(Continued from Vol. XXVIII., p. 283.)
In the beginning of the next year I went to the country for my health, where I had opportunity to converse with relations and acquaintances who lived remotely, from whom I received convictions, and might have learned many lessons, when I saw how far they excelled in spiritual experiences and subjective light over those that had much more objective light and outward advantages, in which I think there shines much of the sovereignty of God’s grace. In this place I had much sweetness in secret prayer and meditation.
I had here an opportunity of attending a communion occasion. On the Saturday I met with a friend that told me that they had met with a trial in providence that was very wrath-like, which damped me extremely, and was like to put me out of case for the present work, but I went to the Lord by prayer, and was helped to lay the case before Him, and He mercifully pitied me by sending His word to me with power suitable to my case, which had a composing virtue in it, and so I slept that night, which was a great mercy to my weary body, and the whole Sabbath after was a good day to me, for there was a light that shined on my soul in and by the word that I heard preached, and in time of communicating I found more than ordinary breathings of the Spirit on my soul.
After this there were two weeks I had much desertion in secret prayer. I had about this time an opportunity of another communion, and heard several sermons. Saturday and Sabbath I was sore deserted, till between the action and the evening sermon, where I fell a-weeping for fear of a long life. Unbelief took occasion from that word in Ps. xc. 3-4, “A thousand years were but as one day with God.” Upon this I began to think, What if He should continue to desert me, as justly He might. Oh, the fears of this were like to break me, yet in the evening there came a minister who preached on that text, “But we know that when He shall appear, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is”—(I. John iii. 2). This sermon was God’s send to me, for by it I found my faith strengthened, and was made to rejoice in the hope of His last appearance. Oh, I may say from my experience, better be on a sick-bed and in a burning fever with the Lord’s presence, than be at a communion table when He is absent.
There was an exercising providence that fell out about this time, namely, in the matter of calling Mr Ebenezer Erskine to be one of the ministers of Stirling. At the beginning of this weighty affair the Lord made me to believe that He would accomplish it, though there was great opposition made against it, even by them of whom better things would have been expected, for it might have been expected they would have been the encouragers and on-carriers of it, rather than the hinderers; yet it pleased the Lord, who is wise in counsel and infinite in power, and will not want instruments when He hath any work to do with them. And therefore this work was so carried on, and that in every step there was a divine hand to be seen; and as to the event of that remarkable providence, I can say from my experience that Mr Erskine was given as the answer of many prayers, and was God’s send to my soul, and, as I am well informed, he is so to many others.
This providence brought about the accomplishment of a promise the Lord made to me three-and-twenty years ago. In the meantime of its accomplishment I heard a minister preach on Ps. xxvii. 13—”I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” In this sermon he discoursed—
1. On the ground of the people of God, their fainting.
2. The nature of that faith that supported them.
(1) The sights of faith.
(2) The maxims of faith.
(3) The works of faith.
(4) The cordials of faith.
I can neither word nor write what was discovered to me by this sermon. Oh, memorable day! Oh, my soul, never forget it. This day was not only good to me in the public, but also in secret. Here I got more than an ordinary visit above what I am able to express; yet I shall record the following remarks:—
1. I remark, that as hope deferred maketh the heart sick, so the accomplishment of the desire is a tree of life.
2. I remark, that as here I got a renewed display of the faithfulness of God, so I see that the longer there is between His speaking the promise with power to the soul and the time of its accomplishment, the more the infinite perfections shine forth in the accomplishment.
3. I am persuaded that in the accomplishment of every particular promise to the soul, there is something of a begun heaven in it, especially when in the accomplishment the Lord draweth very near to the soul in a more than ordinary way. As to the effects of the Lord’s drawing near to my soul at that time—
1. I find that unbelief and the devil’s party have got a deadly stroke.
2. I find the Lord’s words of grace have brought a felt reviving.
3. As there is an answering of face to face in the glass, so I have found upon the Lord’s drawing near to my soul an assimilating virtue coming along with it, but this I cannot put in words.
4. It hath a tendency to darken and cast down all time’s things, and carries my soul out in an unwearied pursuit after communion with Christ through my whole life of grace here, and makes me long for a life of perfection in glory.
This Sabbath the ordinances have not been so refreshing to me; but glory to my tender-hearted and merciful High Priest, that knows I cannot bear His absence, He drew near to my soul, and filled and refreshed me, upon which I was made to make a renewed resignation of myself, both soul and body, to the Lord, and said, If He would not take me out of the world, He would serve Himself of me, while in the world, though it were no other way than in confession of sins, and supplications for the generation and for myself.