By A NAVYMAN.
(Continued from Page 334).
In this forlorn state I went on: Sometimes my heart as hard as flint; and full of fury of the devil. At intervals some humblings, that I could in some measure pour it out to the Lord for a moment; then I was shut up again, and as hard as a stone. Well, thought I, I shall go mourning all my days. But, one Sabbath morning as I was going to chapel, for I could not keep away though I was under great temptation to do it, I was meditating on my state. Thought I, is there nobody that can sympathise with me, is there none that can point out my case? When these words were applied with power to my soul—”I will give you pastors after my own heart, which shall feed you with knowledge and understanding,” I was persuaded in my own mind that it came from the Lord, and cried out, “Lord, where are they? I can find none that know
anything of my experience.” These words were fixed on my mind, and I used often to say, “Lord, where are they?” However, soon after I saw a man and his wife whom I had been acquainted with coming from your chapel in Titchfield Street: I would have shunned them, but they called me. They asked me how I got on. I answered, “Middling,” but I believe they saw by my countenance where I was, and asked me why I did not go to hear Mr. Huntington? I replied I did not know who to hear, nor where to go. They told me where you preached. I answered them lightly, but it was greatly impressed on my mind all the week, and when Sabbath morning came I set off and found the chapel.
I remember getting into one of the free seats, up in one corner, like a thief, that nobody might know me. I do not recollect the text you then preached from; but I heard attentively, which I had not done for some time before. I got away as soon as you had done, that I might not be seen by anyone that knew me, for I had heard very evil things said of you, which I soon found they could not prove. As I went home meditating on the discourse, I said, “This man seems to know something of what I feel; I will go and hear him again!” When I got home I said thus to my wife: I believe the Lord has directed me to a man that knows something of my distress, for he seemed to speak a little about it. She asked, “Where is it, and who is he?” I said his name is Huntington, and it is as far as Oxford Market, and I should go again in the evening. She was in a pet about it, and said, “You shall not drag me so far to hear I do not know who.” However, I was determined to go, and come I did, bringing her with me: and, blessed be the Lord, He never let us go back. He was pleased to give me a hearing ear, so that I perceived I was not harassed with those temptations under the word preached as I had been. I thought for some weeks that you preached to none but me, describing my state so that at last it all came out; the Lord blessed it to my soul, I was set at liberty again, peace was proclaimed, you were made manifest in my conscience, and I rejoiced again in the light of God’s countenance. I blessed the Lord, that He ever brought me under your ministry, I thanked Him night and day. I could then see you were the pastor the Lord promised to give me.
Now began persecution: but, bless the Lord, I have often admired His tender goodness in this thing. He would not suffer them to speak to me till He was pleased to speak to my soul again; and those of Mr. Wesley’s chapel not only persecuted me openly, but imagined lies in their heart, for they told me I left his chapel on purpose to live in sin. Mr. Wesley himself told me I was got into the Huntingtonian’s easy chair, but I should find a difference on a deathbed. I sent them word I would meet the church at any time to prove all they said was false; but they never sent for me,
so gave me up, watching for my fall but, blessed be the Lord, He has kept me by His mighty power to this day and has given me to see some of those that were counted pillars among them turn their back on Jesus; but I know it is by His grace I am kept to the present moment, as one of the vilest of poor sinners saved. This experience brought me to know God’s faithfulness to His chosen, for I proved Him so in that furnace.
Soon after this my love waxed cold, and I began to crave after this world’s goods. I thought: If I could get a little beforehand by honest industry, it was no more than right. I set to with a willing mind, as I thought, and not without prayer to God neither. I went in search for something: a chandler’s shop offered, and money to be lent me to set up. My mind was set upon it. I went to the Lord and prayed, if it was not His will, by no means to let me have it, and went to Him often, too; but, I must confess, though I prayed against it, if it was not His will yet, my heart was for it, and the Lord, who is searcher of all hearts, knew that I desired to have it, and He let me have it to my sorrow; for I strove hard, and meant well, but the Lord’s hand went out against me in all that I undertook, and I wondered at it, for I did not as yet see the snare; but experience brings us to a knowledge of these things; and I thank my dear Redeemer that ever He brought me in a way of experience in any wise to know the cunning of Satan, and the proneness of my own heart to stray from the best of friends. I went on here, hoping things would be better, but I lost my God, there was no communion, things got worse and worse. I was in debt and nothing to pay with; in that sense my prayers were shut out, no answer to my petitions, still all things going against me. Sometimes my wife and I would quarrel whose fault it was for coming there, for we were both in the mess. Then we fret one against the other. We would pray, but to no purpose. And here the Lord kept us till He made us sensibly sick of it as ever poor creatures were in this world. Then He was pleased to humble us in the dust, and showed us we had backslidden from Him through covetousness and the ensnarement of the riches of this world, for my heart was after it; but His tender love to us would not let us go. Though He kept me close at His dear footstool a good while, confessing and praying for deliverance before it came, and would say to my poor soul, “Hast thou not procured these things to thyself?” Yes, Lord, I would cry, I have, and beg Thy pardoning mercy only to forgive Thy poor worms, and deliver us out of this place; being ready to say I never would be entangled in this way again; but the Lord knows how weak we are, and I see He will let us know it too; for, I believe, in less than a twelvemonth I was entangled in the same way
again. But, after this deliverance, I went comfortably on for some time; the Lord blessed me under the word often, and many precious promises He was pleased to give me.
At this time there were three or four friends, as they were pleased to style themselves, came from the Mulberry Gardens chapel to spend the afternoon with me, to inquire into my profession and what doctrines I held since I heard Mr. Huntington. They seemed greatly to pity me and asked me a great many questions, which the Lord enabled me to answer in a measure. I insisted on the Spirit’s work, they upon free will. I told them of God’s everlasting love to His chosen, and being kept by His mighty power. Upon asking how I must go on in this way, they answered, “must walk in the footsteps of the Lord Jesus Christ as near as I could.” I told them a man for no longer than he is wrought upon by the Holy Ghost can he do aught that is well-pleasing, to God, for it is God must work in him the will and to do. This affronted my guests and they persecuted me sadly; and one of their confederates wherreted me continually till I hated her. She used to waylay me in the street as I came home at night from my work till at last I looked to see if she was coming and would have gone a mile out of the way rather than meet her. These words were brought to my mind, “The law worketh wrath.” Ah, Lord! I would cry, there is no love; we cannot unite; but the devil (who is never backward to distress the poor creature that desires to be brought on in God’s way) sets in, and would fain have represented these people to me as taught of God. Well, thought I, if they are right, I must be wrong. But, bless the Lord, I was enabled to tell Him all about it, and He soon set you to preach on it and gave me to see I was right and they were wrong. However, the Lord was pleased to speak very comfortably to my soul before He put me in the furnace, and there the Lord showed me what the law was.
One day at my work He was pleased to lead my mind out in meditation about it from what you preached the Sabbath before. The Lord broke in upon my soul and threw much light upon it. And the Lord said to me, “Such like pastors, such like people!” I thanked Him from my soul for opening the eyes of my understanding to see it so clearly: my soul was so full I was obliged to leave my work. I went into the backyard into my master’s coal-house and poured out my soul to the Lord in praises and thanksgiving for His gracious goodness; and, while I was praising Him, these words came with power, “Thou shalt be called Hephzibah, for the Lord delighteth in thee.” I thought I should have dropped down. I cried out, “Lord, what me! the unworthiest of all wretches!” But the Lord, the Spirit, turned my
mind in a moment to the Lord Jesus, Who had atoned for all my sins. Here I was interrupted by somebody coming that way, so I left that place and betook me to another, shut myself up and prayed the Lord to keep me, telling Him of my weakness and helplessness, when these words came with power: “May my right hand forget its cunning, and my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth, if ever I forget Thee.” Well, said I, here is my vow to the Lord, “May my right hand forget its cunning, and my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth, if ever I forget to praise Thy Holy name.” Which I asked the Lord a thousand pardons for, but it could not be recalled: for I knew it was Him alone that must work in me to will and to do; but I often think of my vow. Now, my wife had at this time got another shop and sold greens, and she seemed to go on prosperously, but I would have no hand in this, having had full enough of the other; so she had all the management of it herself, and was as barren in soul as she well could be.
Soon after this the Lord laid me on a sick-bed. I lost the use of all my limbs and, what was worse, I lost the best of friends, the Lord Jesus. I then murmured and fretted till my old rebellion began to show itself; for I can assuredly say this Scripture was fulfilled in me at that time: “With the perverse man I will show myself perverse.” I was in great bodily pain, and had medicines from several doctors, but all to no purpose, for I remained in this condition a month or five weeks: and then the Lord eased me of my pain, and I seemed to be somewhat better, with which my old Man was very well pleased; but, blessed be the Lord, He would not let me out that way, for I can see it now; but in He throws me again, makes it hotter than it was before; humbled my hard heart under it, and made me willing to submit. Then my dear Redeemer came again, indulged me with sweet manifestations of His everlasting love to me, making me willing to leave this sinful world; and, having thus humbled my flinty heart by His power, He healed my body and set me on my legs again. Oh! what pains the Lord takes with such sinful wretches as we are. The Lord after this sent us out from that shop of dependence, and then my wife was not to escape, for He threw her into the same way and kept her there until I had hardly a thing left in the house. The Lord’s hand seemed to go against me in all I took in hand. I prayed and cried to the Lord, and often had communion with Him, and many precious promises I received. I would watch His hand, expecting deliverance—but no answer. Yet I would catch at everything that came in the way. Well, thought I, this is the Lord, this is His way! But no, not yet, and I worked hard at my business, but all would not do. The Lord kept me here, and my wife ill, expecting every-time I came home not to find her alive, till I had hardly the necessaries of life. I thought this was hard trusting to God, but, bless Him for ever, He hath since that showed me what it is to
trust in Him, for all that I stand in need of. My Blessed Father was obliged to scourge me a great deal before He brought down my stubborn will to His, for temporal necessaries, nay, He would not so much as let me keep my benefit-club on, that I belonged to, before He called me by His Grace. I gave it up at last with much reluctance, but the Lord was determined I should have no dependence but on Him. And a blessed life this living upon the Lord is! It keeps our fear in exercise, so that I fear to offend Him that supplies all my wants. I can tell when He hears me, too, and I know when I offend, to my sorrow. I am not without my doubts, fears, and trials, in the way; for I carry about me a body of sin, which is the heaviest burden I have to carry, and, in reality, it is a heavy burden to all God’s children that are brought to hate sin.
I find it hard fighting against the world, sin, and Satan, when the Lord Jesus hides His face. I pass through much persecution from the world, for I labour among many enemies for my bread. I have many watching for my halting; many snares, traps and gins, the devil lays for me, but, out of them all the Lord hath delivered me, and I trust He will yet deliver. He hath made me quite sick of the world. I long to be with Him. There is nothing here that can satisfy my soul if the Lord Jesus is absent. You, as a pastor sent of God, are made a great blessing to my soul: for often, when I cannot pray for myself, I can for you, and shall come away somewhat satisfied that the Lord hath heard me, and may the Lord bless you and keep you, and lift up the light of His countenance upon you for His Own name’s sake, through Jesus Christ, and for His dear children’s sake, is the prayer of a poor sinful worm saved.
Your wellwisher and faithful son in the faith.
T. S.—
(Note:—Mr. Huntington’s answer to this account will be printed later.—Editor.)