Thomas Brooks
I think I hear a weak saint saying thus to me: I would wish an end put to this controversy that has been so long in my soul – whether or not I have grace.
[1.] I find a holy restlessness in my soul till, with old Simeon, I have got Christ in my arms, till I have got Christ in my heart (Lk 2:25-33). I go from duty to duty, and from ordinance to ordinance, and yet I cannot rest, because I cannot find Him whom my soul loves (Song 5:10). I am like Noah’s dove, that could not rest until he got into the ark. I cannot be quiet till I know that I am housed in Christ. My soul is like a ship in a storm, that is tossed hither and thither. Where shall I find Him? How shall I obtain Him who is the chiefest of ten thousand? What Absalom said in another case, I can say in this: What is all this to me so long as I cannot see the King’s face? And truly the language of my soul is this: What is honour and riches and the favour of my fellow creatures to me so long as I go mourning without my Christ, so long as I do not see my interest in my Christ?
[2.] I can truly say that the poorest man, the most distressed and afflicted in the world, is not fuller of desires, nor stronger in his desires, than I am. The poor man desires bread to feed him, and the wounded man desires a plaster to heal him, and the sick man desires medicines to heal him. But these are not fuller of desires after those things that they need than I am of holy and heavenly desires. O that I had more of God! O that I were filled with Christ! O that I had His righteousness to cover me, His grace to pardon me, His power to support me, His wisdom to counsel me, His loving-kindness to refresh me, and His happiness to crown me.
[3.] Though I dare not say that Christ is mine, yet I can truly say that Christ, His love, His works, His grace, His Word are the main objects of my contemplation and meditation. I am always at my best when I am most meditating and contemplating Christ, His love and His grace. “How precious are Thy thoughts unto me, O God! How great is the sum of them! (Ps 139:17).
[4.] I can truly say that the want of Christ’s love is a greater grief and a greater burden to my soul than the lack of anything outward in this world. As to temporal things, I lack health and strength and trading, friends and money that “answereth all things”, as Solomon speaks (Ecc 10:19). Yet all these needs do not so afflict and trouble me as the lack of Christ, of grace, and of the discoveries of that favour that is better than life (Ps 63:3,4).
[5.] I would not willingly or resolvedly sin against Christ for a world, although it is true that I dare not say I have an interest in Christ. I can say,
1Taken, with editing, from Brooks’ Works, vol 3.
through grace, that were I to die this moment, my greatest fear is to sin against Christ and my greatest care is to please Him. I know there was a time when my greatest care was to please myself and other people and my greatest fear was to displease myself and others. I can remember, with sorrow and sadness of heart, how often I have displeased Christ to please myself and others. But now it is quite otherwise; my greatest care is to please Christ, and my greatest fear is to offend Him!
[6.] Though I dare not say that Christ is mine and that I have an interest in Him, yet I can truly say, I dearly love the people of Christ, for the image of Christ that I see stamped on them. It is true, I dare not say Christ is mine and heaven is mine; I cannot say with some people, “The Lord is my portion”; yet I can say that I dearly love those that have the Lord for their portion. I can truly say that the poorest, the most neglected and the most despised saint in the world is more precious in my eye and more dear to my soul than the greatest and the richest sinner in the world (Ps 16:3).
[7.] Though I dare not say that I have any interest in Christ, or that I love Christ, yet I dare say that my soul weeps and mourns in secret for the dishonour that is done to Christ, both by myself and others. I can look the Lord in the face, were I now to die, and say, Lord, Thou that knowest all thoughts and hearts, Thou dost know that mine eyes run down with rivers of tears, because men keep not Thy law (Jer 9:1-3, Ps 119:136).
[8.] I prize people and things according to the spirituality and holiness that is in them; and the more spiritual and holy any man or thing is, the more my soul prizes that man and thing. I have often thought of that sweet verse, “Thy word is very pure; therefore Thy servant loveth it (Ps 119:140). Others love it because of the profit they get by it, or for the sake of their reputation, or this or that; but I love it for its purity, holiness and cleanness. I like no preaching or praying or talking or society but that which is most spiritual, most holy. It is not an exercise decorated with wit, learning and eloquence; it is not the hanging of truth’s ears with counterfeit pearls that attracts me; but the more plainness, spirituality and holiness I see in an exercise, the more is my heart raised to prize it and love it.
Therefore, because Christ is infinitely holy above all others, I prize Christ above all. Ordinances are sweet, but Christ is more sweet to my soul. Saints are precious, but Christ is far more precious. Heaven is glorious, but Christ is infinitely more glorious. The first thing that I would ask, if I might have it, is Christ. And the next thing that I would ask, if I might have it, is more of Christ. And the last thing that I would ask, if I might have it, is that I might be filled with the fulness of Christ. Let the ambitious man take the honours of the world, but let me have Christ. Let the sensuous man swim in all the
pleasures of the world, but let me have Christ. And let the covetous man tumble up and down in all the gold and silver of the world, but let me have Christ and it shall be enough to my soul.
[9.] I find the same conflict in my soul that Paul found in his, after he was converted for nearly 14 years, after he was taken up into as clear enjoyments of God as any soul that ever I read of. The conflict that is mentioned in Romans 7:19, I find in my soul. The whole frame of my soul – understanding, will and affections – is set against sin. I find that I hate the evil that I do; yet I find that “the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do”. I find a law in my members, rebelling against the law of my mind, and leading me captive to the law of sin, and this makes me often to cry out with Paul: “O wretched man that I am, who shall deliver me from the body of this death?” Therefore I sometimes hope that those sins that are now my burden shall never hereafter be my bane.
[10.] I can truly say, when the Lord gives me any strength against sin and any power to serve Him and walk closely with Him in His ways, it is a greater joy and comfort to my soul than all the blessings of this life. Though I do not yet have a clear assurance of His love, though His Spirit has not yet set up such a light in my soul by which I might run and read my right to Himself and heaven, yet when He gives me but a little light through a crevice, when He begins to cause His love to dawn upon me, when He gives me a little strength against sin and a little power to walk close to Himself, this administers more abiding joy, more sweet peace and more solid comfort to my soul than all the riches, honour, friends and favours of this world.
[11.] Though my interest in Christ is not clear to me, yet I can truly say I would not change my condition with the men of this world for a thousand worlds (Ps 101:3, 139:21,22, 130:6). It is true, I cannot say that I have the seal and witness of the Spirit, which many talk about, though I fear only a few enjoy it. Yet I can truly say that I would not change my state with men who are merely moral, nor with the profane men of this world, for ten thousand worlds.
[12.] I find my soul carried forth to a secret resting, relying, leaning, staying and hanging on Christ for life and happiness. Though I do not know how it shall go with me, yet I have thrown myself into His arms; I lean on Him; there I will hang and there I will rest. If I must perish, I will perish there (Job 13:15, 2 Ki 7:3-5, Est 4).
[Brooks responds:] This I shall say, as I must answer for it in the day of my appearing before God, that had I as many souls as I have hairs on my head, or as there are stars in heaven, I could freely adventure the loss of them all, if these things do not undeniably speak out, not only the truth, but
also the strength of grace. Indeed, let me tell you that he that really finds any of these things in his soul, though the Lord has not given him a clear and full manifestation of His love and favour, yet, while breath is in his body, he has great cause to bless God and to walk thankfully and humbly before Him.