What is marriage? The Bible tells us that it is a relationship between a man and a woman. This is taught by the history, the illustrations, and the lessons drawn from it. ‘Marriage is honourable’. The Word of God speaks in strong condemnation of men living intimately with men and of women living similarly with women, but it speaks with favour of the husband-wife relationship. Society generally, sad to say, accepts the arrangement called ‘common-law’, in which a man and a woman cohabit without going through a marriage ceremony. In this connection it is very revealing that Jesus did not speak approvingly of the way in which the woman of Samaria was living with a man who was not her husband. In Biblical times there were arrangements preceding and accompanying the uniting in marriage of a man and a woman. While these did not follow the details of our present-day ‘marriage service’, the principles involved were somewhat similar. If a person was found guilty of violating the marriage covenant, severe punishment was inflicted. It can only be regarded as a retrograde step that a nation, let alone a church, should condone departure from what has an exalted place in Scripture, and what has contributed so richly to wholesome societies. Marriage is intended for life, for ‘what God has put together, let not man put asunder’. It is also a civil arrangement, so that a man and a woman can be married although neither is Christian. However, to perform all the duties involved in the marriage bond, vital Christian living is necessary. More practical Christianity would lead to fewer broken-marriages and more happy homes. Marriage is much misunderstood. Too often it is entered on without prayer for divine guidance, and, alas, too many make shipwreck. There are wounds and scars, and children are left to suffer the painful consequences of separated parents. We need not have much exposure to the realities of life in this generation to know that many young people are altogether unfamiliar with the bonds and blessings of a happy home. Why is it so? Does the Bible have anything to say on the issue of marriage, its responsibilities and problems? It does, but because so little regard is had for Biblical principles, this generation is witnessing to an alarming extent the torment of broken homes. Are we immune? No one is, and we do well to turn to the Word of God and to practice what it commends. The principal persons are husband and wife. Their relationship affects the whole household for good or for ill.
Adam, the Husband
Let us look at Adam, the husband. We think of him as the first man and the ‘covenant-head’ of our race. This he was, but he was more. God made him a husband. This meant that Adam had certain responsibilities placed on him, with respect to the woman God gave him to be a wife. Adam obviously looked on Eve as given to him by God, but after the Fall he did not perform his duties toward her as his wife as he ought. In Genesis 3:8 we are informed that Adam and Eve hid themselves from God. The husband was trying to evade his responsibilities. Are not many husbands the same today. They do not face-up to the responsibilities of their position. To hide from the issues, they live superficial lives, running to immorality, to intoxicating drink and other sinful pleasures. For Adam the ‘problem’ was still there although he tried to run away. The first step for a husband to take to overcome a difficulty is to face the reality of it and his own involvement in bringing it about. It did not for Adam relieve the situation that his wife went with him to hide. Husband, the fact that your wife joins with you in your shallow life-style does not lessen your guilt. Your first obligation is God-ward. As a husband, you must obey Him, and to do that you must listen to Him. To be a good husband you must listen to God. As you listen to Him be thankful for your wife. Hopefully, you thank God for many other things — food, clothing, safe journey, and promotion in your job. Have you thanked God for giving you your wife? She was given to be your ‘help-meet’. Look on her as such. The Hebrew word translated ‘for him’ in Genesis 2:20 has the meaning ‘correspondence’ between a husband and wife, a unity is established to which each contributes an essential part. A husband is part of that unity; his wife is the other part. This thought the Apostle had when he directed husbands to love their wives. We ought not to think that such precepts are superfluous. The Holy Spirit saw that those Christian husbands in Ephesus needed to be reminded of this duty, and we, in this generation, need the same instruction. You must meet with the needs of your wife, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Provide for her, as best you are able, the guidance and correction she is entitled to from you as her husband. You are to give leadership, and that must mean, on your part, conviction and decision. It seems that even Moses failed in this (Exodus 4:24-26). Be a spiritual leader in your home — it is your duty to be so. Your wife will, at least on occasion, need correction. Adam failed to rebuke his wife when she had done wrong. A disobedient Eve was no just cause for a sinning husband. The husband fails in his love when he fails to tell his wife that she has erred. However, the correction must be given in love, authoritatively, and, unless the circumstances be really exceptional, be given in private. To retaliate, to ‘try to get-even’ with the spouse, is contrary to all the principles of Christianity and of marriage. It is not good for either party, and not good for their marriage. Do not do it! Adam, like so many husbands, blamed his wife. He did confess that he had done wrong, but only after he had strongly suggested that the real blame rested somewhere else than on himself. Pray for your wife, because her life so much affects your life, and you are responsible for her as one under your special care. Ponder the words of J.A. James. ‘I urge affection to your wife by the recollection of that solemn moment, when, in the presence of heaven and earth, before God’s minister, and in God’s house, you bound yourself by the awful formalities of an oath, to throw open and keep open your heart as the fountain of her earthly happiness, and to promote your whole life to the promotion of her welfare’.
The Wife
The wife is the other party in this union. What is a wife? The name indicates a relationship with a man, who is the husband. That relationship involves privileges and responsibilities. A wife is to submit to her own husband’s authority. ‘Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands’. There are factors which may tend to oppose that submission. So-called Liberation Movements cry out so often for equality for women, and many women are ‘working wives’ who take home a substantial part of the income for the family budget. These, and other issues, may cause friction in the home when the question of authority comes to the fore. Nevertheless, the Bible clearly establishes the superiority of the husband in the marriage bond, and the glory of the wife is submission. If a proper understanding cannot be reached as to the relative roles of each partner, on that account, it would be better to cut back on the ‘budget’, deny themselves unnecessary ‘extras’, with much prayer in the matter, than run the risk of an unhappy home and a broken marriage. Even if a husband is not a believer in the Lord, the wife who is a believer is to submit to his authority in things not contrary to God’s Word (1 Cor. 7:13). From that same passage we conclude that a wife is to seek the best interests of her own husband. It is good to encourage him in his occupation, but she must seek also that he prosper spiritually. Let her think of him as a man of prayer or as a prayerless man. From 1 Peter 3:2 we see that a wife is to set a powerful example. When the Word of God has not been obeyed, God may be pleased to use the ‘pure conduct’ of the wife as an influence for good on her husband. She is not perfect, but as a married woman, she ‘cares how she may please her husband’, and by diligence in her domestic duties she can show her love and respect for him. Let her husband see in her life that practical Christianity which is according to the Gospel, and he may be moved to emulate her example.
What is a Bad Wife?
Not all wives live as they ought, so the question may be asked — ‘What is a bad wife?’. The Scriptures give us some examples. An unfaithful wife is a bad wife. Such was the wife of Joseph’s master in Egypt, when she tried to lure Joseph with her lust. She was unfaithful to her husband, and when Joseph resisted her advances, she told lies to get her revenge for the rebuttal. Husbands and wives need to pray for grace to be faithful to one another. This age is characterised by un faithfulness, even to the marriage bond. A wife who encourages her husband in wrong-doing is a bad wife. King Ahab wanted the vineyard of Naboth, who refused it to him. The covetous king, not satisfied with what he already possessed, sulked and fretted like a spoiled child. Ahab’s wife, Jezebel, set afoot a wicked scheme which resulted in the death of Naboth. She then informed her husband that he could have the vineyard because Naboth was dead. Zeresh, the wife of Haman, was another wicked woman, who adopted a similar strategy to dispose of Mordecai, but her efforts failed. In the one husband it was pride, and in the other it was covetousness, but whatever the cause, a wife ought not to confirm evil in her married partner. A wife is bad when she puts to wrong use an influence which she has over her husband. It may be her tears. Many an apparently strong-willed husband has succumbed to the tears of a wife. So it was with Samson when Delilah overcame him. Obviously there are times when a husband ought not to yield. A wife, who in private, or in public, makes constant use of her tongue to conquer her husband is a bad wife. She is, in common language, called a ‘nagging wife’, and the Bible says that her ‘contentions’ are ‘a continual dropping’ (Proverbs 19:13). She brow-beats her husband to submission to her will and way. A husband may yield, but such yielding will not help their marriage.
Good Qualities in Wives
Thankfully, the Bible speaks of good wives also — or of good qualities in some wives. None are perfect, but by God’s grace they may reach out for conformity to the ideal pattern. In Proverbs Ch. 31 there is a detailed description which wives would do well to have as a guide to prayer. If she is a virtuous woman she is more valuable than jewels. Precious stones cannot transform a woman into a virtuous wife. Such a wife is from the Lord. She is trustworthy, and her husband can rely on her. A good worker, she tries to run her home efficiently, making careful use of her ‘house-keeping money’. Financial problems have caused tensions in many marriages, and a careful wife can remove much strain. When speaking about her husband she will not enlarge on his faults. Abigail had pity on David and was much aware of her husband’s faults, but her exposure of these to someone outside the marriage was hardly a virtue. When she speaks to her husband let her do it respectfully. Sarah is commended for her respect for Abraham. How may wives attain to such a desirable character? Read 1 Peter 3:1-6. God’s way for a truly beautiful wife is that she have ‘a meek and quiet spirit’. That is part of what God uses to build happy homes. Such marriages provide a suitable setting for the growth of children, the generation of the future. Husbands and wives owe it, before God, to one another and to their children, that they pray for and practice these principles in the marriage. This will make them and their marriage a benefit to their children, to the Christian church, and to society at large.