(Continued from page 76.)
For a long time it had been my desire that I might have intercourse with the people of God, but as long as I remained a soldier this seemed impossible. And to leave the service would not do either, because I knew no trade and then I would surely fall to the beggar’s staff.
Light and darkness changed off in these ways, while it remained my earnest prayer that I might meet some of God’s people. I could not foresee how this desire would ever be fulfilled, but the Lord knew what to do and granted my desire.
It was early one morning during the month of November that we had to go on a march. I did not know what the purpose of the undertaking was, and was not anxious to know it either.
My outward calling was to obey the command of my superiors, and while in earlier days I had quarreled about every way we had to go, it was so different now. I was like a lamb that follows its mother, and every command was welcome to me for I believed that everything was under the dominion of Him Who had promised that He would be with me wherever I should go, and that He would accompany me. I found myself so safe under this protection that, although my companions quarreled and were rebellious, personally, I felt so fortunate on that cold, raw, and misty November morning as not one of them could understand.
There was a lot of commotion in the town of L. on that day, which was not so pleasant for many, as I later heard. The quiet citizens of that town could expect some guests: our regiment had to be quartered by the townspeople, and I knew by experience that, in general, people were not very desirous of having this sort of guests in their home. Yes, to my disgrace and shame, I must now say that during my former life I made myself guilty of terrible deeds, and the good which was shown to me by the people with whom I was quartered, I have shamefully rewarded with unthankfulness. Also in the town of L. I had been quartered more than once, and there also, both of the twin drummers, who resembled each other like two drops of water, were notorious and feared as great brutes. Nature had given my brother and I a speaking likeness, but grace had made me another man.
During the tiresome march I had to endure much inconvenience from my brother, who tried in every way to make me angry. All his efforts, however, were in vain. When he would scold, I was silent; and when he would continue teasing me, I would not answer, but endured it all with patience and meekness. It became plain to me that, because he could not accomplish his purpose, his anger was kindled more and more until he finally burst out in terrible curses towards me, saying, “Just wait! I’ll get you tonight!” He knew that we always had to be quartered at the same place.
After a very wearisome march, we entered the town of L. at four o’clock in the afternoon. Just as I had feared, I had to stay with my brother in the same house. But what happened? Scarcely had we received our ticket, when the sticks fell out of the hands of the drummer; my brother crumbled to the ground. A nervous attack overtook him, and biting, hitting, and kicking in all directions, he could hardly be subdued. Four strong men had a hard time keeping him under control.
The resultant command of my superior was in my favor, and the consequence was that I was permitted to take up my quarters alone. I stopped in front of a small, neat home. The number that was on my ticket was in accordance with the one appearing on the house. The door was soon opened by an elderly looking woman. When I was invited to enter, I soon noticed that my hostess was much perplexed and she asked me if the other drummer had to come yet too. I replied that she would have me alone this time. I also told her what had happened, although I omitted telling her what had taken place within me. The woman treated me in a very friendly manner and did all she could to make things pleasant and comfortable for me, which I continually acknowledged with thankfulness. When the food was ready for me and I shut my eyes and folded my hands, my mind was overwhelmed during prayer on account of the love and faithful care which the merciful Lord rendered to such a nothing as I was, and a few big tears trickled down my cheeks. The woman saw this, but could absolutely not guess what the reason was; she assumed that it was on account of what had overcome my brother.
After some time, she said that I was unfortunate, for she was having a meeting at her home that evening; she could have me during the day, but not at night, and I could go to my inn a little earlier.
I asked her what kind of a meeting it would be. It was to be a religious meeting, and at my request, she allowed me to stay and listen when the people would be gathered. My heart leaped with joy, but I only said to her, “I would rather sleep on boards in your home than on fluff in an inn.”
When I again returned to the house after the roll call, I found my host there too. He spoke friendly to me and asked if I was not the same drummer who had been quartered in the neighborhood some time ago with another soldier. I remembered that whole affair very well; it is too infamous to speak about. I replied that I had been one of those monsters. He then asked me if I was still such a monster. I told him that I was just as bad yet, but that I had been somewhat changed. We were interrupted in our conversation; some friends entered the home, and gradually the room was filled with people. I think there must have been twenty altogether. The one looked more shyly at me than the other, and I noticed that two young girls were present who were filled with fear. I could read the uneasiness upon their faces.
Before they began their religious exercises, our host told the friends that I had requested to be with them to listen to their conversation. No one answered, but I could see very clearly that I was not a welcome guest.
When the meeting commenced, they sang and prayed, and a chapter from the Bible was read. I was in my element and could hardly hold my peace; I was as full as a bottle ready to burst. When they had spoken for some time about the Kingdom of God, and it seemed that there was not much opening and liberty, an old respectable man turned to me and said: “Well, friend! Why is it that you wanted to be in our midst this evening? Do you, perhaps, have the desire to exchange your king?” To this I answered, “I will tell you that I never, never hope to change my king!”
It was as if a fright went through the ranks, a soldier would say, and one amongst them uttered a cry of horror.
“I must tell you,” I continued, “that the Lord has answered my prayer. For a long time already, I have begged the Lord, if it would please Him, to bring me amongst His people, and now I may say: ‘Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what He hath done for my soul.'”
I never saw the faces of people change so suddenly as they did then. I noticed that the surprise could be read upon the faces of them all, and that the fear of the girls changed into a charming attraction. At once the mouths were opened and they all testified that they had observed with fright the fact that I stayed in their midst. Instead of being amongst strangers, I was now with friends, yea, amongst my own people. And when I received boldness to tell what God had done, the gladness amongst each other was very great; never have I experienced so powerfully that the Lord was in our midst as at that occasion. It was an unforgettable evening for me and also a very surprising one. This I can say, that for me, and for the others also the evening passed away very rapidly. There was one present who wanted us to sing a hymn of Rev. Groenewegen. I did not know who Rev. Groenewegen was, but this I know, that his words were engraved into my soul and that I have never forgotten them. They are as follows:
“Sweet spiritual bands, that bind me
To that beloved people of God;
They certainly are my friends,
Their language is that of my heart.
They are the children of my Father
And the household is the same;
We are related to each other
More than bands of earthly love.”
The hour of parting had come, and we left one another as if we had known each other for years. “It may be that we will see each other no more here below, but then surely hereafter,” said one of them. It was known that we would march from that place the next morning. The Lord had, however, decreed it differently; He has all superiors and whole regiments in His hand to render one of His children a favor, and to that end they are made subservient.
I was very glad that I did not have to go to my inn. My host said, “You are an inmate of this house and we shall not send you to an inn. We shall manage to help each other.” And thus it happened. A soft bed was prepared on the floor for me, and I slept like a rose; yea, I slept, but my heart watched.
After I left the house the next morning for the roll call, (it was now Saturday), I understood that the King of kings had directed things so that we could not think of marching on that day. With this glad tiding I returned to my friends. The woman of the house then told me that, if she had not deceived herself, I would spend the Sabbath Day with them. The words were given in her heart: “You shall keep the Sabbath with him.” And although this could have reference to the eternal Sabbath, it was continually in her heart that I should remain in their midst during the forthcoming Sabbath.
In regard to my brother, high fevers seized him, and the attendants had a hard time to control him. In his deliriums he uttered the most terrible blasphemies against God and threatened me with death. It was to be feared that death would make an end of his life. This however, did not happen; his life was lengthened and after a long illness he recovered again.
The days of sweet rest, peace, and joy with the friends at L. were followed by severe uproar. I will not give you a description of the awful destructions caused by people rising against people in wartime, as I have witnessed more than once. Since I was privileged to lay the weapons at the feet of King Jesus, against Whom I had fought so fiercely, I was more fond of peace than of war; and under all the commotions and movements of the soldiers, whether it was in time of peace or war, I began to long more and more for restful and quiet surroundings. I especially longed to attend the preaching of the Word in God’s house and to associate with God’s people. But this, however, was not laid away for me yet. Many years yet passed before I could arrive at the desired rest and deliverance, for which I longed so. I thought in my foolishness that if I would be delivered of that life amongst soldiers, I would have a wonderful rest, and be delivered of my own sins.
I wish to tell of one particular event which took place during that fierce struggle, because it bears witness of peace, and not of war.
I found myself between dead and injured soldiers. Wonderfully I was protected by the grace of God, for the bullets whizzed right past me. I have thought so often that angels must have watched over me, and that a heavenly bodyguard compassed me, otherwise the bullets would have struck me.
Amongst all that were injured, I noticed one who laid on the battlefield with his hands folded and raised to heaven. This one especially drew my attention. I spoke kindly to him. The blood flowed out of a wound in his chest. Being young and strong, I lifted him and carried him to an adjacent underwood through which murmured a gently brook. I thought about Hagar, who was so near to a spring without knowing it. The cool water refreshed the injured soldier. I washed his wounds, which seemed to give him much relief. He opened his eyes, and looking at me so friendly, he said: “Behold, He comes! Yea, Amen!”
Everything thrilled within me for joy, hoping that he spoke of Jesus. I asked him of whom he spoke, upon which he replied: “Of my Savior, Who had drawn me out of darkness and translated me into His marvelous light, and to Whom I belong in life and in death.”
“Well,” said I, “my dear and beloved friend! then we are children of the same household; He has also bought me, yea me, with His precious blood.”
He lifted his head up, and tears of joy trickled down his cheeks. Then he said: “I did not think that the Lord would yet send me one of His children to close my eyes when I leave this sinful world . . .”
Although with interruptions and stammerings—for I noticed that his end was near—he told me of sweet experiences and gave a lively testimony of the hope that was in him, leaning and resting only upon the merit and righteousness of his Surety and Savior. He had yet one request and charge which he consigned to me. In his knapsack was a New Testament, which I took out. He then told me that his name was written in it and also the name of her, who, next to the Lord Jesus, was his most beloved one upon earth. He asked me to visit her and give her that book, “out of which,” he said, “both of us have learned to know our dear Jesus. Tell her,” he continued, “that she must not weep over me; that she soon will follow me, and that I will expect her above in the heavenly Fatherland. And now,” he thus went on, while his voice grew weaker, “and now, my friend and brother! the Lord has sent you to me; we also shall see each other again. Now . . . now I lay my head at the breast of my beloved Savior, for see, He comes, yea . . . A . . . m . . . en!” And his soul escaped its earthly prison.
Motionless, I stood by his corpse, which I watered with warm tears, and it seemed as if my most intimate friend was taken away from me. And yet, I had only seen him for the first time, and then such ties already! Yes, I thought, this must be something of the communion of saints.
I had seen many dying people in my life, but I had never seen how a Christian dies. And though it was painful for me to miss him so soon, I rejoiced, however, in his blessed end.
I packed the little Bible carefully in my knapsack to keep it as a precious jewel until I should be able to place it in the hands of the rightful owner. I hoped that the Lord would spare and protect me, for the war was not yet over. Then I covered the corpse with the greatcoat, after I had cast a last glance upon the mortal remains. Filled with heavenly thoughts I then went my way, till I had sought and found my regiment.
When I rejoined my regiment it was evident how many of my fellow soldiers had found death upon the battlefield, whose lot had been decided for an everlasting eternity. I was certain that many of them had died with a curse upon their lips. I trembled at the thought of what an awful lot their portion now was, while I realized vividly how just it would have been if I also would have sunk into everlasting perdition. And considering that the Lord showed mercy to me, the greatest of sinners, this melted by heart like wax, and I said to myself, “I will love Thee, O Lord, my strength!”
After a few months had passed, I was classified into another regiment, and to my great joy I found my brother again, who had also been spared. On the one hand, I would have desired that we would not be together any more, for I knew his fierceness and the hatred he felt towards the new life which God had wrought in me. It seemed, however, that he had changed somewhat; he was quiet and did not speak to me any more than was highly necessary, although I discovered that amongst his companions he was yet the same as he had ever been before. When I pointed out to him the goodness and long-suffering of God Who had spared both of us, while so many were cut off from this life, then he did not answer me; sometimes, however, with a smothered curse. I believed, therefore, that it was now a time that it was best for me to be silent.
After many turbulent and restless days and weeks, we were now in the barracks again. I found myself, however, in the midst of Sodom, my soul continually being tormented with the wickedness of men, while there was no one who understood me. And if the Lord had not upheld me, I certainly would have perished in my oppression.
On a certain morning I awoke, and these words entered my mind: “No weapon that is formed against thee shall prosper.” I sat up in bed, and thought that this might be a warning against an evil which my enemies had planned against me.
Shortly after this, everything in the barrack was in a great commotion and confusion. A watch had been stolen. Knapsacks, bunks, and everything was searched. Finally the missing object was found, and . . . imagine my consternation . . . it was in my bunk! My enemies shouted as loud as they could with joy, and my brother not the least. The scoldings that were hurled at my head were legion, and I, being conscious of my innocence, stood as a dumb person in the midst of my many enemies. Although I told them that I didn’t know anything about the stolen object, the watch that was found in my bunk testified against me, and in a very rough manner I was put in irons and brought to the prison.
There I laid for many days, miserable in body, but with a quiet conscience and with my Witness in heaven.
What happened without my cell, I did not know of course. When the tenth day had come my prison was opened; the fetters were taken off my hands and feet and I was told that I was free and that the guilty one had been found.
Afterwards I learned the following:—Three days after what had happened, a soldier was attacked with severe nerve-fevers. Being delirious from the high fevers, he spoke of such strange things that the nurses became attentive and reported it. He continually screamed: “The drummer is innocent! The drummer is innocent!” When he came back to his senses it seemed as though he was in severe agony, but would not answer one of the questions which they asked him.
On the eighth day the doctor spoke very sympathetically to him and said: “My boy! be honest with me; I believe that you have something or other on your conscience which disturbs you.” In the beginning the doctor could make him talk, but while he persevered to get something out of him in a gentle way, he suddenly burst out with these words: “The drummer is innocent!”
“I thought so,” said the doctor, who finally got him to tell how it all happened, which he then later reported to the officers.
My brother made himself master of the watch during the night, not to enrich himself therewith, but apparently to get rid of me, his troublesome companion. He knew very well that upon conviction of such a crime, a long imprisonment would follow.
The sick soldier, however, had spied him in his abominable work, and when my brother noticed this, he threatened him with death if he would tell on him.
My own brother had thus dug a pit for me, into which he soon fell himself, and the Lord confirmed His word that no weapon that was formed against me would prosper.
The enemies, who had so greatly rejoiced, were now made ashamed, and I was restored to my honor, even so, that the officers gave me the liberty to ask this or that favor of them. I did so, and my request was that my brother would be forgiven and not be punished for that crime. This, however, was asking too much; justice must have its course, which took place afterward. My brother was condemned to serve a twelve year term in jail as punishment.
After the sentence was pronounced I was allowed to visit my brother. I spoke kindly to him and told him that I forgave him completely; but he remained hardened, yea even so, that he threatened to get me when he would be released. I instructed him that he could not be sure he would ever get out of prison, because death could cut off his life before the end of his imprisonment had come, and that he would then have to appear before a holy and righteous God. It was, however, all in vain, and with sorrow I left his gloomy abode, considering how he was bound with the chains of Satan.
When I had heard the outcome, and the guilty one was led away to his prison, I reported to ask for a few days’ leave because I yet had to fulfill the charge which was laid upon me by a dying fellow soldier. My request was immediately granted, and was not only for a few days, but above my expectation they gave me a leave of three weeks, and in addition, I received a liberal traveling-penny from each of the officers.
As I was going to leave in the morning, a message came from the commander that he wanted to see me before I left.
I tried to guess what that could be, while the enemy whispered within me that the leave would be withdrawn; but another friendly voice said: “To him that ordereth his conversation aright will I show the salvation of God.”
I reported to the commander, and upon entering his room, he spoke very cordially to me. Again and again he testified that he was very sorry that they had put me innocently in fetters, but that he was very glad that my innocence had come to the light. I replied, “Yes, Commander! God has done that, Who also promised me that no instrument would prosper that was formed against me.” He then took a green purse, and opening it he gave me a nice edged Zeeuws rix-dollar, saying, “Now, my boy! much pleasure on your trip.” I thanked him for his kindness, courteously bid him farewell, and sped away.
Not long afterwards I found the right place and stood before the master of the house. I told him that I had to fulfill a weighty charge which was laid upon me by a dying man, for I judged that I was at the right place. I asked him if he had a daughter by the name of Mary, which he readily affirmed, adding, “My only child, the happiness of my old age and of my beloved wife, and whom I soon will have to lose, while it pleases the Lord to take this dear child away from us by death.”
This tiding struck me very deeply, which they could clearly observe, while it seemed to me that my further information was awaited with a strained expectation. I further asked him if his daughter was not in a close relation to Carl . . . , who was killed on the battlefield. He then cried out and said, “Do you know something about him?”
I now brought forth the New Testament and asked him if he had some knowledge of the little Bible, upon which he burst into tears and suddenly left the room. After a few moments he returned with his wife, and I had to tell them all about the meeting with the beloved one, to which they hearkened with a flood of tears. During our conversation, it was made clear to me that the old people possessed more than the world can give, and that their prospect was the eternal union of all those to whom they were bound in Christ Jesus.
I was told that it was the last desire of the sick daughter that she might hear something yet about her Carl before her death; that she also believed that her desire would be granted, which was now so wonderfully fulfilled.
It was decided to tell the sick one very carefully about the death of her beloved. We would go in the room together; I would keep myself at a distance so that she could not see me, and her father would then prepare her slowly.
We entered, but she slept, and we clearly heard her say in her dream, “Carl! Carl! Without parting any more!”
It took some time before she awoke. Then her father approached her bed, and I heard the following. To the question if she had rested a little, she said with a weak but understandable voice: “I have dreamed so pleasantly; I was with Carl in heaven, and we found such satisfaction in seeing Him, Who is fairer than the children of men. I cannot describe how glorious He was, and we said to each other, ‘Yea, He is altogether lovely! And what increased our salvation so much was the fact that we shall never part any more.'”
Her father asked her if she would not rather remain with them longer, to which she replied: “If this had been God’s will, yes; but His will is otherwise, dear father! I am going to die. I have nothing any more that draws me to the earth, while I am sure that I will go just a little while before you and mother into glory and that we will soon see one another again.”
“Have you no desire for anything any more?”
“I had yet one desire . . . you know that; I would have gladly heard something of Carl yet, but may the Lord do what is good in His sight. I am perfectly united with His will.”
“But it would be a joy to you if you heard something of him, would it not.”
“It certainly would.”
“And if I would tell you now, that I know something about him?”
“Father! Do you know something about him? Then tell me all you know!”
“Yes, dear child! I shall tell you, but I fear that it will shock you too much.”
“I can bear it all. O, do tell me!”
“I have spoken to the man who has closed the eyes of your Carl when he died.”
Then her father told her that I was in the room, and I approached her bed.
There she laid with a light flush upon her pale cheeks, and with a face upon which peace was expressed. What then followed I cannot express. It was a pathetic sight; and when she turned over the leaves of the little Testament with her thin hands, she said with a broken voice, “Thanks, dear Lord! Thou has fulfilled my last desire.” Then she held out both of her hands to me, and said, “And also to you, my beloved unknown friend! my thanks. May the Lord reward you for your deed.”
After this she sank backwards into the pillow, saying, “For Thy salvation I wait, O Lord!”
We thought that her last moments had come, but she again regained consciousness, and with a pleasant smile upon her face she said, “I am so fortunate.”
But I will be brief. When I was alone with the master of the house again, he told me his desire, that I should spend the days of my leave with them. I informed him that I had a strong desire to visit my friends again. They, however, had been good friends of theirs also. He said “had been,” because they had entered into the eternal rest about six weeks previous, eight days after each other—first the woman, and then the old Simon, who departed with these words: “I will behold Thy face in righteousness: I shall be satisfied, when I awake, with Thy likeness.”
This was a heavy blow for me; I was so tenderly bound to them, and that they had now been taken away from me . . . I could hardly bear this. My host tried as much as was possible to comfort me, and had much difficulty in persuading me to stay with them. Where would I have gone? I had no one, and was alone in this world; my father, I had never known; my mother had left me; the only relative I had was my most bitter enemy, and the surroundings in which I lived were like unto Sodom. Sorrow overpowered me, and I experienced then what I had never known; I felt such pity for myself that I wished that I had never been born. In addition to this, my arch-enemy did not stop at anything to make me more despondent with his instigations. If the Lord would not have supported me secretly, I would have perished in my oppression.
The love, however, which I enjoyed in this house, the tender attachment shown to me by the sick daughter, and besides that, the charming words spoken by the woman of the house were as so many means, in the hands of the Lord, that I could resign myself to the will of God. I was yet oppressed more or less, but was not hopeless.
I consequently spent the time of my leave amongst them, experiencing both ups and downs; occasionally feeling sorrowful, and then again cheerful, while the domestic circle began to have such attraction for me that, with regard to myself, I longed for it with my whole heart.
The sick daughter seemed to recover again somewhat, and although there was not the least hope for her perfect recovery, I have nevertheless seen her sit many a time in her armchair and heard many good words from her mouth which sparkled with love towards her Surety and Savior.
To all that is here below, there comes an end—also to my sweet stay at that place. With a broken heart I bid farewell to the sick one and her parents, and soon I stood all alone again. Very much cast down, I continued my way. I felt so forsaken, so lonesome, that I sent my lamentations up to God with these words: “Ah Lord! Just take my soul away!”
The sky was dark and clouded when I left the house; and it was just as dark in my soul. After I had sat down in sad and gloomy reflections for some hours, the sun in heaven broke through the clouds, and it also then seemed to clear up within, when these words were then spoken to me so sweetly and lovely: “Fear not! I am with thee.”
This was a sweet and strengthening provision for me on my journey, and I said: “Well, Lord! with Thee I will lack nothing, and if I have Thee I will have all that I need in life and in death!”
(To be continued)