(Continued from p. 195.)
But some passages I shall record as they occur to my mind. The first two years were very pleasant for the most part, and that which made it so pleasant was grounded on the following reasons, namely—1. It pleased the Lord to give me both health of body and peace of mind; for during this time I had few clouds, and spirituality was my element. 2. I had much pleasure and freedom in secret prayer and meditation. 3. The Gospel was to me the daily food of my soul, for I had formerly known the receiving of the Spirit by the reading of faith, and by the prayer of faith; but till now I had never known so much of what it was to receive the Spirit by the hearing of faith. 4. There was a connection or an agreeableness between the sermons I heard and my present exercise. 5. These exercising providences brought forth some things, both in my own and the church’s case, that let me see my prayers written on the return of them. These things I remark in general, and as they were branched out in particular in my experiences, made my life sweet and comfortable.
Yet still the present case of the church was very exercising to me, so that I was led back to the remembrance of the forty-sixth and forty-seventh year of my life, as above recorded; and what I was then made me to seek and wrestle for, and impressed with as to the church’s case, is now in some measure accomplished, in what is fallen out in this church betwixt the years 1732 and 1736.
There was a passage in the forty-sixth year of my life as already hinted. On the fast-day in that year appointed by the Synod, I was pitied with more than an ordinary gale of the Spirit’s influences, which led me out in confession and supplications, unto which I was answered with that word, “That there was hope in Israel concerning this matter.” After this I was made to pray, hope for, and believe that there would be a reviving of a work of reformation in this church and land.
And in the forty-seventh year of my life I was impressed that something was to fall out in providence that would be instrumental in the Lord’s hand for bringing about something more than ordinary, both as to my own case in particular, and the case of the church in general.
In the middle of this year the Rev. Mr Ebenezer Erskine was transported and settled in the place where I lived, and he was made instrumental in both the above particulars.
I shall not repeat what is above remarked, but shall take notice to some events that have followed on this providence. There was one great event that much concerned the church, namely, a judicial testimony unto the cause and truths of Christ, and against the errors and defections of this church, emitted by the Associate Presbytery; unto which testimony a remnant of private Christians did adhere, and did accede unto the said presbytery. The like appearance had not been in this church for many years past. This appeared to me as the lifting up of a standard for bewildered souls, seeing many things contained in that testimony have been buried and much out of mind for some years past.
As to the proceedings of the judicatories against Mr Ebenezer Erskine and his brethren that joined in the same cause with him, I shall say nothing, a full and particular account being already abroad in the world. Yet here, as I have seen the Lord in His providence, by these instruments, bring forth His great event to the church; so, 1st, I see much of my former experiences cleared and confirmed by it, together with the return of many prayers. 2nd, There was a concern laid on my soul in every step the brethren went through, as if I had been a present actor with them. 3rd, What I was made to pray for and believe concerning them, I saw it made out in their proceedings. 4th, I am made to see an agreeableness betwixt this event and what I was impressed with, and made to pray for, in these two years formerly mentioned. 5th, I have experienced and yet find the power and presence of God accompanying both word and sacraments to the consolation of my soul as dispensed by them, and this is a confirming evidence to me that it is the Lord’s work they have in hand; and although at this day the clouds of calumny and reproach be covering them from both enemys and blinded friends, yet I am persuaded, by what the Lord hath shown me from His Word in the light of the Spirit, that this is the Lord’s work that is set on foot by those ministers, together with a wrestling remnant joining with them through the different corners of the land. Yea, I look upon this as a begun work of reformation, although we should go to Babylon before the Lord’s work be fully revived and our spiritual captivity returned.
From 1736 till 1741, I have been sore broken both with personal affliction, and also under the impressions of God’s judgments long threatened, and in a spiritual and even in a temporal sense much inflicted on the generation, so that I may say with the prophet Habakkuk, “When I heard, my belly trembled; my lips quivered at the voice: rottenness entered into my bones, and I trembled in myself,” etc.—(Hab. iii. 16). Oh, how awful are His righteous judgments.
But that which supported me under all these awful things was the faith of the covenant as standing fast with the glorious head Christ Jesus, and through him I believe it was fatherly anger to me; and I was helped to cry for mitigation of strokes, and mercy mixed in with our judgments, and so there was to the believing observer, although it be ground of lamentation that few at this day observe the operation of His hand either as to mercy or judgment.
Here her narrative ends. We believe she intended to continue it, but was prevented by affliction. Of her death-bed experience we know nothing, but it is of little consequence. It is not by our death we shall be judged at last, but by our life. Those who live well cannot die ill. They enter into the joy of their Lord, and are blessed for evermore.
Now, dear friend, having read the foregoing pages, what estimate do you form of your own religion? If hers is true religion, then very much that is called religion has nothing to justify its claim to that title. Are there not many who have a religion of forms? What will it avail them when they go where there are no forms? Beware of a lifeless, dull, cold, unspiritual religion. There must be a great change experienced at the very outset of our religious course, and constant renewing thenceforward. “Ye must be born again.” There must be a work of the Spirit of God, a deep, transforming, continued work, if you would be saved.
The prophet complains of his people, “There is none that calleth upon thy name, that stirreth up himself to take hold of thee: therefore thou hast hid thy face from us, and hast consumed us, because of our iniquities.” If we would have national, ecclesiastical, or spiritual prosperity, we must “call upon the name of the Lord, and stir up ourselves to take hold of Him.” Then “come, and let us return unto the Lord: for He hath torn, and He will heal us; He hath smitten, and He will bind us up. After two days will he revive us: in the third day He will raise us up, and we shall live in His sight. Then shall we know, if we follow on to know the Lord: His going forth is prepared as the morning; and He shall come unto us as the rain, as the latter and former rain unto the earth.”
—(Hos. vi. 1-3).