Slides at this link.
The following content is roughly equivalent to the content of the above slides, but please refer to them as the official source.
The Family
A Challenging Topic
Any speaker may face most or all the following challenges when teaching about the family:
- All families are imperfect, including his own
- His own inexperience in raising a family, or in dealing with special cases
- Different circumstances of families:
- Number and ages of children
- Health and disability
- Location (city vs. country; neighborhood quality)
- Bereavement (loss of parent or child)
- Setting realistic expectations
- Encouragement: Marriage and the family is a “relic of paradise”
- A divine institution: Designed so well that struggling families are still a means of blessing to members within the family and others outside.
An Unusual Lecture
Loss of Collective Wisdom
“A good man leaveth an inheritance to his children’s children” (Prov. 13:22).
- Historically, practical wisdom was passed down in private settings rather than formal lectures.
- The Impact of the French Revolution:
- Shifted focus to the individual as the basic unit of society, rather than the family.
- Viewed marriage as a voluntary, non-permanent contract based on personal needs and rights.
- Reformed Church Heritage:
- Provides protection against revolutionary thinking.
- Preserves wisdom regarding natural differences and marriage compatibility.
- Newcomers or modern families may have lost or never received this collective wisdom.
Uniqueness of Human Beings
Humans differ from angels in several key aspects:
- Possession of bodies
- Living under a Covenant
- Granted Dominion over the earth
- The institution of Marriage and Family
God’s will is that humans do not come into existence all at once or at full maturity (like angels), but are born, grow, and develop within a family unit.
Importance of the Family
- Instituted by God; predates both Church and State.
- Necessary foundation for the existence of Church and State.
- Scriptural Emphasis:
- “God sets the solitary in families” (Ps. 68).
- Baptism of whole families (household units) into the visible Church.
- Blessings through Christ extended to “all the families of the earth” (Gen. 28:14).
- Churches often arose from single households (e.g., Cornelius, Philemon).
Institution of the Family
- Individual Value: Male and female created in God’s image (Gen 1:27). Equal worth, despite modern attacks like polygamy or abortion.
- Order of Creation: Adam formed first, then Eve (1 Tim. 2:13).
- The Union: God brought them together in marriage (Gen. 2:22).
- Honor in Singleness: Both were in God’s image before marriage; therefore, being single is honorable if it is the Lord’s will.
- The Usual State: Marriage is the normative state for most adults.
Purpose of the Family
According to the Westminster Confession (Chapter 24):
- Mutual help of husband and wife.
- Increase of mankind with “legitimate issue” and the Church with “holy seed.”
- Preventing of uncleanness.
The Dominion Mandate: Marriage is not solely for mutual happiness but to fill and subdue the earth. Married couples should aim to accomplish something for God’s glory.
Family and Everyday Life
The family is the first place we learn essential life lessons:
- Human Equality: Worth is not determined by strength, intelligence, or wealth, but by having a soul.
- Diverse Roles: Equality of essence does not mean identity of role. Roles involve authority, submission, and varying responsibilities.
- Appointed Roles: Embracing one’s role in the family prepares one for roles in the Church and society.
Note: This requires daily grace, as earthly families consist of sinners needing patience and forgiveness.
Specific Duties of Family Members
General Duty: “Be ye kind one to another… walking in love” (Eph 4:32).
Wives to Husbands
- Submission: As the church is subject to Christ (Eph. 5:22).
- Reverence: Honoring the husband’s position.
- Note on “Mutual Submission”: In Eph 5:21, this means all under authority must submit in the fear of God; it does not erase the specific hierarchy of the home.
Husbands to Wives
- Sacrificial Love: Love as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for it.
- Provision: Providing for the physical and spiritual needs of the house (1 Tim. 5:8).
- Protection: Ready to lay down life for the family.
- Leadership: Exercising lawful authority for the good of the household.
Children to Parents
- Obedience: Obligated to obey both father and mother (Eph. 6:1).
- Lifelong Honor: While the relationship changes at adulthood/marriage, the duty to “Honour thy father and mother” remains.
The Family: A School for Life
As noted by Ursinus, the family is the “rule and pattern” for all government because:
- Paternal power was the first established government.
- It is the most natural and agreeable form of authority for humans to submit to.
Skills learned: Headship, co-operation, submission, and sibling dynamics.
Preparation for Marriage
- Embrace Current Role: Be faithful in your current home.
- Redeem the Time: Develop work habits, self-denial, and manners.
- Education: Seek both spiritual knowledge and earthly skills (following Adam’s example).
- Seek the Lord: Union with Christ is the priority.
- Seek Counsel: Value the advice of parents and wise friends.
- Wait Patiently: Trust the Lord to provide the right person in His timing.
Marriage and Compatibility
While “marrying in the Lord” is the primary command, expediency and suitability (a “help meet”) are vital.
- Grace does not destroy Nature: Differences in intelligence, personality, upbringing, and social standing remain after conversion.
- Compatibility Factors: While love for Christ can bridge many gaps, significant natural differences can still lead to incompatibility.
- Correction of Errors: Avoid the revolutionary mindset that seeks to erase all natural differences.
Discussion Questions
- Why does Satan attack the family so much?
- Explain how worldly ideas and entertainment damage marriage.
- In Ephesians 6, why does Paul mention the “father” specifically in verse 4 after addressing both parents?
- Prove from Scripture that singleness is an honorable state.
- How can an unmarried person be useful to the Church and society?
- What encouragement is there for those rejected by their family?
Speaker: Rev Caleb J Hembd
Congregation
Text:
Date: 18 December 2025
Series: 2025 New Zealand Youth Conference