afforded matter of prayer and praise. (4) I was sometimes stript of this light and power in all those duties; but oh, how tenderly did a sovereign and gracious God deal with me! He did not long withhold His influences; He knew my weakness; I could not long have borne His absence, considering my being young in years, and also in a lonely life, for from five or six years old till I was thirteen I was still in the open field, except in the dead of night. (5) I observe that when this light and power was withdrawn I was either taught new lessons, or former lessons more clearly when the same light and power returned. From all this I conclude that this hath been the light and power of the Spirit of God upon my soul, and take this to be the Lord’s work. This work was carried on by the Word and Spirit, in the performance of those duties mentioned before, which brought forth the following effects:—(1) I was convinced of sin, both original and actual, by sundry Scriptures sent home with
power upon my soul. (2) I was enlightened in the knowledge of the Saviour on the back of every conviction. (3) I found this light and power bring a transforming virtue along with it. (4) I apprehended a drawing power, a strengthening, determining act of power and light in my whole soul, that made me acquiesce in and rest upon Christ for salvation, as the fore-mentioned light with the Scriptures revealed Him unto me.
These are fundamental effects, but there were other effects following from these, such as:—(1) I found this new disposition of soul influencing my whole conversation, so that there was no action, religious, moral, or natural, but the Scriptures were applied with power to be my rule. (2) In spiritual duties my soul was frequently so swallowed up in the views of and meditation on those divine mysteries that I have been made to forget all other things. But yet, glory to God, my natural reason and outward senses were all kept whole and entire. (3) I see the sovereignty of the Lord’s teaching, who, by His Spirit shining on my soul and by the Scriptures, I was thereby in some degree taught all the lessons necessary for my salvation without the benefit of man’s teaching.
In this period of my life there were seven years of famine. It began about the seventh year of my age. In those years I was exposed to great extremity, both of cold and hunger. I would not have been so pinched with hunger (for my parents had, by the blessing of God in His providence, got a piece of land plenished, by which we had our bread), but there was a neighbour’s daughter that kept the sheep along with me whose parents were so extremely pinched by the famine that many a day she tasted no meal kind but what I gave her out of my scrimp allowance; and, when I was extremely hungry I did eat the grass, and by the blessing of God was refreshed with it. This lass and I had many a sweet time together in prayer and praises, and she retained a savoury set of religion all her days, and I hope is now away to the land of praises, to sing the song of Moses and the Lamb. And I am yet here in this wilderness, singing my mixed songs of mercy and judgment.
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Here I observe how far Providence may seemingly contradict the promise, and yet the promise be accomplished.
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I see what a trial it is to faith to reconcile sharp strokes from the hand of God, and yet to believe love in His heart.
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I see that it is the present supplies of necessary grace that will both support the soul under sharp strokes, and make it cleave to and love a smiting God.
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I observe that the Lord blessed those outward straits, such as cold and hunger, as means to mortify those members of a body of death that have much strength from the flesh.
There was an accidental providence I met with one day. As I was gathering my sheep out from amongst a herd of cattle, there fell a pushing ox on me, and I, having nothing to defend myself,
he fell a tearing me with his horns, and treading me with his feet ; in the extremity, Divine Providence so ordered it that the little dog that was with me bit at his heels till he left me, and so I escaped with my life. Oh, what was to be seen in this providence !
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I see the fruit of the first sin in it, that, because of man’s disobedience to the command of God, the beasts hath rebelled against man.
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I see judgment and mercy in it. Oh, what a wrath-like death this would have been to me, for all the time he was tearing me with his horns, I could not get a thought of eternity ! Yet—
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Oh, what mercy and love did shine in delivering me, and that by so small a means : so I desire to look back with admiration and thanksgiving on the Lord’s merciful care about me, both as to soul and body. All this time I told my case to none, nor got advice from any. The reason I was so long at this employment, my parents had no other use for me, and there was no service to be got by reason of the sore famine. So much for reflections on the second period of my life, viz., from the eighth till the sixteenth year of my age.
(To be continued.)
Brief Obituaries.
MRS. CAMERON, FORT-WILLIAM.
IT is with much regret that we notice this month the death of Mrs. Cameron, “Fernie Knowe,” Fort-William, which sad event took place on the 10th June. Mrs. Cameron, who was several years over the allotted span, was the widow of Mr. Ewen Cameron (at one time of Achnahamate, Spean Bridge), who often acted as precentor at Banavie Schoolhouse and Fort-William. Her own name was Jessie Boyd, and she had several relatives who predeceased her, who were eminent for piety. It would appear that she was brought to the saving knowledge of the truth when she was a young woman, and ever after her character and life were exemplary. Her husband and she identified themselves with the Free Presbyterians when they made the stand for truth in 1893, and continued in loyal attachment to this testimony to the end of life. Mrs. Cameron was looking forward with pleasure to the celebration of the Lord’s Supper at Fort-William, and was preparing for the reception of the ministers at her house, when she took her last illness. She became ill on the Wednesday evening, and died the following night. Her sudden removal was keenly felt by the members and adherents of our Church at Fort-William, and, indeed, by all who knew her there and elsewhere. A blank has been made which will not soon be filled. Mrs. Cameron was a woman who commanded the respect and esteem of all classes. She was a Christian of refined manner, and affectionate and sympathetic disposition, motherly and warm in her attitude to those with whom she came in contact. She valued much the sound and living gospel, and desired to hear the voice
of Christ speaking to her heart in its message. Such hearers of the Word are too few in our day. We feel the deepest sympathy for the various members of her attached family at home and abroad, not least for the daughter who was always with her at home. May the Lord sanctify the dispensation, and comfort them under the loss! The call is, “Be ye also ready; for in such an hour as ye think not the Son of man cometh.” J. S. S.
WE briefly notice this month, with much regret, the death of two respected missionaries of our Church—Mr. Alexander Maclellan of Rona, Raasay, and Mr. John Cameron of Tomatin, Inverness. Mr. Maclellan, who was about eighty years of age, was laid aside for a considerable time, but Mr. Cameron was active to the last. He attended the Communion services at Inverness on the last Sabbath of June, and was at Beauly Communion services on the following Thursday. He felt ill on the Friday morning, and proceeded to Inverness, where he stayed in the house of Mr. James Campbell, builder. He appeared to be much improved, but passed away suddenly on Saturday morning, the 3rd July. Both these missionaries were eminent for gifts and grace. Mr. John Cameron was widely known, and his unexpected decease will come as a shock to many friends. We express sincere sympathy with the surviving relatives, and fully expect that more extended notices will (D.V.) yet appear. “Help, Lord, because the godly man ceaseth, and the faithful fail from among the children of men” (Psalm xii. 1).