II.
(Continued from page 325.)
But it was not from isolated passages of the Sacred Book she was enabled to draw comfort, though there were some that were made more refreshing to her than others; yet, as is well known, her understanding of it, and her enjoyments therefrom were most remarkable. As one instance of many, I mention the following:—One day, for in all things I cannot give detailed dates, I read beside her the 25th chapter of Exodus. When reading of the ark, testimony, mercy-seat, and cherubins, she abruptly and with heavenly fervour exclaimed—”Oh, there He is, my sweet Lord.” I asked, “Where?” “In the ark,” said she, “with the Law—perfect love to God and man in His heart; and oh, the admiration of angels! On the mercy-seat, where in Him we can meet the Father in peace, and rejoice over judgment.” And, after a pause, with the hallowed smile that never left her in life or in death, she said, “I want words to express what I see and feel.” She endeavoured to strengthen herself upon her pillow to give expression to her wonder, love, and praise. How truly she imitated the wondering cherubins! I asked her when she lay down as to how or where she got such understanding of the said passage. She in a little replied, “Whoever takes the key—Christ—can understand the Bible.”
Her sensible enjoyments were uncommon; nor were they those of an hour or of a day, but, with the exception of one cloudy forenoon during the eighteen days she was confined, her’s was a continual feast, increasing more and more unto the perfect day. At times she would start from a fixed reverie, and, with the ever-angelic bearing, say, “Thy love overcomes me, my sweet Jesus! Thou hast loved me from all eternity; in time Thou hast called me, and now, while I am young, Thou takest me home from the sorrows of the wilderness to Thy full enjoyment and communion—all in love—love that overcomes me.”
On a certain evening, in the twilight, about a week before she died, she slept soundly and longer than usual. I was pacing backwards and forwards beside her, when feeling at last a little anxious, I asked her twice, in a soft voice, if she was awake, to which she made no reply. After a while I asked her again, when, gently opening her eyes, she said, in a low and lovely voice, “No; but I am afraid to speak.” Asking her the reason why, she said, “Oh, I felt my Beloved’s arms about me taking me home, and I was so joyful, and I feel still so happy that I am afraid to speak for fear of putting Him away.” She then quietly shut her eyes, and composed herself to enjoy her spiritual feast. How like the Spouse, when she charged even the daughters of Jerusalem, by the roes and by the hinds of the fields, that they stir not up, nor awake her love till He please. I turned away back for a while, endeavouring to magnify the Lord, gathering assuredly that this was none other than the gate of heaven. In my cogitation I considered, moreover, that if this was indeed a genuine enjoyment, the enemy would soon assault. Nor in this was I disappointed. I spent the night with her, as I always did, until five o’clock in the morning, when I retired to rest, but often not to sleep until nine. Until I left her she was in her usual elevated mood; but when I rose I found her, though not seemingly unhappy, yet depressed like in spirit. I did not take notice of it to herself until noon, when, on going into her room, I asked her as usual, “What cheer now?” “Indeed,” said she, “my cheer is not so good to-day.” “What is that owing to?” said I. “The enemy troubles me,” she said. “Does he make you doubt your interest in your Beloved?” I asked. “No,” said she, with a triumphant air, “he durst not do that, he knows I am made sure of that; but he tries to terrify me with the fear of death, telling me that it is an awful thing to die, and that the agonies of dissolution are terrible; and says to me, ‘Why might not the Lord take you home as He did others, without enduring the pangs of death?’ I know,” continued she, “that this is the enemy’s hour and work, and I try to resist.” On my asking her by what means, she said, “By considering that although some got home without tasting of death, nevertheless the whole of them, except two, passed through death’s gates; besides,” said she, “I cannot but reproach myself at being frightened to die, when I recollect how sweetly and happily my dear mother and sisters departed. Oh, what was it but falling gently into the arms of sleep!” In a while after this she said, “I know this does not affect my eternal salvation, but these cowardly suggestions make me very uncomfortable.” After praying together, I was led to ask her if the enemy told her who it is that has the keys of death. On which she immediately and with joy exclaimed, “Oh, I see it now! my own dear Jesus has the keys of death and hell, to give me an easy passage through the one, and to lock the cowardly enemy into the other. Alas!” said she, “that I should so forget my key. I now see, moreover, that He takes me home by a better way, the way He took Himself—the King’s highway, whereas that by which Enoch and Elias went was, in comparison, but a bye-way.”