Marriage is a gift from God to mankind. After He had created Adam, He declared, “It is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen 2:18). And God, in His kindness, made provision for him; He created a woman as a “help meet” for him – perhaps, more literally, a help corresponding to him. That is what a wife is for her husband, and a husband for his wife: they are mutual helps for each other, in the ordinance appointed by God for Adam and Eve in the perfect environment of Eden.
Marriage is still a wonderful gift, even in this fallen world, a provision for which married couples should thank God again and again. But however close the friendship may be between two women, or between two men such as David and Jonathan, marriage was designed to be between one man and one woman; as God saw in His perfect wisdom, a man and a woman correspond to each other. Even in a sinful world, there is a real correspondence between a man and a woman, and it ought to be respected. Only those who reject the authority of God speaking in Scripture can begin to question the fact that marriage must be between one man and one woman.
After the creation of Adam and of Eve has been described, the narrative in Genesis continues: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh” (2:24). Divine authority is indeed given here for a man and a woman to live together as a married couple. And this is the passage that Jesus quoted when challenged on the lawfulness of divorce. By referring to this passage, Jesus was affirming the divine authority for marriage, and indeed the divine authority of the whole of Old Testament Scripture.
He then added, “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Mt 19:6). No one, Jesus went on to declare, has any right to put away his spouse “except it be for fornication”. The only other situation where divorce is permissible is “such wilful desertion as can no way be remedied by the Church or civil magistrate” (Westminster Confession of Faith 24:6, which points the reader to 1 Cor 7:15). Accordingly cruelty, for instance, is not a sufficient ground for divorce, sad though such a situation is; but it may
well render separation necessary, for the safety of the one who has been abused, and even for the preservation of that person’s life.
That marriage is an institution of huge significance should be clear from the comparison Paul makes, in Ephesians 5, between the relationship of a husband to his wife and the relationship between Christ and His Church. “Husbands, love your wives,” Paul says, “even as Christ also loved the Church, and gave Himself for it” (Eph 5:25). That he can make such a comparison, as inspired by the Holy Spirit, shows that marriage is not to be despised; rather it is to be respected as God’s ordinance, and that respect is to extend to all that God has revealed about it. No generation ought ever to imagine that it has greater resources of wisdom than those God has revealed in Scripture. No one can ever improve on marriage, which is God’s gift to mankind for their good.
Again Jesus’ attendance at a wedding is evidence of His respect for the ordinance. He would never have involved Himself in anything unscriptural – in anything that was not according to the mind of God. His kindness to the couple whose marriage was being celebrated is remarkable; He delivered them from their embarrassing difficulty. And every marrying couple should seek the Lord’s blessing on the occasion of their marriage, asking to be preserved from doing or saying anything sinful and praying that the whole occasion would be protected from everything inappropriate. But they should also seek God’s blessing on their relationship throughout the entire time they will be spared to each other, that He would keep them from sin and preserve the love to each other which has brought them together. Further, they should seek God’s blessing on whoever of them will survive the death of the other, to experience the sad and difficult circumstances of bereavement.
The counsel of Mary, the mother of Jesus, to the servants at the wedding is well worth noting: “Whatsoever He saith unto you, do it” (Jn 2:5). This is good counsel for everyone; in particular, for couples at the time of their marriage. Not least does Christ say to them, “Follow Me” (Mt 9:9). How can they expect to be upheld as they face the difficulties, the stresses and the sorrows that may confront them during their time together – and often unexpectedly – unless they are sincere followers of Christ?
When Matthew was called to follow Christ, it was a summons to become a disciple – which involved learning, so to speak, in Christ’s school. Those who become husband and wife should feel their need of being taught by this great Teacher who has access to their hearts through the Holy Spirit, who brings about spiritual effects. The result of such teaching is that the couple will live godly lives – walking together through this world, toward heaven, looking unto Jesus. And if the Lord will give them children, how much wis-
dom they need to bring up the little ones in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, especially in an age that is so much controlled by a secular agenda! How much they need God’s blessing in the responsibilities involved in looking after children, who are themselves a wonderful gift from God.
The beginning of following Christ is to trust in Him as Saviour, for “the Father sent the Son to be the Saviour of the world” (1 Jn 4:14). Apart from Him we will continue in our sinful ways, doomed to eternal destruction. But if we begin to look to Christ, we have His promise: “I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee” (Heb 13:5). How good for a young couple to submit, in God’s mercy, to the authority of the great King who has undertaken to protect His subjects and to lead them on safely through all the troubles and temptations that, in one way or another, people experience in this world! However difficult these troubles and temptations may be, the promise is: “All things work together for good to them that love God” (Rom 8:28) – not every individual event, but all things together under the gracious control of their Father in heaven. Yet even their sin, together with the repentance that follows, will work for their good – but not apart from the repentance which God graciously gives.
What are the partners in a marriage to seek? Of course, they are to love each other and help each other. But they are to “seek first the kingdom of God” – giving this a greater priority than everything else they must attend to. There is no promise of God’s care and blessing to those who reject, or react carelessly to, the calls of the gospel. But above their responsibilities to each other and to other people, married couples (and single people also) are to remember the demand of the God who created us: “Whether . . . ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God” (1 Cor 10:31). This is a high standard, indeed an impossible standard if even God’s children try to attain it in their own strength. How necessary then that everyone – married couples in particular – pray for help and strength in seeking to keep all God’s commandments, in heart, speech and behaviour, so that they may honour God and seek His glory in everything they do!
They are to remember that it is only for Christ’s sake, through the work of the Holy Spirit in their souls, that they can begin to seek God’s glory in anything. It should be helpful to recall that Christ has ascended on high, to His throne in heaven, from where He is distributing the gifts He has received “for men; yea, for the rebellious also” (Ps 68:18). Among these gifts is grace to seek to live to God’s glory in all kinds of circumstances, even the most difficult. Therefore let us all, not least married couples, remember the exhortation: “In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths” (Prov 3:6), and let us seek grace to put it into practice at all times.