By Rev. Christopher Munro
(Continued from Page 43)
27th April.—Felt more tranquil today than I have done for some time back, and was able to read and to think with some measure of delight in the truth. What would I not have given during the last two or three months to be able to do this! I read a portion of Turretine on the Trinity, but could scarcely follow all his distinctions. I cannot help thinking that some of his statements are rather too unguarded. It is a dreadful, and holy, and unspeakable mystery, which can never be comprehended by a finite creature. The only refuge I find, the only ground to believe, is the declaration of Scripture as to the fact, and every attempt, by reason, to make this mystery more patent to the understanding seems to be absurd. What is acknowledged by all to be completely beyond reason cannot be explained, neither can more light be shed on it than what the Word says regarding it. It is enough that there is but one God, and that the Three Persons, the Father, the Son, and the Spirit, are this one God; that the Father is distinct from the Son, and the Spirit from both, as persons or substances, but that the Father is God, the Son is God, and the Spirit is God, and not three Gods but one; that They are co-equal, co-eternal, and co-essential. Any attempt at explaining how They are Three, and at the same time One, only bewilders the mind, and, instead of giving it anything to grasp, launches it into an unfathomable abyss. Enable me to believe steadfastly the truth of the Word, resting assured, without any doubts regarding it, even though I cannot grasp it; give me to believe the whole truth, and furnish me with grace and gifts for the work in which I am engaged. Thou, who canst work by any means, however weak
and contemptible, canst, if it be Thy will, work by me, weak, dark, and unbelieving as I am. O fill me with Thy Spirit, as Thy servants of old were said to be filled.
28th April.—The calmness of mind felt yesterday continued today throughout. I experienced some freedom and melting of spirit in prayer, and felt some relish for the Word, as well as composure of mind in meditating thereon. Read again in Turretine on the Divinity and Sonship of Christ, and felt satisfied with the clearness of the Scripture evidence adduced for the proof of this. Oh, that I could at all times live under the conviction of the glorious truth, that Christ is the Father’s equal, and His Eternal Son! What meaning this single truth imparts to revelation! It is as the sun in the heavens, without it all is darkness and despair. Oh, that the light of the Sun of Righteousness would break in upon my darkness, as the Father’s Eternal Son, and as the Saviour of men, and my own Saviour!
Called on some families and spoke to them, in a general way, of the truth. I perceive that many of them are very cold to me; would that they were not cold to the Saviour! Give me the Spirit of Christ, who, though hated and despised, showed compassion and love. Oh, that I were endued with this Spirit! The Lord pity those who are apparently on the very threshold of eternity, and insensible to their danger and to their need of Christ.
Felt a little more liberty in the prayer-meeting. I felt as if I were soothed in spirit, and not so bound up as formerly. But oh! what is feeling? It is a very treacherous matter; let my hope be in the Saviour of sinners; let me make Thee the Foundation of all my hopes, and the Source of all my strength; and let me depend on Thy Word alone for giving efficacy to the Word, and for saving sinners, as well as for healing Thy people; let me not faint and be discouraged because I can do nothing. I need to be kept sensible of this at all times, because, when I have freedom and delight I am apt to be satisfied, though, perhaps, these are the occasions on which the truth has least effect. I feel as if something were calling on me to bless the Lord and to exalt His Holy Name; let my soul praise Thee for the foundation laid in Zion. Oh, when shall I be holy, as Thou art holy, and see Thee with unveiled face?
29th April.—Heard with much concern that one of the congregation is in a very desponding state of mind. From observations formerly made, I fear that the worst may happen. The Lord disappoint my fear, and cast His shield around him and take charge of him, and make this to work for his good. Do Thou, O good Shepherd, protect him, and if I am spared to meet him,
give me wisdom and direction as to what I should say. Let not the enemy obtain his will.
30th April.—This day, which I always set apart for preparation, is now gone, and little progress made. Read in the papers accounts of the Revival in America; and though I felt something like a strong desire and earnest longing for such a manifestation of Divine power, yet what sense of shame have I at feeling so little affected by the accounts of this evident manifestation of Divine power, which has already resulted in the conversion of many souls? What an enigma is the human heart and its feelings! How often have I thought that I could leap for joy to hear of sinners turned to the Lord! But everything proves how desperately wicked the heart is, and how deeply the poison has entered into the moral nature of man. How necessary to be born again, and to be constantly under the power of Divine grace. When shall I hear the voice of the Beloved, come leaping over the mountains, and skipping over the hills? When shall the mountains of my provocation be removed, and the opposition of my heart be overcome?
1st May (Saturday).—Realised some assistance in preparing for the Sabbath. Impressed with the necessity of knowing the mind of the Spirit, and of being guided by Him in my thoughts, words, and actions, and, above all, in my poor attempts to preach His love. Lord, take away my rebellious heart, and give me a new heart and a right spirit! I now feel weak and exhausted: strengthen me and enable me to lie down in Thy fear, and surround me with Thy favour as with a shield. If I awake, grant that I may be still with Thee, and keep me from vain thoughts. This morning I awoke with the words, “Fear not, be not discouraged, He will repent and return.” May this promise be fulfilled to me and to His Church, and to this portion of His vineyard. Come and make this place as a well-watered garden, where there shall be a seed to serve Thee.
2nd May (Sabbath).—Prayed alone, as usual, both before and after family worship, but had no liberty, and could not get my mind fixed. Felt unaffected in church, had no lack of expression, but my soul was not in a frame suited to the solemn position. Felt straitened while preaching both in the Gaelic and English languages. The congregation seemed uninterested. Am I the cause of this indifference? Felt depressed after returning home, as if bowed down by an apprehension of God’s displeasure with me and the people. Went to the Sabbath-school, and taught a class, and dismissed them with prayer, wherein I felt drawn out for the manifestation of Divine power, which might lead the young
to Christ. May the Lord hear the prayers of His own people for this end! Spent the evening in reading Turretine on the Sonship of the Second Person, and on the Personality and Divinity of the Holy Spirit. I always feel perplexed and overwhelmed when thinking or reading of this sublime mystery. How high above reason it is! It is, however, the doctrine of the Word, and my duty is to believe it on that testimony. Human reasoning on any conception of it, that I can grasp as a matter of intellectual exercise. Give me faith to believe it, O Lord, and to derive from it the instruction and comfort which it is fitted to convey. I commenced Turretine’s discussion on the Decrees of God, also, but trembled upon entering it, fearing to fall into the state of mind which I have sometimes felt when thinking of this deep mystery. The Lord enable me to derive benefit and instruction from the subject, and subdue my rebellious and sinful spirit. Give me submission of soul to Thy will in all Thou hast done in eternity and in time, and give me a frame of mind that will submit and lie prostrate before Thine inscrutable sovereignty and goodwill, as manifested in these decrees, and in the Covenant of Redemption.
3rd May.—Visited several families, dropping a few words now and then upon serious matters, but felt little heart. How ignorance and carelessness in the people damp me, when they should only stir me up to greater efforts! Lord, give me wisdom and grace to serve Thee aright! Felt some thirsting after God, and was enabled to pray for it with some earnestness. Shall I ever be satisfied, as He has promised to satisfy the hungry and thirsty soul? Show me Thy way, and make known to me the path of duty, and grant me strength to walk therein.
4th May.—Read some practical works, and was able to do so with some attention and delight. Was prevented from some of my usual reading by a friend coming in, who stayed with me all night. Would that I were enabled to conduct my intercourse with every individual in a way conducive to God’s glory and my own good, and the good of my fellow-creatures! Visited some of the people, and dropped a few words on the most important matters. On such occasions, I feel at times as if silenced and was unable to get a word to say. What need of being filled with the Holy Ghost, and of being led and guided by Him in all I do! Lord, deny me not this.
5th May.—Read very little; visited some people and read and prayed with a poor sick woman, on whom I called for the first time. Passed most of the day with the friend who visited me yesterday. I sometimes long for the company of a friend, but I need prudence to guide my intercourse with my fellow-creatures.
Took too little time to prepare for the weekly meeting, and so was not able to express myself with any clearness and precision. Got little to say that would be of any benefit. At family worship felt composed, my soul longing to come near and to take hold of the Lord. On such occasions I feel an indescribable and an unutterable longing, that I cannot express in words. Oh, that I always thirsted, and could not keep silent, and could not rest till a place was found for the God of Jacob! Salvation is from Him, and does not depend on any feelings of the creature. Teach me how to think aright, and let me not think that any frame of mind can be a condition of salvation. I fear the deceitfulness of my heart may lead me in a hidden way to regard my frames, not as the fruit of faith, but as the condition on which I am to look for grace. I would throw away all frames, and run to Christ as an undone sinner. I know this is the way, but how unwilling I am to be led into, and kept in, that state of feeling. Save me from delusions; save me from every error, every by-ends, and make me single-eyed.