Written by herself some years before her death, and now taken from her original Copy with great care and diligence.
2
“Come and hear all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul.”—PSALM lxvi. 16.
“As we have heard, so have we seen in the city of the Lord of Hosts.”—PSALM xlvii. 8.
“Beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image, from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord.”—2 COR. iii. 18.
(Continued from page 219).
AT this occasion I was encouraged to go to the Lord’s table, and that word was brought to my mind with great sweetness, “My beloved is mine, and I am his,” as Cant. ii. 16, by which I was allowed sweet refreshing and intimate nearness, and in secret prayer I had more of this. On the Monday I heard a sermon on that word, “We are the circumcision, that worship God in the Spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus.”—(Phil. iii. 3). In this sermon the ground of the spiritual worshipper’s rejoicing was sufficiently laid down, and so, upon a reflection on what I had formerly met with in this place, and what I met with at this occasion, I may call the place El-bethel, for I remember that more than twenty years ago I communicated at this place, at which time I got a sensible visit, the effects of which continued with me half-a-year.
“But oh, how sovereign is the Lord in all His comings and goings to my soul. These short visits are like crumbs cast to the hunger-bitten stomach, that, instead of giving satisfaction, raises the pain of pinching hunger after more food. Oh, that my soul could receive every crumb with more thankfulness, seeing all the fulness of grace and glory is stored up in Christ as a covenanted head, and I am called to come to Him as He is exhibited in the promise, and so to wait on about His liberal hand as a needy dependent beggar, in the use of all appointed means, still remembering I am as a pilgrim while on this earth; and if He bear my charges and bring me home at length, what should I seek more?”
There was another communion I was present at where I heard some sermons that were both refreshing and strengthening to me, namely, a sermon on that text, “Which is Christ in you the hope of glory.”—(Col. i. 27.) In this sermon I got a view and confirmation of my interest in Christ that gave me a sure ground to hope for glory. I heard another sermon preached by the same minister on that text, “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted” (Matt. v. 4); which was also a confirming and comforting sermon to me.
After this I had some sweet times in secret, namely, two Sabbaths after other. Thus it pleased a gracious God in a dear Redeemer to allow me more than ordinary nearness to Himself. But what I met with in my being brought thus near I can neither word nor write, but it is such as my soul knows right well by His former approaches, with the unexpressible satisfaction I found in this nearness.
Oh, many weary complaints have I had those years bygone! That distance was like to wear out acquaintance; but by these visits I may say with Job, “I have heard of thee by the hearing of the ear: but now mine eyes have seen thee. Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”—(Job. xlii. 5, 6.) Oh! I cannot word the fondness of soul I was under to abide with the Lord, and the loathness to part with this nearness to Him.
There was one night about this time wherein I was allowed to come near, and He unveiled His glory a little, and what here I both felt and saw I forbear to mention; but it was brought to my mind that the man out of whom Christ cast out the devils, requested he might be with Him, but our Lord bade him go to his house, and tell how great things God had done for him. Yet I found my soul cleaving to the Lord, and in what I did enjoy, and saying, “Oh that ever Christ and I should part again;” and immediately that word came with power, “I will never leave thee nor forsake thee,” as in Heb. xiii. 5; and also that word, “My presence shall go with thee, and I will give thee rest.”—(Exod. xxxiii. 14). Oh! what unexpressible sweetness do I find in these short visits, and in every word of grace when spoken into my soul with power.
“But oh! what bitterness to think of being sent to the field of battle to fight with this body of sin and death, and with a tempting devil, and the difficulties of a present evil world, all of them in opposition to me, and I made to cry out, Oh, time, fly away! oh death, when will thou come, and dissolve this union between my soul and body, for till then I will never win away from sin.
“But oh! what reason have I to wait the appointed time till my change come, seeing it hath pleased a gracious God, in a dear Redeemer, yet once more to allow me matter for a song of Zion in this wilderness, and hath made this year a year of jubilee to me.
“When I look back on those six years bygone, wherein I was trysted with so great desertion, affliction, and temptation, oh, what singular appearances hath a gracious God made for me in displaying the divine perfections in my behalf! Oh, what displays of divine power bearing me up under the above-mentioned trials! And oh, how did mercy and goodness shine in giving me many sweet supplies and supports both as to soul and body! And oh, how did divine wisdom shine in timing my trials, and mixing in both mercies and judgments; and how did truth and faithfulness appear in accomplishing promises, and letting me see prayers written on the return of them! Oh! I think, though I had the tongue of an angel, I could not utter nor record the riches of His goodness to me; yet I think myself obliged, according to my weak measure, to record a little of so great and so undeserved goodness. Oh, that I had a right disposition and a well-tuned harp, that I might sing His praises for ever and ever. With this I conclude the forty-and-fifth year of my life.”
(To be Continued.)
The weightiest end of the cross of Christ that is laid upon you, lieth upon your strong Saviour. O blessed Second who suffereth with you! and glad may your soul be even to walk in the fiery furnace with One who like unto the Son of Man, who is also the Son of God. Courage! up your heart, when ye do tire. He will bear both you and your burden. Yet a little while and ye shall see the salvation of God.—Rutherford.
The promises of God in Christ are evidently meant by the gracious Giver of them for the daily comfort of His people; but if we never make use of God’s promises, never exercise faith upon them, never bring them before the throne for payment, nor make memoranda of them when they are paid, how shall we know their value, or God’s love and faithfulness in their accomplishment?—Hawker.