by the late Rev. Dr Archibald Alexander, D.D.
When I address myself to Christian mothers, I do not mean to intimate that those who cannot with propriety be thus addressed stand in no need of admonition. Alas! that in a Christian country there should be mothers who have nothing of the spirit of Christ! Young persons often promise themselves that they will attend to religion after they are married and settled in the world. How preposterous is this! It ought rather to be their resolution not to think of entering into a state involving such weighty responsibilities, and the exercise of so many virtues, until they have become the possessors of true religion. Without piety how is it possible for any woman rightly to fulfil the duties of a wife, and especially of a mother? Some correct views on this subject probably led the legislators of one of the provinces of Holland, as I have read somewhere, to enact a law, that whenever any persons applied to be united in marriage, they should produce evidence that they were in the full communion of the church. But this was a dangerous misapplication of a sound principle. Just as in the case of civil rulers, it is exceedingly important that they who are appointed to rule over men should be truly pious; but it is a sad mistake in legislation, to make the profession of religion a qualification for office. But while I would not have a law requiring piety as a qualification for entering into the bond of matrimony, I would still insist upon it, that no woman destitute of religion is fit to become a wife and mother. Only think of it — an irreligious mother! If it were not so common, the very expression would excite emotions similar to those which we experience when we hear of an irreligious minister of the Gospel.
I address Christian mothers, because from them only can I expect a patient hearing. I address Christian mothers, because all mothers ought to be sincere Christians. Is there a person on earth, whose mind is so perverted by prejudice, as not to perceive a congruity between piety and this tender relation? It was formerly a current opinion, even among infidels, in Virginia, that religion was an ornament and safeguard to a woman. I knew one distinguished man who had renounced all belief in the Christian religion himself, who encouraged it in his wife, and furnished her with all the necessary means of attending church; and when one of his friends complained to him, that his wife was becoming religious, which gave him great concern, he told him that he was a fool, for that nothing was more suitable and desirable than that a wife should be pious. Even infidels are constrained, like the demons of old, to give their testimony in favour of Christ. Many irreligious men desire to obtain wives of genuine piety, and few intelligent men in our country would be pleased with a female infidel. Such a character was so rare in Virginia forty years ago, when infidelity abounded among the higher classes of men, that when a certain lady was pointed out as the advocate of deistical opinions, it created a revulsion of feeling in almost every mind.
Here I take pleasure in saying that in no class of society anywhere have I found examples of more pure and elevated piety than among the ladies of Virginia. And I have reason to believe that these examples have rather been increased than diminished since I left my native State. It may, in an important sense, be said that the Commonwealth has been preserved from utter destruction by the prudence, purity and piety of Virginian mothers. They have been the salt which has arrested the progress of moral corruption in the mass of society. Accordingly there is no country in the world, perhaps, where mothers are so much respected by their children, and have so great an influence over them. Ask almost any young Virginian where he will look for the brightest examples of moral excellence, and his thoughts will turn at once to the character of pious females, and perhaps to his own mother, if she happens to be pious. I recollect a young gentleman, who, although he had an uncommonly pious mother, broke over all the restraints of his education, and became a professed infidel and the advocate of licentiousness in its vilest forms, but a gracious God heard the unceasing prayers of his mother, and by means somewhat unusual he was converted from the error of his ways. In speaking of his former career — which he evidently did with shame and humility — he said, “I could get over all arguments in defence of religion but one, and that I never could obviate, which was the pious example and conversation of my mother. When I had fortified myself against the truth by the aid of Bolingbroke, Hume, and Voltaire, yet, whenever I thought of my mother, I had the secret conviction which nothing could remove, that there was a reality in religion.”
I could soon fill my paper with salutary precepts for mothers; but this is not exactly what is wanted. Knowledge as to maternal duty is widely diffused. The theory of education, as it falls under the direction of mothers, is perhaps sufficiently understood by most. What I aim at, is “to stir up their pure minds by way of remembrance”, or in other words, to arouse them to the consideration of the importance of the station which they occupy, and to persuade them to exert that influence which they possess. I have often heard pious females complain that they had little or nothing in their power, and they felt as if they were almost useless members of society. This is an egregious miscalculation. Their influence is silent and spreads imperceptibly, but it is real and effective. Piety is like light which cannot be hid. The more it seeks concealment, and retires from public notice, the more brightly it shines. Female influence only ceases, or operates unfavourably, when women depart from their own proper sphere; or when they endeavour to obtrude themselves upon the notice and admiration of the public. As we are shocked with infidelity in a female, so female ambition is odious. Let the devoted mother exert herself in her own proper sphere, which is in the retirement of the domestic circle, and in constant and devout attendance on the worship of God. Let her look well to the affairs of her household. Let her manifest her benignity and forbearance in the steady government of her children and servants. Let her set an example of order, neatness, industry, and hospitality, and she will have enough to do. Every hour, and almost every minute, will furnish opportunity for the exercise of some virtue; and that Eye which goes everywhere will graciously notice, and bring to light too, those acts which are cheerfully and conscientiously performed. A mother cannot be placed in a more interesting field of labour than in the midst of a large circle of children. Here is her appropriate sphere of action. Here she has work enough to occupy her heart and hands.
But some will be ready to think this is a narrow field in which to labour. They wish to act on a larger scale, and do something which will tell on the destinies of men — something more intimately connected with the conversion of the world. Some few women, by the possession of peculiar talents, and by being placed in peculiar circumstances, have been able to accomplish so much, that the world has been filled with their fame. Such was the brilliant course of Mrs Hannah More, who by her benevolent exertions, and by her writings, became the benefactress of the human race. And such is now the luminous orbit in which Mrs Fry moves. But it falls to the lot of very few of either sex to do good on what may be called a national scale. And if all should aim at such achievements, very little would be done. Much the larger part of the female sex must be contented to cultivate the small garden which providence has committed to them. But as the mothers in ancient Israel were solicitous to bear sons, in hope that they might enjoy the honour and unspeakable pleasure of giving birth to the promised Messiah, so mothers now may cherish the pleasing hope that of the first fruit of their womb, God will raise up men of renown, eminent ministers, devoted missionaries, distinguished philanthropists, wise statesmen, or even men of humble, exemplary piety in retired life. Hannah waited upon God for her Samuel; and no doubt before the child was born, she consecrated him to God from whom she received him; and when she embraced him in her arms, and nursed him at her breast, she continually darted up petitions for God’s blessing upon His own precious gift. And O! how richly was she rewarded! I have read or heard that someone asked an uncommonly devout woman how it happened that all her children became pious at an age so early. The good woman modestly disclaimed all merit or agency in the affair, but said she, “as many children as I have nursed, I never took one of them to my breast to afford it the necessary nourishment, but at the same time I lifted up my heart in prayer to God for His blessing on the dear little infant.” Would not this be a good rule for mothers universally to observe? Who can tell what the effect would be on the next generation?
The question is often asked, “By whom shall Jacob arise?” One answers one thing, and one another; but if I may be permitted to give a partial answer, though I believe a true one, I would say, by pious mothers. Yes, as a woman had the unspeakable blessing of being the mother of our Lord and Saviour, so woman, collectively, shall be the mother of the church. Then thousand Loises and Eunices will, at the same time, be training their little Timothys on the knee, and with sweet and persuasive speech, instilling into their opening minds the words of those “Holy Scriptures, which are able to make them wise unto salvation, through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” A genuine and thorough reformation must commence in the family, which is the foundation of all social institutions, civil and religious. Here is the root whence springs the whole tree with all its spreading and towering branches. And if true religion, to be general, must begin in the domestic circle, to whom will belong the chief agency and the most distinguished honour? Undoubtedly to pious mothers. Theirs must be the hands which plant the precious seed, theirs the prayers and tears which water the growing plant, theirs the kind, seasonable, and well-adapted instructions which distil into the tender, susceptible mind like the gentle rain on the tender grass, or the more imperceptible dew upon the thirsty plant. Those are not the most important lectures which are, with solemn pomp, delivered in the schools, but those which flow sweetly from the affectionate lips of mothers to their docile and interested group of little ones, gathered around their knees. No eloquence equals that of a sensible and pious mother, because no impressions made by human speech are so deep and indelible. These lessons, whether she knows it or not, she is engraving on fleshy tablets, from which the inscription can never wholly be obliterated. Impression after impression may be made on the same, but these have the advantage of being first and deepest; and when all the others are gone, these will be left. In visiting a family belonging to my charge in Philadelphia, I observed a very brisk but old woman bringing chips into the house in her apron. I asked the lady of the house who it was. “It is my mother,” said she, “but she no longer knows me.” Upon inquiry, I found that she had forgotten everything except what had occurred in her early life. And though she had left Switzerland when a girl of fourteen, and had not spoken the German language since that time, yet she now repeats her German prayers aloud every night.
It would be difficult to draw a definite line of distinction between a good mother and a good wife. The character of the latter must have an important bearing on that of the former. For a woman to perform her part well when united with a worthy and affectionate husband is comparatively easy; but when a pious woman of refined and susceptible feelings is connected with a man whose true character and temper have been destroyed by habits of intoxication — when she is treated with brutal tyranny, and even cruelty, to preserve equanimity, and to perform the duties of an obedient, respectful wife, requires the exercise of much self-denial. Such a situation is one peculiarly painful and trying to a pious mother, but it is one to which many excellent women, in our day, have been subjected. But the greater the trial, the more grace is wanted, and the brighter the character which is enabled with meekness and fortitude to bear up under such a burden. If such a calamity should come on a woman of refined feelings at once, it would be overwhelming; but she is gradually prepared for the worst, and learns to discipline her passions, so as to exhibit no temper unsuitable to her station and the tender relation of a wife. She avoids reproaches, and in her mouth there are no reproofs. Some change in her appearance, and occasional spells of bitter weeping, when alone, will not escape the jealous eye of a drunkard; and it is not improbable that such symptoms of deep distress as these will only serve to provoke his ire, and cause him to rage more furiously, when under the influence of his inebriating cups. And what can she say to her children as they become capable of observation? She never mentions the subject to them, if it can be avoided; and when necessary, with no remarks which would tend to lessen their respect for an unworthy parent. She conceals from his children the faults and ill-treatment of the father as much as possible. And to all other persons, however intimate their mutual friendship, her lips are sealed. This is the difficulty of patiently bearing this heavy burden, that it must be borne alone, in silence, without the usual relief derived from venting our sorrows into the bosom of a faithful, sympathizing friend.
I know of no condition in human life, free from guilt, which is more deplorable than that of a lady of education, piety, and sensibility, tied to a brutal husband who is seldom in his right mind; or who, though for a season he may refrain, yet has his paroxysms of the worst species of insanity to which our race is subject. This leads me to remark, that the very best view which a wife can take of such a case is to consider it a real madness, and to feel and act just as if it was the effect of some physical cause. However difficult the practice of duty may be in such circumstances, I have observed not a few examples of such consummate prudence, Christian fortitude, and meek forbearance, as excited my admiration. As gold is purified by the fire of the furnace, so it is probable that some women, under the pressure of such afflictions, rise to an eminence of piety, to which in other circumstances they never could have attained.
But I must not indulge myself in speaking in a strain too laudatory of Christian mothers. Some have great weaknesses, the effects of which upon the character and destinies of their children are very unhappy. I recollect to have once been acquainted with a Virginian planter of the best old stamp. He was rich, hospitable, kind-hearted, and better than all, truly pious. When he heard the Gospel, his whole soul seemed to be laid open to the impression of the truth; and so susceptible was he, that often while the man of God described the love of a Saviour, the large, and not unmanly tear would trickle down his cheek. He was a man without guile; and you always might know where to find him. But I was grieved and surprised to find that his sons were all profligates. By drinking and gambling and other vices, they soon ruined their reputation, wasted their estates, injured their health, and shortened their lives. In searching for the cause of this wide departure from the example of a good and affectionate father, I traced it to the injudicious indulgence of a fond mother. Not that she wished her sons to become dissipated; but when they did wrong, she carefully concealed their conduct from their father, connived at the vices, and afforded them facilities of gratifying their corrupt propensities by plentifully supplying them with money. And with such care were their vices concealed from the unsuspecting father, that the first knowledge which he obtained was when his sons’ ruin was completed, and their habits so fixed, that all regard to decorum was laid aside, and even the displeasure of a father could be braved.
Another class of mothers, happily not numerous, injure their children by a discipline too rigorous. They expect by external restraints and confinements to preserve them from temptation. The general principle is good, but may be pushed too far. A gradual exposure to such temptations as must be encountered in the world is safer than for a son to be suddenly subjected to the whole influence of the world at once. If children dislike the severity of the discipline under which they are placed, they will be ingenious in finding opportunities of evading a yoke which they do not like to bear. And when they get free from parental restraint, they will be apt to run to greater excess than others.
(to be continued)