He, as a faithful Shepherd, warned me of my danger when I began to turn aside, but I would not hear, neither did I wait for His counsels, and so wandered from the footsteps of His flock to the dark mountains of vanity, where I stumbled and fell grievously to the cutting and wounding of myself. He also suffered the evil angels to come upon me, who spoiled me of my whole treasure.
The Lord my Shepherd was, as it were, obliged to hunt me with the devil and guilt of sin. They overtook, got me down, and wallowed me in the mire to such a degree that no one could think I was a sheep belonging to Christ. And truly I thought they would end my days, but then I cried unto the Lord and said, “deliver my soul from the sword, my darling from the power of dogs.” And my Shepherd was not far off from me, for He heard me from the horns of the unicorns and restored my soul again; and if He had not restored my soul, I would have remained an eternal captive of sin and Satan.
O the discoveries which I had of the love of this Shepherd; how He laid down His life for the sheep, and by His care and watchfulness He sees the wolf coming before the sheep observe him themselves; whether they be sleeping or waking, His watchful eye is still upon them. “Behold He that keeps Israel slumbers not nor sleeps,” etc. And His sympathy towards His sheep is great. “In all their afflictions he is afflicted”. (Isaiah 63: 9). And also by His power and faithfulness none of His sheep were ever lost, but the son of perdition, that the Scriptures which cannot be broken might be fulfilled. None can pluck them out of His hand, for if any could, I had not this day been a believer in Christ. If it was possible that the seed of God’s grace could die or rot under the clod, I should not have had one grace in exercise in my soul this day. “Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin, for His seed remaineth in Him,” etc.
My Shepherd is wisdom itself. He leads His flock in the way of righteousness and in the midst of the paths of judgment. Therefore, when I saw that the whole perfections of the Godhead were in my Shepherd, I gave myself up wholly to Him to lead and feed me in His own pastures, also to be corrected and chastised when necessary, and to defend me from the roaring lion that sought always to devour my soul.
Next morning, although very weak in body, I went to the place where the Sacrament of the Lord’s Supper was to be dispensed, and had such a sense of God’s presence upon my spirit in this journey of eight miles that He was either instructing or comforting my soul every minute, which made it very agreeable.
In the evening after sermon was over, I retired into a secret place to give my soul a new vent, for I was full of matter. The Spirit within me constrained me. My meditation was fixed upon the following Scripture: “If a man love me, he will keep my commandments, and my Father will love him, and we will come into him and make our abode with him.” O astonishing grace! If the Son of God, the Amen and faithful witness had not said it, who would have believed it? But, indeed, He manifested Himself to me in that place and shed His love abundantly on me through Jesus Christ, and to that degree that my narrow soul was quite overcome and could hold no more. Then I said, let it this evening be published among all the heavenly host and resounded upon their golden harps, “That the free grace and love of God in Christ has got a complete conquest over my whole heart and soul, and that I am this day a willing captive of the cross of Christ in point of obedience and subscription, and that the same be registered in the book of conscience never to be reversed. No; not when grasping with the king of terrors that I was allowed to read my interest in Christ and in God’s everlasting love without any doubts after the most impartial enquiry respecting the soundness of my faith, and the effects it produced in my soul evidencing to my conscience that it was the faith of God’s elect.”
I came away from this pleasant spot having my soul brimful of the love of God, and therefore could think of nothing else but the love of God in sending the Son of His love to save sinners and me the chief. O! what would I have given to be among a company of experienced Christians to reveal my mind to them? The love of God was like to overwhelm my soul. I may well say with the prophet, “That this view of the Lord turneth not for man, nor waiteth for the sons of men.” Blessed be God, who caused my deaf ears to hear His voice and who quickened and enabled me to open to Him and blessed be His holy name to all eternity who of the fullness of His love has given me such a feast, the like of which I never got before. O! may I not now say that I am sealed with His Holy Spirit of promise? And is not this the earnest of the inheritance until the redemption of the purchased possession unto the praise of His glory? How happy am I, and what a change has come upon me! I can now say with the greatest assurance, “The Lord is my rock, my fortress, my God, and my strength, in whom I will trust,” etc. I then retired to my lodgings being “filled with joy unspeakable and full of glory,” etc.
Early on Sabbath morning I awoke and my sleep was sweet, finding my heart and affections in the same frame in which they were when I lay down, which was not usual. But this morning I awoke full of love to God and my affections set upon things above. My very soul resembled “a field which the Lord had blessed.” “My beloved spake unto me and said, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away, for lo! the winter is past, the rain is over and gone,” etc.
When I came to the church, there Christ manifested Himself to my soul in His dying love in a wonderful manner. O! the sumptuous table which was covered to me in the wilderness. Behold a feast of love, unparalleled love! God the Father being pleased to bruise His own eternal Son, the Son of His love, and gave Him body and blood to be food for thee, O my soul! Christ giving Himself with all the benefits of His life and death! yes, and His Holy Spirit over unto me in the feast.
Everything so crowded upon me and shone with such beauty that my soul was almost swallowed up,
The subject of the action sermon was from 1 Cor. x 4 “And they all drank of that spiritual rock that followed them, and that rock was Christ.” From which the Lord Jesus Christ was eminently held forth in His fulness and sufficiency. My soul drank abundantly of the water which came from the rock. Streams of salvation and consolation flowed in great plenty from Christ, and I got my soul sheltered in the clefts of this rock. I sat down under the shadow of this rock in a weary land and built my faith and hope eternally upon it, despising all other foundations, therefore I believe that the gates of hell shall not prevail against me.
My God is a rock and His way is perfect. His work of grace in my soul shall be perfected in due time as well as the work of creation. I saw that it was in the cleft of this rock and nowhere else that I could hear God proclaim His name. Jealous, just, and holy, who will by no means clear the guilty, as well as gracious and merciful.
I was made to suck honey and oil out of this rock. Oh! may I never be unmindful of God who hath thus formed me in Christ Jesus. I compared myself to the animal plant which is said to live upon a rock and defend itself by shrinking into the rock upon the least touch, and cannot be taken from it but with the utmost violence. This is my case indeed, for I live upon the rock, Christ, and defend myself in Him. He is a life-giving root unto me and without Him I can do nothing, and here lies my comfort that all the violence of sin and hell cannot pluck me from this Rock of Ages, and by virtue of my union to the Rock, I stand firm upon it. The Lord liveth, blessed be my Rock, and let the God of my salvation be exalted!
I came out of the church refreshed with the wine of wisdom and with the bread of God which came down from heaven, and the delicious honey-comb of God’s testimonies was a sweet morsel under my tongue. Christ conquered and I gathered the spoil: He sowed in tears, agony, and bloody sweat, and I reaped in joy and gladness. He was shamefully used, and I was honourably entertained. Since I found favour in His eyes, how honourable have I been? That saying is true indeed, “one soweth, and another reapeth.” Lord, hasten the day when Thou who sowest and I who reap, shall eternally rejoice together. Oh! was there ever such a contrivance of love and grace as the death of Jesus Christ the Son of God! Oh! my soul, where art thou? “I am” says my soul, “lost in the ocean of God’s love, which has neither bank nor bottom.”
“Worthy is the Lamb who was slain to receive power and riches,” etc. Hosannah to the Son of David! blessed is he that cometh in the name of the Lord!
I retired now to a secret place to return thanks and to praise God because He shewed me so much of His marvellous loving-kindness in a strange city, and I found my heart flowing out in acts of humble submission to the Lord in all His ways of dealing with me. I saw that the Lord carried on the designs of His grace in the elect by dark dispensations of providence, so that that which in itself seemed to obstruct the designs appeared in the end to be the only means of effecting them, and I had at this time some such providences in view which were gloomy in themselves at the time they took place, which was about the time I was twelve years of age; but at this very day they were so cleared up to me by another providence that it wafted my soul to heaven.
Oh! the love, grace and wisdom of God which now appeared in crossing and disappointing me in former days, and I then said “this shall be the happy upshot of all that God doth with me in time; and though I cannot expect to read the real designs of all my crosses in this world. I will read them in eternity.”
Here I viewed God as the great husbandman who prepared the soil and soweth the seed of His word in the heart, and also that He is the sole disposer of the weather which brings the seeds to ripeness, and since the harvest redounds wholly to His own praise and glory, I am made to believe that He will send such weather as His infinite wisdom shall see fit to produce a plentiful harvest of the fruits of righteousness in my soul.
I compared the grace of the Spirit to different grains of seed, and observed that that which would utterly destroy one grain was absolutely necessary for another. I compared faith to the grain of wheat that outstands all the winter storms of frost and snow and which is made better thereby, while other grains not of so hardy a nature would certainly die by the same storms. Therefore I am resolved to submit to whatever weather the Lord may send in my lot here below.
Then I lifted up my heart with my hands to God in the heavens, and said, “O glorious and almighty God! who of Thy free love sent Thine eternal Son, Christ Jesus, to reveal Thy name to ignorant mortals, and who hast revealed Thy name unto me under the notion of a husbandman, who, by His Holy Spirit, prepares the souls of His chosen to receive the seeds of His grace and fits them for Thy presence.”
I therefore, with all my heart and soul, submit to Thy Spirit’s working in me the good pleasure of Thy goodness and the work of faith with power. O Thou eternal Spirit of Truth. God equal with the Father and the Son, who, by Thy almighty power, quarried me out of a natural state; and it is Thou who carvest and framest every stone and pillar of state which is to be in the building of grace which the Godhead is to inhabit.
O Lord, I confess to my shame that I have been too long directing Thee how to work upon my soul. I here this day submit unto Thee to work upon me as Thou pleasest. I yield myself unto Thee, Lord, to form me as seemeth Thee good, and use what instruments Thou pleasest to accomplish Thy work. I am sure Thou wilt do Thy work and not overdo it. O Lord, I see much dimness in my reason, such darkness in my understanding, such perverseness in my will, that I am as glad to be from under their conduct and government as if they were so many poisonous serpents or furious lions! O Lord, take the conduct of my path and the government of my lot, for I have not one reluctant thought in renouncing myself and accepting Thee, O Spirit of God, for my guide and comforter to the other world.
I believe it is not for me to know the reasons which Thou hast reserved in Thine own hand, therefore send snow in summer or rain in harvest; give bread of adversity or water of affliction; take away one of my comforts to-day and another to-morrow; do Thy whole pleasure with me and mine, and by Thy grace I will say, “good is the will of the Lord.”
Now, Father, Son and Spirit, three Persons in one God, I take heaven and earth to witness that I am no more my own, but Thine to work upon, Thine to work by, Thine to work for. I do not, Lord, intend to lay aside my rational faculties as useless, neither dost Thou command it; no, Lord, I will use them with the utmost prudence and diligence of which I am capable, only do thou superintend them all. Cross my will, turn my wisdom to foolishness, my strength to weakness, when I lean to them and not to Thee, and let all Thy counsels stand fast and let mine fall.
Now, Lord, let this my renunciation be registered in heaven, and I am resolved never to reverse it while on earth; that I, and all that I possess, or may hereafter possess, be at the disposal of God.
O Lord, do not punish me by giving me my own will, for I reckon it the greatest punishment out of hell to be at the disposal of my own passions. I doubt not, if I live any time, but fleshly ease, my honour, or some carnal consideration would willingly retract the renunciation. Yea, perhaps, these delicate pleasures and darling passions which are interwoven with my very constitution will be compelling me to pray back the renunciation. And if I, through fear or pain, should yield unto them, O Lord, hear me not. O shut out my prayer in that respect. Reject my cries and tears when contrary to Thy will and my own interest. O Lord, if Thou lovest me as Thy child, spare not Thy rod; go through with Thy work in me and spare not the flesh for its crying.
This is the prayer of faith hear it, and reject the prayer of sense, carnal reason, and present ease, O Lord, use the means which will effect Thy work. Hear my heart, my soul, and my faith; but O reject my other passions, though they cry mightily unto Thee. I do this day enter a protest in the hand of my Advocate in heaven, at God’s right hand, that they be not heard; and I promise in the sight of God and the holy angels; and take my conscience and all about me as witnesses, that where I shall observe Thy will to be, that I shall not fight nor pray against it, but submit. Save me from myself, for I am my greatest enemy.
I bless Thee, O my God in Christ, who had enabled me to renounce myself so freely in Thy sight and for giving me such a soul-submission to Thy yoke.
Now, Lord, let the dedication of myself to Thee, and my accepting of Thee, as my God in Christ, and my being the subject of Thy spiritual work, be like the day that is past, and cannot be recalled again. Let it be ratified in heaven, and I will sign it upon earth.
DUGALD BUCHANAN
(Dugald Buchanan lived after he had written the above Diary for eighteen years, but we have no account of those years from his own pen).
Posadh an Anama ri Croisd.
Leis an Urr.Eideard Pearce (A.D.1672)
(Air a Leantuinn bho t.d.)
‘S e ‘n fhìrinn,a bhi ceangal nì air bith dhe ar cuid féin ri Croisd anns a ghnothuch so,a nì a tha dhàr dùnadh a mach bho chuibhrionn a bhi againn ann an Croisd,na buannachd air bith tre Chriosd.An uibhir sin tha’n t-Abstol a leigeadh a chudthrom air; “Feuch,tha mise Pòl ag ràdh ruibh,ma timchioll-ghearrar sibh, nach bi tairbhe air bith dhuibh ann an Croisd.Oir tha mì a ris a’ deanamh fianuis do gach uile dhuine a timchioll-ghearrar,gu bheil e mar fhiachan air an lagh gu h-iomlan a choimhlionadh. Cha’n eil tairbhe sam bith ann an Croisd dhuibhse a tha air ‘ur fireanachadh tre’n lagh; thuit sibh o ghràs.” Gal.v.2-4. ‘S e suim a nì th’aig an Abstol ‘s an amharc a bhi nochadh,ann a bhi ceangal nì air bith dhe ar cuid féin ri Croisd,ann an gnothuch fireanachaidh agus fireantachd,agus gu’n a bhi taiceachadh gu gior-ghlan agus gu h-uile Air-san,a nì a tha dhàr dùnadh a mach bho chuibhrionn agus crannchur ann an Croisd.na buannachd,na cothrom,ann an Croisd.Oir feuch thugaibh fa’n ear,bha iad a’ measg na’n Galàtianach cuid a bha,mar a tha Calvin dha chur,a ceangal an lagh ri Croisd; a cathachadh agus a togail suas an timchioll-ghearraidh,mar chuid dhe’n fhìreachtachd leis an robh suil aca bhi air am fireanachadh agus air an saoradha.Cha robh iad cho fealmhor ‘n an ìnnteannean,mar a tha’n diadhaire mòr sin a toirt fa’n ear,agus gu’n robh sùil aca ri slàinte a mhàinn tre thoirt fa’n ear an lagha,agus an ùmhlachd féin;ach bha iad air son roinn a ghnothuich eadar so agus Croisd.Nis, ciod a tha Pòl ag ràdh ruibh? Agus ciod am bheil e ri saoithir a chùm rabhadh roimh laimh a thoirt dhuibh a thaobh a mhearachd mhòr so? Ca’ar son,An Toiseach,tha e’g ìnnse dhuibh gu siolleir,ma cheanglas iad aon chuid timchioll-ghearradh,na nì air bith eile dhe’n cuid féin ri Croisd anna a ghnothuch so,an sin cha bhi buannachd air bith dhoibh ann an Croisd,rann 2.A Gus tha e cur an ceill a’ nì ceudna ann an rann 4.Thainig Croisd,tha e’g ràdh,gu’n bhi gu’n eufachd air bith dhoibh, ‘se sin,cha bhi cuibhrionn air bith agaibh ann an Croisd,cha bhi buannachd air bith agaibh tre Chriosd,cha’n eill feum air bith ann an Croisd,na buannachd,na cothrom dhuibh, ni’s moth a na ged nach bitheadh E idir ann.A Gus,gu dearbh,mar a tha neach a toirt fa’n ear anns an àite so,ge b’e a tha air son leth Chriosd anna a ghnothuch so,tha e call Chriosd uile.Anns an Dara h-àite,tha e’g innse dhoibh,ma bhitheas nì air bith aca dhe’n cuid féin gu bhi dha ghiulain maille ri Chriosd ann an ghothuch an slainte,tha iad fodh fhiachabh do’n lagh uile.Ma tha ùn hlachd do’n lagh,gu cuibh rionn a ghabhail na’n gaghail ruitha le Dia,an sin feumaidh iad an lagh uile a choimhead,our is noe-ni nìth eil. ‘S e focal mor a tha aig fear-mineachaidh ionnsaicht’ air na briathran so; “Ge b’e” tha e’g ràdh, “a tha fodh fhiachaibh do’n lagh gu a dheanamh uile cha’n urrain a bhi seachnadh a bhàis,do bhrìgh gu’m bheil e ghnath fodh chionta;oir cha bhi neach gu bràth air fhaotainn,a bhios comasach air air a bhi coimhlionadh,na sàsachadh an lagh;tha mar sin an t-agartas so,na dhamanadh cinnteach dha’ı̲ duine a tha luidhe fodha.”Uime sin chì sibh,cha’n fheum nì ai bith dhe ar cuid féin bhi air a cheangal ri Croisd ann an gnothuch ar fireantachd agus ar fireanachadh am fianuis Dhé; ach feumaidh ar creidimh socrachadh a mhàinn agus gu h-uile air Chriosd na aonar; is fìrinneach e,tha fireantachd Chriosd a mhàinn gu leoir foghainteach gu bhi tearnadh agus a fireanachadh na peacaich is miosa: is e thann “fireantachd Dhé” II.Cor.v.21. agus an “Thireantachd a tha fodh’n lagh, “Rom.viii.4.Fireantachd a tha uile gu leir gu leoir agus co-shinnte ris na h-agartasan is geire a tha aig lagh agus ceartas,fireantachd cho fad,cho leathainn,cho domhainn,cho ard agus a tha peacadh agus cionta,is urrain peacaich aig am bheil peacadhean corcuir agus agarlaid a bhi air an saoradh;agus car son a smuainticheadh neach air bith ri bhi ceangal ni air bith rithe? Gu cinnteach, ‘s e bhi deanamh sin, ach a bhi cur an eas-urram is mothá oirre,agus air gliocas agus gras Dhe,ann a bhi dàh h-orduchadh air son ar fireanachaidh agus ar slainte.A Gus cha’n fheum sinn ni air bith a cheangal ri Chriosd ann an gnothuch ar fireanachaidh,agus ar fireantachd,ni mothá na sin a dh’fheumas sinn nì air bith a cheangal Ris ann an gnothuch ar naomhachaidh agus ar naomhachd.Cha bu chòr dhuinn amharc rì gràs,na naomhachd,ach na thig bh’uaith-san,agus a tha air oibreachadh annain Leis-san.A Gus gu dearbh cha’n aidich Dia nì air bith air son gràs agus naomhachd annaine air a cheann mu dheireadh,nì air bith ach na thig bh’uaiththe Féin.Anns na h-uile seadh,uime sin,b’e cainte bhur n’anamaibh,O,cha’n eil neach ach Chriosd,cha’n eil neach ach Chriosd.
(R’a leantuininn.)