The Experience of Saints
Let us go to some poor soul, that now walks comfortably under the light of God’s countenance, and say unto him, Did we not know you, some time since, to be full of sadness and great anxiety of spirit; yea, sorrowful almost to death, and bitter in soul? Answer. Yes, saith he, so it was indeed; my days were consumed with mourning, and my life with sorrow; and I walked in fear and bitterness of spirit all the day long.
Question. Why, what ailed you? what was the matter with you, seeing, as to outward things, you were in peace? Answer. The law of God had laid hold of me, and slain me; I found myself thereby a woeful sinner, yea overwhelmed with the guilt of sin. Every moment I expected tribulation and wrath from the hand of God: “My sore ran in the night, and ceased not, and my soul refused comfort.”
How is it, then, that you are thus delivered, that you are no more sad? Where have you found ease and peace? Have you been by any means delivered, or did your trouble wear off, and depart of its own accord? Answer. Alas! no; had I not met with an effectual remedy, I had sunk and everlastingly perished.
What course did you take? Answer. I went to Him, by Jesus Christ, against whom I had sinned, and have found Him better to me than I could expect, or ever should have believed, had not He overpowered my heart by His Spirit. Instead of wrath, which I feared, and that justly, because I had deserved it, He said to me in Christ, “Fury is not in me.” For a long time I could not believe it; I thought it impossible that there should be mercy and pardon for me, for such a one as I. But He still supported me, sometimes by one means, sometimes by another: until taking my soul near to Himself, He caused me to see the folly of my unbelieving heart, and the vileness of the hard thoughts I had of Him, and that indeed there is forgiveness with Him and plenteous redemption. This has taken away all my sorrows, and given me quietness, with rest and assurance.
But are you sure now that this is so? May you not possibly be deceived? Answer. I have not the least suspicion of any such matter; and if at any time, aught doth arise to that purpose, it is quickly overcome.
But how are you confirmed in this persuasion? Answer. That sense of it that I have in my heart, that sweetness and rest which I have experience of, that influence it hath upon my soul, that obligation I find laid upon me by it to all thankful obedience, that relief, support, and consolation, which it hath afforded me in trials and afflictions, in the mouth of the grave, and entrance of eternity, all answering what is declared concerning these things in the word, will not suffer me to be deceived. I could not indeed receive it, until God was pleased to speak it to me. But now, let Satan do his utmost, I shall never cease to bear this testimony, that there is mercy and forgiveness with Him. — from Dr Owen on Psalm 130.